Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
How does it work? *warning, very cynical view here*
star1:
See (again) readings are confusing because some readers said that my ex partner has NPD traits and will never change. I will say he does have traits of that, but it's not extreme like another ex had. Some said he won't ever be able to be consistent. I won't go into details but most people who act up usually had a bad childhood and that's the case here. My POI and yours has the same star sign and yours is older obviously, and perhaps mine when he's your guys age might still be the same. Leanne Halyburton told me that she wouldn't be surprised if he gets a woman pregnant within the next 18 months and another reader said it once. He's certainly unstable - I know guys, why should I care for someone like this.
star1:
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationshi p before me and my relationshi p with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissisti c behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationshi p he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality . I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologis t) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
star1:
--- Quote from: Still tired on December 01, 2018, 10:18:31 PM ---People with NPD are literally immature in a way they won't ever grow out of. Very unlikely anyway. They get stuck development ally around the age of 5-6 years old. When a person can't ever take accountabil ity or apologize or show remorse that's a very bad sign. And combined with jealousy and possesivene ss, all kinds of things could go wrong with that. Star1 you might really dodge a bullet if you lose this guy.
--- End quote ---
Thanks Still Tired. I completely agree - someone can be immatue, but still accept and apologise if they have done something wrong. If he is not able to apologise or at least show remorse at even his age, then it is worrying. He very much is someone who can't take the blame and always shifts it onto someone else. That is not healthy and I'm beginning to realise it all more, now. The fact he hasn't come forward to check I'm okay or say sorry or anything shows that he still is in that "it's all your fault, but never mine" phase.
psychic girls:
I'm 100 percent sure that psychics can't pick up feeling, why then do they tell everyone of us they the same stock line he had deep feeling for you but he/she scary/afraid or because of fear.
star1:
We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently .. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconsciou s and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.
I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationshi ps without really realising it..
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