How does it work? *warning, very cynical view here*

[star1]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..

Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.

I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.

The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.

You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.

We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.

I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..

I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconscious and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuously asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.

Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs. I can't believe I'm saying this, But Shelly is talking sense to you, there.

[Miss Philosopher]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..

Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.

I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.

The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.

You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.

We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.

I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..

I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconscious and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuously asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.

Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs. I can't believe I'm saying this, But Shelly is talking sense to you, there.

Yeah I know she is. It just takes me time to let go of the fantasy I built in my head. To let go of the hopes, dreams, ideas, that I had. 5 years is a long time. All the signs were there but I really thought it all had to do with the location issue. However, since he's left this last time and been gone 7 months and it really looked like it was going to work out this time thanks to his narc mother, I got to see what it's really been all about. The other times he left, it was like obvious and a given it would fail and he was only gone for 2 to 3 months each time and he had no help. Like I said, this time, it was like a guarantee he'd remain there for a long time but as soon as the help stops, he's fucked unless he finds some female to get involved with and live with before it runs out but I have a feeling it's about to run out very very soon. Like, within the next couple months and now he can't even work because he has health problems (the hernia) and still hasn't scheduled a surgery for it and has no insurance to pay for it. I see how things are about to turn out, just as everyone said it would. However, if someone really loves you, distance isn't going to interfere, especially after 5 years of being together, because he could have visited me the same as he had visited his kids in the past (albeit not often) and he could have waited for me to relocate IF that's what I decided to do. There would have been SOME way to work it out. So, he did me a favor by showing me this. I will thank him for it someday.

[star1]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..

Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.

I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.

The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.

You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.

We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.

I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..

I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconscious and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuously asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.

Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs. I can't believe I'm saying this, But Shelly is talking sense to you, there.

Yeah I know she is. It just takes me time to let go of the fantasy I built in my head. To let go of the hopes, dreams, ideas, that I had. 5 years is a long time. All the signs were there but I really thought it all had to do with the location issue. However, since he's left this last time and been gone 7 months and it really looked like it was going to work out this time thanks to his narc mother, I got to see what it's really been all about. The other times he left, it was like obvious and a given it would fail and he was only gone for 2 to 3 months each time and he had no help. Like I said, this time, it was like a guarantee he'd remain there for a long time but as soon as the help stops, he's fucked unless he finds some female to get involved with and live with before it runs out but I have a feeling it's about to run out very very soon. Like, within the next couple months and now he can't even work because he has health problems (the hernia) and still hasn't scheduled a surgery for it and has no insurance to pay for it. I see how things are about to turn out, just as everyone said it would. However, if someone really loves you, distance isn't going to interfere, especially after 5 years of being together, because he could have visited me the same as he had visited his kids in the past (albeit not often) and he could have waited for me to relocate IF that's what I decided to do. There would have been SOME way to work it out. So, he did me a favor by showing me this. I will thank him for it someday.

MP I'm glad that you're beginning to toughen up on this man and begin to give no fucks about him anymore. Yes - he probably will have his life come down on him as karma for how he's treated you and others. He will come running to you as you're his source who is always there at his beck and call in the past, then when you help him he will go running again. I don't think he has the capacity (although I'm not a psychologist) to realise what he's done and how he's treated you  as I  have had my experiences with a guy like this for a long time. They never realise how good you were for them - well they do, but they manipulate that. Think of the smiling devil emoji. He's laughing, but he won't be laughing when you finally put your foot down. Then it's off to find the next woman who will do everything he wishes for. It's a horrendous cycle.. His Mother being a narc means he has no true experience and never was taught how to treat women in life, he probably is scared of them deep down so treats them like shit to either get back at women, or because he is wary of them. Not that that's any excuse.. I had an awful childhood and know basic morals of how to act in a relationship.

[star1]

Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs.

Yup, that's narcissism in a nutshell. It's pretty much bulletproof against self-reflection. And tends to suck in people who DO reflect on themselves, who are capable of growing and changing and healing their own issues. They try to heal themselves by proxy through other people who are capable of reflection. They will actually try to push you to do "wrong" things where they can blame you and say you did it and then tell you what the problem is. And you know they are really just talking about themselves but they will never see it.

That's what this guy did with me, and even more so the guy before him. I helped him out after asking me for it, and he threw it against me and said it was my choice to help etc. That's what I mean - it's never their fault. Don't you dare say it is. A good book I read is called "Why Is It Always About You?", Miss Philosopher - it explains about narc parents, too, and how it rubs off on the child.. It's an American book, it was insightful.

[Miss Philosopher]

Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs.

Yup, that's narcissism in a nutshell. It's pretty much bulletproof against self-reflection. And tends to suck in people who DO reflect on themselves, who are capable of growing and changing and healing their own issues. They try to heal themselves by proxy through other people who are capable of reflection. They will actually try to push you to do "wrong" things where they can blame you and say you did it and then tell you what the problem is. And you know they are really just talking about themselves but they will never see it.

That's what this guy did with me, and even more so the guy before him. I helped him out after asking me for it, and he threw it against me and said it was my choice to help etc. That's what I mean - it's never their fault. Don't you dare say it is. A good book I read is called "Why Is It Always About You?", Miss Philosopher - it explains about narc parents, too, and how it rubs off on the child.. It's an American book, it was insightful.

@star1: Holy shit I totally forgot about that! My current one said the same shit to me. I helped him so much, gave him a place to stay, roof over his head, let him use my vehicle before his mommy gave him her car, bought him his gun and uniform for his law enforcement job that he blew. Then he left, came back, bought him another gun and uniform for armed security that he blew again. Bought him interview clothes. I can go on and on and on and on with all the help I've given him and he had the balls to tell me that he never asked me for any help, which is true, but he knew I had a kind heart so he manipulated me anyway. Then when his mom set him up at her cousin's house (an older male who was married etc.) and didn't ask him to pay his way there etc just to get a job and get out on his own, he told me his cousin was giving him "real help" without expecting anything in return. Well, sorry asshole, I didn't own multiple properties like your cousin and have a shit ton in my savings account and own my own home etc. I was barely making it yet sacrificed to give to you and yeah I wanted you to hold down your own weight and be a fucking PARTNER not a manchild that I'd have to care for ffs. Omg that just made me so angry thinking about it. I had completely forgotten that part. That's just a small fraction of it. When my dad was laying in my living room dying from metastatic cancer and was already unconscious, I was trying to sit next to him the entire time and hold his hand and say all the things I never got to say etc. Meanwhile, this asshole called my ex was upset and called me outside to tell me that he felt I wasn't paying enough attention to him and appreciating his presence there with me and how he felt my dad and I had "emotional incest" because I shouldn't be grieving as much as I was over his death. My dad was there for me like a fucking rock my entire life no matter what and it was very hard to know that I would no longer have that one person in my life like that. My mother is a narc so I never did have her. When my dad died, that was it for me. Part of me left with him. This was last year in August. Then, after my dad passed, this asshole got upset because I was grieving and didn't want to know about it. I got this necklace with my dad's fingerprint on it and this asshole got upset because I was wearing it in a picture he took of us together and  didn't want others to think it was a necklace he got me. I could go on and on and on with the stories. I'm actually almost done writing my book about it. It was that damn traumatizing. Don't ask me why I kept waiting for him to reconcile. I don't have a proper logical answer. Part of the abuse cycle I guess. Nevertheless I'm much much better now. Sorry for the rant. Your comment just brought back some things I had tried to forget.

[Miss Philosopher]

@stilltired: Found him on youtube. Gonna watch his videos. Thank you!

[star1]

Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs.

Yup, that's narcissism in a nutshell. It's pretty much bulletproof against self-reflection. And tends to suck in people who DO reflect on themselves, who are capable of growing and changing and healing their own issues. They try to heal themselves by proxy through other people who are capable of reflection. They will actually try to push you to do "wrong" things where they can blame you and say you did it and then tell you what the problem is. And you know they are really just talking about themselves but they will never see it.

That's what this guy did with me, and even more so the guy before him. I helped him out after asking me for it, and he threw it against me and said it was my choice to help etc. That's what I mean - it's never their fault. Don't you dare say it is. A good book I read is called "Why Is It Always About You?", Miss Philosopher - it explains about narc parents, too, and how it rubs off on the child.. It's an American book, it was insightful.

@star1: Holy shit I totally forgot about that! My current one said the same shit to me. I helped him so much, gave him a place to stay, roof over his head, let him use my vehicle before his mommy gave him her car, bought him his gun and uniform for his law enforcement job that he blew. Then he left, came back, bought him another gun and uniform for armed security that he blew again. Bought him interview clothes. I can go on and on and on and on with all the help I've given him and he had the balls to tell me that he never asked me for any help, which is true, but he knew I had a kind heart so he manipulated me anyway. Then when his mom set him up at her cousin's house (an older male who was married etc.) and didn't ask him to pay his way there etc just to get a job and get out on his own, he told me his cousin was giving him "real help" without expecting anything in return. Well, sorry asshole, I didn't own multiple properties like your cousin and have a shit ton in my savings account and own my own home etc. I was barely making it yet sacrificed to give to you and yeah I wanted you to hold down your own weight and be a fucking PARTNER not a manchild that I'd have to care for ffs. Omg that just made me so angry thinking about it. I had completely forgotten that part. That's just a small fraction of it. When my dad was laying in my living room dying from metastatic cancer and was already unconscious, I was trying to sit next to him the entire time and hold his hand and say all the things I never got to say etc. Meanwhile, this asshole called my ex was upset and called me outside to tell me that he felt I wasn't paying enough attention to him and appreciating his presence there with me and how he felt my dad and I had "emotional incest" because I shouldn't be grieving as much as I was over his death. My dad was there for me like a fucking rock my entire life no matter what and it was very hard to know that I would no longer have that one person in my life like that. My mother is a narc so I never did have her. When my dad died, that was it for me. Part of me left with him. This was last year in August. Then, after my dad passed, this asshole got upset because I was grieving and didn't want to know about it. I got this necklace with my dad's fingerprint on it and this asshole got upset because I was wearing it in a picture he took of us together and  didn't want others to think it was a necklace he got me. I could go on and on and on with the stories. I'm actually almost done writing my book about it. It was that damn traumatizing. Don't ask me why I kept waiting for him to reconcile. I don't have a proper logical answer. Part of the abuse cycle I guess. Nevertheless I'm much much better now. Sorry for the rant. Your comment just brought back some things I had tried to forget.

"Then, after my dad passed, this asshole got upset because I was grieving and didn't want to know about it." what a lovely guy he is.. Honestly this guy all he ever seems to care about by the sounds of things is himself. I'm sorry to be rude about your POI, but he lacks any compassion for people. Most people would typically understand the death of a parent and be there for and comfort their partner. And sorry if my comment brought up some things that remind you of parts to your situation that you wanted to forget about.

And Still Tired - thanks, I'll check out the link. Thank you for sharing.

[Miss Philosopher]

@star1: Unfortunately, you're right.

[jhuskindle]

From a reader perspective 90% are cold readers and will tell you he has or had feelings for you to make you feel better and honestly is probably very true, its not easy to hear "This dude does not love you or like you, he is using you for attention, nothing more."

[psychic girls]

From a reader perspective 90% are cold readers and will tell you he has or had feelings for you to make you feel better and honestly is probably very true, its not easy to hear "This dude does not love you or like you, he is using you for attention, nothing more."

I agree 95 percent of the time your poi not into you anymore but they tell us what we wanted to hear.

[maroonlight]

I feel like 99% of these so called "psychics" are just a complete joke. They say general things, ask prompting questions to fish for info, not to mention the same things, for almost everyone, and 9 times out of 10 give you a positive outcome that never happens. Some readers will automatically give you a negative outcome if you are calling about an ex, but most readers will only tell you what you want to hear because you aren't going to want to call them back if they make you feel worse afterwards. That's what reading is actually all about...the temporary relief you feel when you get off the phone and are reassured that things will be ok, when in fact I have only seen things work out the way people want on here once, maybe twice.

[psychic girls]

I feel like 99% of these so called "psychics" are just a complete joke. They say general things, ask prompting questions to fish for info, not to mention the same things, for almost everyone, and 9 times out of 10 give you a positive outcome that never happens. Some readers will automatically give you a negative outcome if you are calling about an ex, but most readers will only tell you what you want to hear because you aren't going to want to call them back if they make you feel worse afterwards. That's what reading is actually all about...the temporary relief you feel when you get off the phone and are reassured that things will be ok, when in fact I have only seen things work out the way people want on here once, maybe twice.

It is a drug look at the review on the so call psychics on keen it self, thanks you calm me down and put my mind at ease. Huge out come that happen is like winning a power ball lottery tickets.

[Ninacy]

Ohh If I see another review along the lines of "thank you, you've put my mind at ease" I will bang my head in the wall. And the sad reality is that these naive and vulnerable people keep coming back to the same scam psychics because they "just felt at ease". When I see many reviews like that and not actual validation of predictions I pass that reader. But all these naive and desperate people keep on asking these frauds and the reader doesn't stop giving fairytales and scamming people further. It's a cycle that is hard to stop, sadly. And by the time they wake-up from their "dream", it's too late to leave feedback. 

[psychic girls]

Ohh If I see another review along the lines of "thank you, you've put my mind at ease" I will bang my head in the wall. And the sad reality is that these naive and vulnerable people keep coming back to the same scam psychics because they "just felt at ease". When I see many reviews like that and not actual validation of predictions I pass that reader. But all these naive and desperate people keep on asking these frauds and the reader doesn't stop giving fairytales and scamming people further. It's a cycle that is hard to stop, sadly. And by the time they wake-up from their "dream", it's too late to leave feedback.

Yea I rarely seen reviews that said prediction come true, or thanks he come back. I always see waiting for prediction to come true or you put my mind at ease.