Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Met with POI and left confused

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sawthelight:
Merry Christmas to you and everyone else as well and cheers to a better 2019!

Deedee123:

--- Quote from: star1 on December 25, 2018, 09:47:31 AM ---It really seems to me that your POI is playing mind games with you in my opinion, but perhaps not intentionally. See by laying next to you, sleeping with you and meeting with you then saying "people can love each other and not be together" is going to mess with your head. It seems clearly he loves you, but he seems to be putting other things in his life infront of you when he could be putting you first, more. I completely agree that it'd be good for you to move on, it's not fair for you to wait around whilst he makes his mind up or plays mind games with you whilst he decides what he wants to do. He's had ample opportunity to decide and say he wants you back, but like the above poster said you need to be firm with him and say, "look let's cut to the chase, what are you wanting with me?". It is unfair to keep you hanging whilst he decides what he wants. You said he's done this since March, I think if he really wanted to make things happen he would have taken those steps in these 9 months to make that clear. You can't wait around for the hopes he will come back when he's ready in his time. I really would move on, date around or not but keep busy and no more readings on him if possible.. The thing is, he does love you so I think if he really wanted to, even if he is busy with his career that never stopped him before? I really think you're dealing with a guy who isn't sure of what he wants. We don't know if he has met up with other women since or if there's another woman around him that he might not be telling you about, he could be confused. I know Yona mentioned you another woman that likes him more than he likes her back. I'm not mentioning another woman to worry you, but who knows what is going on because he seems very confused and perhaps even not wanting any commitment with anybody..

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you. I know we don't contact each other anymore, but I hope you have a nice Christmas.

--- End quote ---


It’s so hard because he’s on a contract job out of state, which is primarily why we can’t make a relationship work. He’s more focused on his job and career and less about dating or women. He told me he was fine being single so it just hurts I guess since we did spend 8 years together. 9 months away is nothing compared to 8 years we’ve spent together. I just don’t know how you can be in love with someone and not be with them. It’s weird to me. I know I need to just focus on myself but it’s hard because I do love him and I really know he loves me. I hope you have a nice Christmas too!

star1:

--- Quote from: Deedee123 on December 25, 2018, 04:47:59 PM ---
--- Quote from: star1 on December 25, 2018, 09:47:31 AM ---It really seems to me that your POI is playing mind games with you in my opinion, but perhaps not intentionally. See by laying next to you, sleeping with you and meeting with you then saying "people can love each other and not be together" is going to mess with your head. It seems clearly he loves you, but he seems to be putting other things in his life infront of you when he could be putting you first, more. I completely agree that it'd be good for you to move on, it's not fair for you to wait around whilst he makes his mind up or plays mind games with you whilst he decides what he wants to do. He's had ample opportunity to decide and say he wants you back, but like the above poster said you need to be firm with him and say, "look let's cut to the chase, what are you wanting with me?". It is unfair to keep you hanging whilst he decides what he wants. You said he's done this since March, I think if he really wanted to make things happen he would have taken those steps in these 9 months to make that clear. You can't wait around for the hopes he will come back when he's ready in his time. I really would move on, date around or not but keep busy and no more readings on him if possible.. The thing is, he does love you so I think if he really wanted to, even if he is busy with his career that never stopped him before? I really think you're dealing with a guy who isn't sure of what he wants. We don't know if he has met up with other women since or if there's another woman around him that he might not be telling you about, he could be confused. I know Yona mentioned you another woman that likes him more than he likes her back. I'm not mentioning another woman to worry you, but who knows what is going on because he seems very confused and perhaps even not wanting any commitment with anybody..

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you. I know we don't contact each other anymore, but I hope you have a nice Christmas.

--- End quote ---


It’s so hard because he’s on a contract job out of state, which is primarily why we can’t make a relationship work. He’s more focused on his job and career and less about dating or women. He told me he was fine being single so it just hurts I guess since we did spend 8 years together. 9 months away is nothing compared to 8 years we’ve spent together. I just don’t know how you can be in love with someone and not be with them. It’s weird to me. I know I need to just focus on myself but it’s hard because I do love him and I really know he loves me. I hope you have a nice Christmas too!

--- End quote ---

I just feel like if he is too busy for a relationship, the least he could do is give you some idea of what's going on. Like, he could say "well let's be casual, I can't fully commit with a relationship, but I want to date you but not feel tied down yet because of work", or some indicator. It's like he's messing you about and expects you to wait there and put up with it. He's had ample opportunity to. And I don't blame you for not being ready to move on, only you can move on when you feel ready to. I do hope you can get to a point like I did where you go "fuck it, if he wants me he wants me but I'm moving on til he shows me any signs".

Deedee123:

--- Quote from: star1 on December 25, 2018, 05:06:53 PM ---
--- Quote from: Deedee123 on December 25, 2018, 04:47:59 PM ---
--- Quote from: star1 on December 25, 2018, 09:47:31 AM ---It really seems to me that your POI is playing mind games with you in my opinion, but perhaps not intentionally. See by laying next to you, sleeping with you and meeting with you then saying "people can love each other and not be together" is going to mess with your head. It seems clearly he loves you, but he seems to be putting other things in his life infront of you when he could be putting you first, more. I completely agree that it'd be good for you to move on, it's not fair for you to wait around whilst he makes his mind up or plays mind games with you whilst he decides what he wants to do. He's had ample opportunity to decide and say he wants you back, but like the above poster said you need to be firm with him and say, "look let's cut to the chase, what are you wanting with me?". It is unfair to keep you hanging whilst he decides what he wants. You said he's done this since March, I think if he really wanted to make things happen he would have taken those steps in these 9 months to make that clear. You can't wait around for the hopes he will come back when he's ready in his time. I really would move on, date around or not but keep busy and no more readings on him if possible.. The thing is, he does love you so I think if he really wanted to, even if he is busy with his career that never stopped him before? I really think you're dealing with a guy who isn't sure of what he wants. We don't know if he has met up with other women since or if there's another woman around him that he might not be telling you about, he could be confused. I know Yona mentioned you another woman that likes him more than he likes her back. I'm not mentioning another woman to worry you, but who knows what is going on because he seems very confused and perhaps even not wanting any commitment with anybody..

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you. I know we don't contact each other anymore, but I hope you have a nice Christmas.

--- End quote ---


It’s so hard because he’s on a contract job out of state, which is primarily why we can’t make a relationship work. He’s more focused on his job and career and less about dating or women. He told me he was fine being single so it just hurts I guess since we did spend 8 years together. 9 months away is nothing compared to 8 years we’ve spent together. I just don’t know how you can be in love with someone and not be with them. It’s weird to me. I know I need to just focus on myself but it’s hard because I do love him and I really know he loves me. I hope you have a nice Christmas too!

--- End quote ---

I just feel like if he is too busy for a relationship, the least he could do is give you some idea of what's going on. Like, he could say "well let's be casual, I can't fully commit with a relationship, but I want to date you but not feel tied down yet because of work", or some indicator. It's like he's messing you about and expects you to wait there and put up with it. He's had ample opportunity to. And I don't blame you for not being ready to move on, only you can move on when you feel ready to. I do hope you can get to a point like I did where you go "fuck it, if he wants me he wants me but I'm moving on til he shows me any signs".

--- End quote ---

Yeah, I really feel like I’m there at this point. I spilled my heart out with a long ass text saying how I felt and didn’t get anything in return. I keep giving him excuses like “he’s more focused on his career, he doesn’t know where he’s going after March” but I can’t keep waiting either. I’m definitely keeping busy and working hard and doing my own thing but it’s in the back of my mind too so it’s always there’s. I didn’t expect anything to happen when I saw him but he sat there and told me how in love with me he was and I’m just mind fucked and it hurts. Ughhhhh. I’m frustrated because he didn’t even say anything to my text so I don’t even really have an option at this stage other than not worrying about the situation. He’s busy, I’m busy, we’re still in love. Maybe when we are settled and happy with where we’re at, we can reconnect and get back together but maybe not. And I’m almost okay with the maybe not. Ugh.

Deedee123:

--- Quote from: sawthelight on December 25, 2018, 02:37:41 PM ---Merry Christmas to you and everyone else as well and cheers to a better 2019!

--- End quote ---

Merry Christmas! And to everyone else here on the review board. Y’all have helped me get through the majority of this year just by sharing your own stories and giving me feedback when I needed it the most. Thanks again all.

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