Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Hands up if you've ever been told this....

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dasaninot:
I think we're delving into important psychology topics here. It is important to acknowledge that we're all different from person to person (irrelevant of gender), but males and females do have some common themes.

Males generally do tend to bury their emotions and not explode, if they haven't moved on, until later.
Females generally tend to accept their hurt head on, and long-term move on faster if they're able to move on.

Although I would say if someone is in a relationship with another, after you, then those "he's afraid of commitment" comments are so invalid. And when you tell them that how could he be afraid when he's in a relationship? They all start to spew the whole "oh, she's clingy, he can't get rid of her, etc." Point is they are not anti-committal, they just don't want to commit to you.

The only time you can believe that whole argument is when they ran away within like a month of dating, and proceed to date around from person to person. That could be argued they're a f*cukboi, they're simply looking for fun and lied pretending to be serious, or they're anti-committal and afraid.

If someone just disappears after months of dating or a year in a relationship, let's cross them off ladies. They're not anti-committal. They're not going through things. Either something changed and they lost feelings, or they never had anything strong enough to stick and lied. Men lie all the time. Men throw "I love you" around like it's nothing. And men find someone new and are enticed and they grow colder with you and hotter with them. If they just disappear without saying goodbye, they're a spineless coward who doesn't deserve you. Let's think of it as a favor to us, that it happened when it did and not even later on. Don't waste more of your time and heart thinking about these scums. Don't waste your hard-earned money filling scammer pockets with matters of the heart.

Not every man is anti-committal. Maybe college years and shortly after college, and it's mostly because they want to have fun and date around and be free. Most men commit. Commitment doesn't mean marriage, it simply means being faithful in a relationship with one person. I hate how these psychics throw that generalization around simply because it's convenient for them. They want you weak, and attached, and hanging on and waiting for a guy because it means more chances of you returning to them.

We all know the psychic longing is hard to defeat after it becomes habit, but we can do it. It only takes 2 months to break a habit completely. Let's wean off, at least on subjects that have disappeared and aren't worth our time or money.

Star_01:
I do think that some men get scared of commitment or getting hurt but in their eyes admitting to that is a sign of weakness, so they see it as better to run or have short constant flings than anything stable. With women we tend to be more emotional and take it personally, absorb it in as us being the problem or what did we do wrong, etc. It would be easier to have a man be honest sometimes lol.

njlady:

--- Quote from: RPLguy on October 15, 2019, 01:28:55 AM ---So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???

--- End quote ---

No.  I'm great at recognizing behavior patters and saying "no" and "goodbye" to people that don't suit me or aren't good for me.  If I'm getting hurt, I'm putting a stop to the relationship. I don't punish new people for the actions of others.  That's living in the past, not being able to let go and not learning from your experiences.  Some people love to be the perpetual victim with what every man/woman has done to them.  I'm sorry, but after something happens once .. maybe even twice, you should be able to recognize the red flags and make an exit BEFORE you get hurt.  You learn a lesson from what happened and  move forward with new knowledge and to new experiences.

If I meet a man that I like and he is holding on to what some other woman did .... well he can hang on to those memories because he sure as hell isn't going to be allowed to waste my time.  I prefer my men to live in the present, not the past. I'm not interested in someone who makes perpetual bad choices and lacks self-awareness. I have no desire to "fix" them.

If you are dealing with a woman who is evading rather than evolving; asking herself "what red flags did I miss?", "what have I learned to watch out for", "how can I prevent this from happening again?", "what do I know now that I didn't before?"  and a thousand other productive questions and instead just sits there like a broken toy, walk.  They aren't good relationship material.

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