At one point I had painted a backdrop of my situation on the board. But as many of you know, with all the drama and hidden readers I had removed or heavily edited most of my posts.
I want to thank Healer for this private board as I REALLY feel the need to be open right now, as I cannot stand my overwhelming emotions at the moment.
I am terrified of taking this new job. It takes me 100% out if my ex's orbit. I knew from the get go this would be a long, difficult journey. Every reader, on their own, has mentioned this relationship in terms of years down the road. Mystikka, Kisha, Michelle Caporale, Cookie....and a few others.
I am very picky about who I call, I just don't go silly calling everyone who will answer. I take my time and reflect on the reader. I do feel I have found good ones.
I am just sad, terrified and losing hope.
For some odd reason I cannot seem to let go of the promises made that "one day" we will get it right. "One day" we will be married. "One day" we can have a family. Promises made by a man whose word doesn't have much value.
He has had several flings since me. I know for a fact they are flings. I know for a fact he still carrries me in his heart and mind. I also know for a fact he has no intention of moving his ass in my direction anytime soon.
So while there is love there, it means nothing if there is no action behind it.
I know many of us are going through our own relationship issues, or life issues in general, and we all need to vent every now and again. And while sharing predictions is great, it usually is a fleeting feeling.
I hope everyone here knows I value their insights and I wish you all happiness and everything your hearts desire.
I need to let my heavy heart out for a bit. I want everyone else to know I will gladly be a shoulder if you need it

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Be good today! Smile!