Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Met with POI and left confused

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Deedee123:
I can’t seem to figure him out... and it’s driving me insane.

My POI called me Saturday and asked me to meet him for drinks. We literally had an amazing time just seeing each other after 3 months. We had maybe 2 beers and he said “I still love you” and I said I know you do, I still love you too. Then he said he wants the best for me and if it’s him then so be it... okay. He also said if he were to get me pregnant then he’d drop everything for me and the baby and that I should know that he’d do that for me.
Later we end up hooking up and multiple times during he told me how much he loves me and is in love with me. He told me how much he missed me. Blah blah.
He texted me the next morning and said “so no chance you’re pregnant right?” And I’m like fucking furious because.,, what the fuck.?!! Like he literally fucking is confusing me to a t.
Then he said people can be in love with each other and not be together while we were laying next to each other for 4 hours.... and I’m just like so confused and so hurt and I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling defeated and used even though I know he’s in love with me. Ugh... I don’t know how to give up or move on. I truly don’t. I’ve spent 8 years with him and left him because I thought that was what I wanted. And I feel guilty. And we’re both still in love with each other. I sent him a long text and he didn’t answer. He leaves in 6 days to finish his contract job out of state which ends in March. Readers keep telling me we get back together but I’m just so unsure at this point. Leanne Halyburton - I had a final reading with her a few days ago because I’m moving on from readings and leaving them in 2018, she says that around July time, a relationship develops with someone I know and it’ll be that it didn’t work before because of timing and circumstances but a relationship where we are comfortable and not overthinking things and also says I talk about moving with someone of my POIs description but I literally just don’t know how to hold on? How to let go? I just don’t fucking know anymore. I don’t want to feel the way I do anymore but I also don’t want him to think I’m giving up either? I don’t know.

I just needed to vent and maybe hear what someone else has to say regarding love and relationships because I’m truly lost and mind fucked at this point.

bstalling:
Nothing seems confusing when I read your post. Like Leanne said, timing and circumstances are wrong. Its clear you and your POI have poor communication...you should be asking him these questions. You want to know the future for sure, but it seems you don't really want to make a stand as well. Put your cards on the table and see what happens. Its clear to me your relationship isnt going to be A, B, C like you want it to. Maybe accept that for now and prioritize other things in your life if you can?

Deedee123:

--- Quote from: bstalling on December 25, 2018, 12:00:40 AM ---Nothing seems confusing when I read your post. Like Leanne said, timing and circumstances are wrong. Its clear you and your POI have poor communication...you should be asking him these questions. You want to know the future for sure, but it seems you don't really want to make a stand as well. Put your cards on the table and see what happens. Its clear to me your relationship isnt going to be A, B, C like you want it to. Maybe accept that for now and prioritize other things in your life if you can?

--- End quote ---

I guess you’re right. The communication is poor, but it was great Saturday. I sent a long message and nothing... I have asked him these questions and I don’t get anything in return. I’m trying to accept that it just can’t work now anyways because he’s working a contract job but at the same time, I just wish I knew what was going to happen when he was done. I asked and he doesn’t even know where he’s going to be working after. He might be going to another site. He might be staying in the south and getting a full time job there so he isn’t worried about jumping from contract to contract. I know I need to just focus on my life and really not worry about him but it’s just difficult and I’m really struggling because I’ve thought about him every day since he’s left, haven’t seen him since September and then he calls me as soon as he comes home for drinks and tells me how much he’s still in love with me. But when I’m serious and asking these questions like “will we ever be together again?”, he ignores me. He hasn’t answered me. Is it timing? Or is it he really doesn’t want to be with me? That’s what I’m mostly confused about.

LAW1974:
@DeeDee - sorry you are dealing with this... I am sure many of us can honestly relate!  As BStalling said timing is everything! 

You must take him at his word and honestly just try and have faith:). My ex and I had a crazy connection but I pushed him away BECAUSE I am a person who likes to know answers (I mean were women, we like to have relationships defined).  He was going thru so much at the time and honestly men dont really like us pressuring them for answers!  It actually pushes them away!  Try and keep busy and live your life.  You can choose to date others or focus on other areas of your life!  The less you pressure him to give you commitment and the more he sees that you are happy with YOU, the more likely he is to commit! 

Deedee123:

--- Quote from: LAW1974 on December 25, 2018, 01:38:01 AM ---@DeeDee - sorry you are dealing with this... I am sure many of us can honestly relate!  As BStalling said timing is everything! 

You must take him at his word and honestly just try and have faith:). My ex and I had a crazy connection but I pushed him away BECAUSE I am a person who likes to know answers (I mean were women, we like to have relationships defined).  He was going thru so much at the time and honestly men dont really like us pressuring them for answers!  It actually pushes them away!  Try and keep busy and live your life.  You can choose to date others or focus on other areas of your life!  The less you pressure him to give you commitment and the more he sees that you are happy with YOU, the more likely he is to commit!

--- End quote ---

Thanks so much for responding. It’s just super hard as you know. I know he’s in love with me. I know he cares but he can’t make the commitment and it’s driving me insane. It’s been this was since March and I feel like I have nothing to worry about and we will be together again but there’s always that small voice yelling at me saying to focus on myself and screw anyone who doesn’t put me first. But I’m struggling. Plus, I know him, and he doesn’t show his emotions or talk about them so even when he says “we can be in love but not be together” I’m like... does he really not ever wanna be together? Or does he? So I’m constantly confused. So I tried again today to get a definite answer and it was more like “we’re still in love and you know it, don’t ignore me so I’m not sitting here wondering and going back and forth with it, but do you ever wanna be together again or not?” And he didn’t respond. And of course he still watches my Instagram story daily when he doesn’t even follow me, but he can do that but can’t answer a simple text? It drives me insane and I’m trying to react in this awful way because I know that’s not going to fix anything or make anything better. But now I just feel used almost, and who knows if he will text me or want to see me before he flies back to where he’s working. I just hate this battle and I feel like even if I did date but he’d want to be together, I’d give up everything to be with him because he’s the only person that’s ever felt like home to me. We were together for 8 years. I don’t know, but I’m struggling. :( I’m trying not to let it bother me but it truly does. Sorry for the vent! I’m just ... emotionally exhausted.

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