Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Goodbye

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HornetKick:

--- Quote from: Seeker on October 04, 2017, 07:21:40 PM ---I'd be careful of a lot of advice from Steve Harvey, a lot of it is questionable and rooted in playing on the emotions of desperate or deeply discouraged women. One also has to question the deeply misandric slants he takes, and although I realize he is targeting a female audience misandry certainly won't help the female-male dynamic as it just breeds into women the nonsense idea that men are less than them and other vitriol.

That said, I agree with this one bit of his, however before I throw the relationship away I would ask the guy straight up what the deal is. What women don't often realize is because men and women view things in differing ways a man may not recognize that at a specific moment something is important to a woman and that you were expecting a different outcome than the one the man provided you. I'm sure lots of relationships have broken up for just that one reason alone. If the woman verbalizes it (i.e. "why haven't you introduced me to your family?") and he still doesn't do it, then at that point you know something is wrong.

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I was going to say something to that effect about Steve Harvey, because he is on his what…fourth wife? And if you’ve heard what some of the previous wives have said, he didn’t dump them like a kind person would (the way he likes people to think that he is). He generally was onto his next wife before he told the current one. I don’t know him personally, but we all should consider the source.

I also know a woman who had dated a guy for like years and had never been over to his house. This screams red flags to me and she would just shrug it off. To some degree she felt like she was making waves I guess. If I never met the guy’s family, I would think something was wrong especially after dating the guy for a certain number of years. This too is another big, red flag.

Whereas a man's primary source of love for a woman is her looks, women fall in love with men for different reasons. Looks is hardly at the top of the list, although it can be, it's just not the primary reason the way it is for men. Men do like women who are nice even if they cheated or dumped them previously. I know of a couple of situations like this and it’s something of a challenge to get that woman back and they look at themselves as one of the reasons why she left to begin with. It’s odd, but I know some loooong ass examples of this particular scenario. 

mystery123:

--- Quote from: Universal9 on October 04, 2017, 07:51:10 PM ---The point is that not only is she 2/10 (and not 4/10 anymore like I originally estimated) but she also had ditched him years ago. How can you love a person who ditched you for another man? This is unhealthy and does not resonate with me even when I think about it rationally.  May be he had lied to me that she had ditched him for another man. That is the only explanation why he is still pursuing her. It has to be the sexual skills, but love with a woman who had cheated on him? Even if it is the case of love, it is his life, his karma, his doing, and his ending.

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I don't mean to sound negative, but I think if you still care about what he is doing and waiting/hoping for him to come back then you are doing the same thing that that guy is doing. Wanting attention from someone who has backstabbed you several times!

I am sorry if I assumed that you are wanting this guy, but when I read you mentioning "where is the self respect of that guy for wanting that girl who has rejected him several times" then it just made me think of how universe is a mirror!

It's maybe not true for you, and I am again sorry if I assumed that he is your POI, but it's been true with me. I would never suggest any of my girlfriend to go after a guy who has rejected her, but yet I couldn't follow through myself.

Today I had an epiphany like moment- I was getting very anxious thinking that what if the guy I love maybe likes this other woman, and what if they are texting, calling, etc.. and then I took a step back in my thoughts and told myself- 1. It's none of my business 2. Do I really want someone who I can not trust and it always makes me anxious to think about him and wondering if he is interested in someone else 3. It's a reflection of my own insecurities too, because if I am secure enough then I will feel hurt and sad but I won't need him to be with me if he can't respect or love me.

I know we all know this but today it actually got into my head and I felt a sensation of peace after that, it was amazing- like I don't give a sh**, felt sooo good!

Also, I feel there is no rhyme or reason of why someone likes someone. If you are in love then you are in love, if you feel that connection then you just do.. I question myself on daily basis that why do I even love this person- there are much better, smarter guys out there but it's just so tough for me to let go of him.

mystery123:
Thanks for your post! I think I am getting there too..very slowly but surely! :)

Kate:

--- Quote from: Leogirl08 on October 05, 2017, 02:48:06 AM ---Hello everyone:)) Some of you may still remember me but I'm the girl that got her heartbroken about a year ago when I found out my love interest got married (which I had no clue at all)... Anyways, I have been reading this forum on and off for awhile and I just read this message from Littl3one and it made me think of my story and more the reason I wanted to write this.
(Get some wine... red is better than white and get comfy)... I wanted to give an update especially to those that have been blindsided by the outcome of the POI marrying someone else. Guys, last year was not pretty for me especially for the few months after, it really did hurt but I'm so glad that happened to me! Yes, you heard me, because if it didn't I would still be at the same spot thinking and wanting something that wasn't mine to begin with. The universe was helping me all along, it always does...we just don't listen. In hindsight, there were FLAGS big RED FLAGS that I chose to ignore because I thought I'm a great person with a good heart and this person could never do that to me, but bad things happen to good people to help us learn to strengthen our selves to gain that love and respect that we lost because of someone that had no respect from him or her begin with. The universe gave me little trips along the way, I fell but brushed it off and kept going, holding on to hope but when  the universe slapped me hard I fell but guess what that turned everything around for me in the best way possible. If shady comes my way, I got no time for that shit. This might sound crazy but I would rather live that day when I found out he got married than to be married to him, this way the pain was temporary, but being married to a human like him would be a pain everyday...uh no thanks. TRUST ME guys, if you think that this guy or girl is great there are even BETTER people out there and better looking... awful people start to look hideous eventually (probably from all the wrinkles creasing on their forehead when they get upset at everyone else besides themselves). hehe. 

Enough with that , I do want to touch up on the readings that I did have about him and if I can turn back time only two people got it right from the get-go.
Lisa Diane: My first reading with her and I should have stopped there, her exact words to me ... "He will not give you what you are looking for, in fact hunny he is hiding another woman!"- BINGO, that he was. She's ethical, if anything after that reading she was just sweet to me, plus she knew things at times as if she was sitting beside us, quite eerie.
Queen of Cups18: Yes she is blunt but I love it (well now I do), her exact words were..."why do you want/like him, he is with someone else and is a player, he is just about hurting everyone." Yes true that.

As for Sincerity, I know there are mixed reviews about her but she did get the past right but didn't pick up on the fact that they had gotten back together (which would've helped me out tremendously), she is pretty good with being an empath and contact timing. 

I did call after finding out that he got married just to know if I was  ever going to hear from him (not sure if that was the wine talking or me wanting an apology from him) anyways, I spoke to Lisa Dianne, Queen of cups, Jade8926?, Lotus of Light - after I spoke to them, I just left it to the universe and started to focus on healing. One thing that helped me  impeccably was mediation, this was a savior for me! I connected with not just myself,  but with the universe and my angels, the people I should've trusted from the beginning. I learned to journal my thoughts, messages and desires, this helped me see things clearly but most importantly to attract GOOD hearted, well put together men. I have to say, there must of been a part of me that attracted a man like him, like attracts like and I do think at some point my spiritual journey took off and that had to happen for us to part.

For those of you wondering if he contacted me, YES he did, after 9 months of no contact he did. Let me tell you guys something, the universe does listen so careful what you put out there. When I saw that text, I was disgusted, only because I had now transformed into this woman that didn't recognize him. I gave him a text back that will stay with him forever or maybe not but I think he deserved to be told what kind of person he really is (just in case he had forgotten.) The readers that got it right about the contact were Lotus of Light, Jade8926(nailed it), Queen of Cups.

I think I'll stop here, thanks for reading lol, sorry super duper long.... Bottom line guys things only get better after a big tragedy like this, if you think this guy or girl is your plan...the universe has an even bigger and better plan for you.  Goodnight, lights out!

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A great story - thanks so much for sharing. X

Seeker:

--- Quote from: Universal9 on October 04, 2017, 07:51:10 PM ---The point is that not only is she 2/10 (and not 4/10 anymore like I originally estimated) but she also had ditched him years ago. How can you love a person who ditched you for another man? This is unhealthy and does not resonate with me even when I think about it rationally.

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You're totally right. It's a very unhealthy pattern to keep going back to someone who treats you badly, but it's something I've seen so many times now that I stopped even trying to inject the rational side into it. For some reason there are people who just want to stay in rollercoaster situations. My Father and Stepmother did it for 24 years until he passed away, and all that marriage was was cheating, lying, and arguing sun up and sun down. That marriage shouldn't have lasted 3 years, it was a war daily. But they kept coming back to each other.

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