Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

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luckymom:
Hello! My fellow ladies. This is lucky mom. Sorry if I call you this way, but this forum has helped me and keeps helping me so much.  Our stories are so similar. I agreed with Synergy, men just move on to the next relationship. And we just keep asking “why?” If you remember my story since my ex left the girlfriend he dumped me for when I was 4 months pregnant of our second child. He has tried to communicate with me. 4 weeks ago, he asked for forgiveness, but he also made clear he has no intentions of a romantic relationship with me. We have two children together, so we have to see each other and communicate. This has been so hard for me, when I like him so much. Anyway, as you also remember, he also has been trying to get money from me. He is a lawyer, but yet he comes to me with the story that he is struggling financially and he wants me to cancelled child support for a year until he gets to a better place. AS of right now I feel as a NO, in fact I was thinking the opposite, when I filed for child support he was not making as much as he is now. In the other hand he is now VERY friendly and takes the kids 2 days a week. Let me know what you think my fellow ladies....going for 6 mile run now :) 

Zee:
OMG lucky mom, remember the old adage?  Flies with honey...

If he was nicer throughout this ordeal of how he dumped you my thoughts would be different, but since he is being super friendly all of a sudden?  Nada.  He knows you still like him and plan on using that to his advantage.  This is just another in a sea of opinions you will be getting, but don't cancel child support at all. Tell him you will let the courts decide because they can reduce the amount he has to pay based on his declining financial resources.  If this is allowed, you would need to monitor when his resources make an upswing, so you then get it increased. It doesn’t appear as if you’re sticking it to him, but don’t let him shirk his duties altogether.

I've known men who want to reduce or remove their child support obligations altogether, and many have succeeded by working for only cash jobs (this is extremely doable) and nothing on paper to track.  Also some have started other businesses and have placed the business in another name so nothing shows they have any income at all.  I’m not saying he would do any of this, but that it has been done (and one only needs a year). Plus, you have two children to support and he is pestering you for money??

He is still living the single life, while the mother takes on full responsibility. My vote is not to do it, besides two days out of the week to act as father, is nothing compared to the five days out of the week you are the mother.

luckymom:
Thank you Zee! Everything you said is right. Are you a psychic? Just kidding :)  His sudden friendship is too fishy. Plus he is not even doing 2 days, it is just 8hrs on Sundays and 3 hrs on Wednesday. Thanks again.

Zee:
Psychic? no,  Intuitive perhaps.  I just don't want to see you taken advantage of, like so many others.

What irritates me is how it's like he is saying he wants to take a year off.  Sorry, time off from what? Being a father? F! that.

I don't care what men say or the way they have some women convinced, but motherhood is the hardest job in the world.  Period!  And they don’t need a paycheck at the end of the week to prove that. Not all men, but most men can't even be in the same category with the things women (Mothers in particular) go through.  Such b.s.

I’m not a mother yet but when that happens, I know I’ll be wearing that badge proudly.

loops77:
No offense to you, luckymom, but he sounds like a total loser. After all he put you through, he decides to be nice to get off child support? He is a lawyer, he very well knows that the court won't grant him any break. Don't let him get away with this...

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