Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Goodbye
Universal9:
--- Quote from: HornetKick on October 04, 2017, 09:39:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Seeker on October 04, 2017, 07:21:40 PM ---I'd be careful of a lot of advice from Steve Harvey, a lot of it is questionable and rooted in playing on the emotions of desperate or deeply discouraged women. One also has to question the deeply misandric slants he takes, and although I realize he is targeting a female audience misandry certainly won't help the female-male dynamic as it just breeds into women the nonsense idea that men are less than them and other vitriol.
That said, I agree with this one bit of his, however before I throw the relationship away I would ask the guy straight up what the deal is. What women don't often realize is because men and women view things in differing ways a man may not recognize that at a specific moment something is important to a woman and that you were expecting a different outcome than the one the man provided you. I'm sure lots of relationships have broken up for just that one reason alone. If the woman verbalizes it (i.e. "why haven't you introduced me to your family?") and he still doesn't do it, then at that point you know something is wrong.
--- End quote ---
Whereas a man's primary source of love for a woman is her looks, women fall in love with men for different reasons. Looks is hardly at the top of the list, although it can be, it's just not the primary reason the way it is for men. Men do like women who are nice even if they cheated or dumped them previously. I know of a couple of situations like this and it’s something of a challenge to get that woman back and they look at themselves as one of the reasons why she left to begin with. It’s odd, but I know some loooong ass examples of this particular scenario.
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I am curious, in these example you have known where the man thinks of this as sort of challenge and may be blames himself for her cheating on him, does these cases end up in a lasting marriage if any marriage at all? I am curious now.
HornetKick:
--- Quote from: Seeker on October 05, 2017, 11:14:01 AM ---You're totally right. It's a very unhealthy pattern to keep going back to someone who treats you badly, but it's something I've seen so many times now that I stopped even trying to inject the rational side into it. For some reason there are people who just want to stay in rollercoaster situations. My Father and Stepmother did it for 24 years until he passed away, and all that marriage was was cheating, lying, and arguing sun up and sun down. That marriage shouldn't have lasted 3 years, it was a war daily. But they kept coming back to each other.
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Just crazy. I have a cousin who's father is married and not to his mother. (Joe) is married and had an affair (mistress) with another woman (my cousin's mother) and she had four kids by him. They all have the same father and Joe never left his wife. The wife knows and never left the husband. Some crazy women don't even go after the guy for child support, saying stupid stuff like he has other obligations. What about your's. Some people will makecontinue to make excuses for others irrationally.
HornetKick:
--- Quote from: Universal9 on October 05, 2017, 03:30:24 PM ---I am curious, in these example you have known where the man thinks of this as sort of challenge and may be blames himself for her cheating on him, does these cases end up in a lasting marriage if any marriage at all? I am curious now.
--- End quote ---
Not in the examples that I know. I knew a married couple where the guy treated the ex who cheated on him better than the wife. The wife told me stories herself. He would go see his ex during a time when she was in the hospital, hang out with the ex for hours, but the ex left him for another man (which she didn’t marry) and she was a 2/10. That guy’s previous ex to the ex also left him for another man and he was still friends with her, continuing to treat the wife like crap. It didn’t make sense to me. They eventually divorced, but the wife still wanted to make it work. He was the one who decided he didn’t want to be married to her any more. I guess it was the one(s) that got away (in the back on his mind), and was the one he wanted the most. I can’t explain it. Relationships are more complex than math.
HornetKick:
How about blocking your poi on FB. Just not knowing will eventually turn into just not caring what he does or who he sees, will be much more beneficial for you.
HornetKick:
IKR. I have other FB alias as well, but it just takes time. I know when you're in something like I am currently. Time just seems so ginormous and you wish you were on the other side of it already....at least I do.
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