Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Hands up if you've ever been told this....
Girly1998:
--- Quote from: Yaz88 on October 15, 2019, 12:31:49 AM ---I don’t know. I mean, yes, many of the readers used the excuses you mentioned. My POI didn’t cheat, things got complicated between us overnight (literally), he said he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship (true), told me he had things he needed to work on (also true), and then disappeared without a trace. For the first three months I listened to the readers that he was overcoming obstacles, really trying to get his shit together, working on healing, how much he missed me blah blah blah. I texted him a few times like three months after the disappearing act, nice texts, to which he didn’t respond. Then five months after the disappearing act, I sent another text that wasn’t mean or nice, but clearly showed my displeasure at his silence. Still no response. Then one day, I just woke up. I can’t say which reading triggered this. But, I really don’t care what the hell is going on in his life. I don’t care if his entire world blew up. If someone who was your friend texts you, you text them back. We are grown ass adults. You don’t hide, you confront the situation and handle it. That’s what you do when you respect someone. So now, in my mind, he’s just not worth it. Perhaps someday our paths will cross again and he’ll explain to me why he went silent. But in the meantime, I’m not holding my breath. I always keep an open mind and I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I also know what kind of behavior I find acceptable, and that THIS is not acceptable. Memories do fade in time, and time does heal all wounds. So hang in there, but don’t deny yourself your own worth.
--- End quote ---
I don’t think there’s any excuse for ignoring someone (unless you’ve clearly told them you don’t want to talk anymore). Ignoring a message when you know that person cares about you is such a childish thing to do - the least you could do is tell them you’re done and give them some closure.
Rayban212:
When did you have that reading with her?
Yaz88:
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on October 15, 2019, 12:49:09 AM ---
--- Quote from: Yaz88 on October 15, 2019, 12:31:49 AM ---I don’t know. I mean, yes, many of the readers used the excuses you mentioned. My POI didn’t cheat, things got complicated between us overnight (literally), he said he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship (true), told me he had things he needed to work on (also true), and then disappeared without a trace. For the first three months I listened to the readers that he was overcoming obstacles, really trying to get his shit together, working on healing, how much he missed me blah blah blah. I texted him a few times like three months after the disappearing act, nice texts, to which he didn’t respond. Then five months after the disappearing act, I sent another text that wasn’t mean or nice, but clearly showed my displeasure at his silence. Still no response. Then one day, I just woke up. I can’t say which reading triggered this. But, I really don’t care what the hell is going on in his life. I don’t care if his entire world blew up. If someone who was your friend texts you, you text them back. We are grown ass adults. You don’t hide, you confront the situation and handle it. That’s what you do when you respect someone. So now, in my mind, he’s just not worth it. Perhaps someday our paths will cross again and he’ll explain to me why he went silent. But in the meantime, I’m not holding my breath. I always keep an open mind and I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I also know what kind of behavior I find acceptable, and that THIS is not acceptable. Memories do fade in time, and time does heal all wounds. So hang in there, but don’t deny yourself your own worth.
--- End quote ---
I don’t think there’s any excuse for ignoring someone (unless you’ve clearly told them you don’t want to talk anymore). Ignoring a message when you know that person cares about you is such a childish thing to do - the least you could do is tell them you’re done and give them some closure.
--- End quote ---
Exactly. It’s inconsiderate for someone to hold you in limbo. So if anything, I’ve lost respect for this guy. It’s just so distasteful.
Star_01:
Here's the thing. My latest POI I'm convinced he had commitment issues with me too and liked me at one point, but the way things ended he was really nasty about things. He knows I hate being ignored and he did it as a punishment during arguments. If he told me leave him alone he needs space I always respected it, or if he was done fine I can't stalk or harass him into staying in contact with me. But he ignored me the last time we ever had contact after an argument. I sent him a couple of messages asking to please let me know what is going on as I'm confused and hate not knowing what's happening and he would come on read them and say nothing but not delete me off of his social media or block me. So for that I can't really ever forgive him no matter what as that was spiteful after the connection we had and I really was the first person to come in and treat him right after not such a great upbringing. Like Girly1998 said, it's childish and nasty and immature. Some people may say well you should get the message by him ignoring you.. I disagree. If he said straight up he's done and leave him alone then I would take that and try my best to move on. To ignore me... I may be wrong but others have told me, friends and readers it's leaving me in limbo on purpose for when it suits him to come back in. He doesn't want to say move on leave me alone and regret it for incase he needs to come back later. I don't know if that's true but in most cases guys have always been honest or at least blocked me so I got the message. This guy? It's like he disappeared off of the face of the earth. I'm in the same situation, confused, angry, hurt and disappointed. I specifically told the guy please tell me I promise I won't get mad at you but I'd like to know what's happening here and nope. Nothing. Yet an empath is still trying to tell me he plans to pop back into my life and still has feelings and thinks about me. I disagree, how can you do that to someone you care about? I'm hurting and angry. Completely agree with Girly1998 on this one. It's just spiteful.
Edited to add that POI has done this before. He ignored me for 5 or so days and then pops his head up with excuses as though nothing happened.
RPLguy:
So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
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