Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

CLOSURE

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stelka:
Lighme, exactly! I got my closure because I asked him straight up. We came back from the break-up and it had never been the same since. Even then I was trying and willing to work on it, he wasn't. Obviously he thinks he did try but not enough in my opinion. :). I got frustrated one day and because I'm a hasty Aries and asked him if he is ready for the real relationship. He finally said that the timing is not good for it, that he has lots on his place and can't give me what I want right now. I wasn't asking for much but he wasn't able to give me even that. Well, I'm glad he told me that so I can really move on. If he ever comes back I may re-evaluate the situation but honestly I think and hope there would be nothing to re-evaluate at that point. One wise psychic told me that I can't stay still waiting for him. I need to move forward and enjoy everyday to the fullest because that's what the creator wanted for us. If I don't it's like I'm not appreciating breathing. Those words stuck with me and I'm enjoying my life. Already met someone and having a good time. :)

Synergy:
Well, looks like my departure was short lived, but I just really have to respond to this post.

I completely agree with Lightme and stelka.  Here's the thing, ladies (and you few gentlemen here), we can only get closure ourselves.  That's it.  It's so simple.  No one can provide that for us.  If a man walks away or treats you like dirt, I think that means that he's doesn't want this.  Sure, maybe he'll come back.  There's no denying that.  Maybe he needs time.  We've heard all the reasons, so I won't list them.   The thing is, we have to accept the current reality of our situations.

The other thing is that men and women are radically different.  A man can compartmentalize.  He can end a relationship and then move on with his life without any outward signs of saddness.  As a woman, I know that I tend to linger, and I have all these questions.  Why?? What did I do wrong?  How can I fix things?  The thing is that we can't internalize as much as we do.  Sometimes these men are just straight up screwed up, and the best thing to do is to let them go. 

I asked C straightforward if there was any hope for us because I needed closure as well.  He proceeded to tell me that he just couldn't be in a relationship right now because of an impending trip and because of what he went through in his last relationship.  Well, two weeks after that conversation I found out that he has a serious girlfriend now.  She's gross, and I don't get it.  Now I have even more questions, but I have realized that there's no point in lingering anymore.  He's done. It doesn't matter why.  It doesn't matter that I am still hurt.  It's over. We are basically torturing ourselves because we want answers so badly.  Really, it's not worth it.

4everhopeful:
I agree Synergy. I did the same thing for too long. I still think of my ex, I still wonder what went wrong. But that doesnt help me to move on so I try so hard to just put him out of my mind when he does pop up. All I ever heard from the psychics was he was confused or scared of a committed relationship. Well, excuse me, but he has been with is current girlfriend for over a year and a half. Doesnt seem to scared to me, lol. I should have let the anger in long ago, but the psychics said no, dont let the anger take over. Well the the anger at him is the only thing that got me through and got me to the point of giving up on that relationship or of him ever contacting me again. The anger let the reality in and the fantasy out. At one point, he even emailed me and told me he want in love with me. I, of course, made that famous phone call and talked to Red, one of the most renowned at CP. When I tole her what he said she had the nerve to ask me, "And you believed him????" So of course I believed her instead. I should have believed him, lmfao. Three and almost four years later I finally believe him and not the psychics. I dont mean to be negative or put anyone down, but I just know that 95% of my predictions never came through. And of course I was always the one to blame even though they kept telling me to do nothing which is what I did. Oh well. But I still love to hear the stories of those predictions that did come true. Just wish mine had but Ive lost hope at this point so I really need to change my name, lol.

sunandmoon:
4ever, finally getting angry is what pulled me out of it too. I was always so understanding during that whole time, I would have forgiven him for everything. But I finally had to accept the fact that despite him professing his eternal love for me, breaking up my marriage, losing friends in the process, losing a good job - that he had no desire to be with me anymore. Not even as a friend. Yep, the psychic gave me every excuse in the book for it too. 95% of them said he'd be back. 100% of them were wrong. As I'm typing, I just remembered dreamt last night I had a chance to ask him why he left. Don't know if I ever got the question out of my mouth though. Not that it matters.

For many of us, closure will need to come from within.

Zee:
Sometimes closure does come from confronting the person who you need closure from.  I had a co-worker who after over nine years was able to speak to her ex about how he was the first person she gave her heart to and how he trampled all over it.  Some of the blame was hers for staying in such an unhealthy relationship and after numerous attempts at breaking free, only to return to him.  She told me once of an incident where she was finally dating a good guy, only to have the ex return (she took him back) and made her dump the new guy. He cheated on her constantly, by getting various girls pregnant, during the course of their relationship, even while they lived together.  He actually kind of made her cuckoo, but she was able to tell him everything and throughout their conversation, he talked about his fiancé being pregnant, who he met while dating another girl.  This helped her realize that it wasn’t her and that he had the issues, because he didn’t treat the next girl better, he treated them all the same.  She has since moved on and married a much older man with money, who completely takes care of her; giving her the safety and security she always looked for in a partner.

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