Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Newbie Here
mystery123:
--- Quote from: HornetKick on July 11, 2017, 04:15:03 AM ---Really nice post. I enjoyed reading it and getting something out of the quote. TY.
--- End quote ---
Thank you! I am glad and sometimes it just feels good to write it all out and take off yourself.
Littl30ne:
Hi Mystery123! So what are you going to do now? How is your journey of falling back in love with yourself going? Thank you for sharing your story btw I'm sorry it took you 2 years but it seems like you got a good understanding of where you need to be now (which is very inspiring ☺️)
I ordered some self confidence boosting books because God knows how badly I need to fall back in love with myself again lol. I'm tempted to get readings still but hanging right for now. I'm thinking maybe the more self dependent I become the less I'll need someone for now and the less I'll be thinking about the ex ya know ;) this is such a terrible phase aghhh!!!
mystery123:
--- Quote from: Littl30ne on July 11, 2017, 02:54:24 PM ---Hi Mystery123! So what are you going to do now? How is your journey of falling back in love with yourself going? Thank you for sharing your story btw I'm sorry it took you 2 years but it seems like you got a good understanding of where you need to be now (which is very inspiring ☺️)
I ordered some self confidence boosting books because God knows how badly I need to fall back in love with myself again lol. I'm tempted to get readings still but hanging right for now. I'm thinking maybe the more self dependent I become the less I'll need someone for now and the less I'll be thinking about the ex ya know ;) this is such a terrible phase aghhh!!!
--- End quote ---
I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I am hoping when the guy moves away, he will be out of sight, out of mind, and it will help me heal somewhat quicker maybe. I have deactivated all my social media as I don't want to see what he or others are up to. Just want to focus on myself. My recovery process has been long. I have been working on myself for last one year and a half, because I was also a depression patient till last year, but I worked enough on myself to stop taking anti-depressants and now even though I have this heart wrenching pain sometimes, I can tell myself it will be okay. I still do have BAD days, but I know it gets better.
As far as this guy is concerned, I am at a point where I do get upset, cry a lot, and still wonder why can't he feel the same way, and why can't he be with me..and just feel heart broken, cheated and abandoned... but I almost instantly subconsciously give an answer to myself that maybe this is my lesson, maybe he came into my life to teach me a thing or two about being heartbroken.. become more authentic, compassionate, learn to love myself.. I still in my anger wish ill for him, but then take a step back and know that it's not his fault. I have also rejected people before, broken up with guys, and maybe it's my turn this time. I know it sounds all so preachy and book-ish, but that's truly how I feel.
Few things that has helped me are-
1. Subliminal Message/Affirmations Videos on youtube. Vortex Success and Rockstar Affirmations. I just played them in background when over music when I am at work.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrIOuPmqRLVmHKNGldGf2Kw
I listened to so many of these and realized I needed to work so much on myself--self love, self esteem, give up need for attachment and neediness, inner child, need for approval and validation, forgiveness, acceptance, and what not.
2. Tapping Videos by Brad Yates - https://www.youtube.com/user/eftwizard
I went to a local EFT tapping group, and fell in love with the technique! I am not very good with meditation, so this form of release worked out very well for me. It helped me with my depression a lot!
3. Listened to Guided Meditations/Self Hypnosis while sleeping, the one which helped me was clearing subconscious negativity - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiPDV9L5qpQ
4. I am an audible fan, so I prefer to listen books while driving, walking. So, if nothing then just listen to this book called Spirit Junkie, it's very easy to read, and she talks about her relationship, how she felt and how she overcame the whole thing, it gives some good insights. It's a little on spiritual side, but not too much.
5. Loved listening to Eat Pray Love, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Esther Hicks, Hay House podcasts..these books diverted me and provided a lot of perspective. Pain is inevitable, we just need to find ways to work our way around it, and these books helped me understand that.
6. I also started journalling, maintaining a gratitude journal. Learnt energy healing technique.
And, if you don't want to do anything, then just read the book -- Love yourself like your life depends on it. It's a maybe 1 hour read and a simple technique which author tells. Seems stupid initially then it starts working.
It's funny I did all this because I was determined to stop taking anti-depressants, however, I was still crazy after this guy so I was doing everything LOA, wishing, praying, even some of my eft tapping was around how I wanted this guy, readings, psychics, and all small rituals there are on the internet to manifest your desires I was doing them. Cuz I thought we were super special and that we have this bond which no one has..it's different with me and him..lol.
Last month, when I realized that he is fine sleeping with me, and hanging out, but he can't reciprocate my feelings, likes someone else, and is moving.. my world fell apart! I cried straight for two days, but it was different this time, it was more like grieving, mourning because I could see it ending for good now. The little hope I had was taken away. But, I could hold myself together and talk about it, so all the work I did is not a waste. I did get some healing work done on myself through mendingenergy on Fiverr. It was only 5 bucks, and even if it worked as placebo, I didn't care, it did something at least.
I still feel sad, still get readings about him here and there, still mad that this happened to me, it's very hard right now.. but this time I love myself enough to not reach out if he is rejecting me, and I tell myself that it will get better and I believe that it WILL. In my gut I know it's for the best and whether I find someone or not, I will be fine. I can't fight what's God's will, so it's better to accept it and just be at peace. I am trying to Trust the process, it's very hard at times, and at those times, I really pray for a miracle, and at this point I know a miracle won't be that he falls in love with me, the miracle would be that my perception changes, and I feel relief, peace and I can heal.
Sorry for sounding preachy again..hahaha!
Hope you feel better soon!
I have had some readers who told me, if this guy was worth it, then you wouldn't be calling about him. LOL
maroonlight:
--- Quote from: mystery123 on July 10, 2017, 10:19:44 PM ---I can absolutely relate to your post! Except for me it was past two years. I have tried everything from psychics, to affirmations, to trying LOA, to doing candle prayers, going to the holiest of places and praying for it, fasting, all manifestation and wish granting techniques available on internet, you name it and I have done it.. in the end I can say it didn't help. I was listening to this book once and the lady said if you want confirmation from universe then ask for a sign, I did, and got one!! But nothing happened, not sure what those signs were for.
Yes, at times I felt I saw some difference in the guy(or maybe it was just my perception), we hooked up again, on and off, so I thought maybe it's my Lanie Stevens or one of 1000 LOA things I try is working, but in the end the truth is it didn't last and that it was painful for me.
I wanted something meaningful which he couldn't provide. I have been hurt beyond my wildest imagination, and I have stopped seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (at least with him).
Last month, I actually have started working on myself, and trying to see why do I want someone who doesn't want me? Is rejection breeding my obsession? Or, is it some inner work I need to do? Do I really want to be with someone for whom I have to put in so much work?
It feels/felt like I am failing and my ego just doesn't wanna accept that it's over. Earlier, I would disregard negative readings and still keep reading, but I guess in the end the negative ones were right, at least for me. I am still trying to heal, can't focus on my work, have to take crying breaks (I feel stupid just writing that lol).. but I have to remind myself that if God/Universe/Higher Power doesn't want it, the guy doesn't want it, then I am the minority here. Life is unfair and I maybe have to accept it, learn my lesson and move on. Trust me I am trying to hard every single day, life seems hopeless, but I read about people here and how they moved on and maybe one day I will feel better too.
I exactly know how you feel, this was the first time I felt so passionately for someone, when I look back and even now too, I can't believe it can be over, I feel it was something super special and what not (and especially when psychics tell you-- what you guys have I don't see that often, I bet they throw this line to everyone) but now I stop myself and ask myself --why am I being so stubborn? Why can't I just let it go? I have wasted good 2 years, have been in so much pain, I don't think it's worth it!
I agree with above comments, try to move on, if he's to come back maybe he will, but don't pin your hope to something that might never happen.
For past two years, I have tried to make things happen so much that I feel exhausted now, almost like Universe/God didn't listen to me, and some days I am so mad and feel it's so unfair, but I am coming to accept that it is what it is, unfortunately life is not fair. I had learnt this lesson pretty good as a child, but I think I had forgotten so someone up there decided to give me a reminder...lol
I am trying to surrender, and let go, hence have started reading A course in Miracles, which says 'a miracle is change in your perception' and here is a quote from one of it's teachers-
“If a train doesn’t stop at your station, then it’s not your train.”
Sorry it's so long, but hope it helps!
--- End quote ---
I've been through all the same. I've tried candle spells, prayer, LOA, went through the psychic addiction, and nothing has changed for me. The truth of the matter is we just can't have everything or everyone that we want in life, and loss of people/our relationships with them is normal. People come and go in our lives, and it's difficult and painful, but somehow we have to go on. I agree with your last line, if something is truly meant to happen or be yours then it will, if not, there is always something better behind a new door once the old door closes. Calling the readers does nothing but feed the obsession and gives false hope that something will change, making it even harder to let go of the person and move on.
bluebelle:
--- Quote from: maroonlight on July 13, 2017, 01:01:26 AM ---
--- Quote from: mystery123 on July 10, 2017, 10:19:44 PM ---I can absolutely relate to your post! Except for me it was past two years. I have tried everything from psychics, to affirmations, to trying LOA, to doing candle prayers, going to the holiest of places and praying for it, fasting, all manifestation and wish granting techniques available on internet, you name it and I have done it.. in the end I can say it didn't help. I was listening to this book once and the lady said if you want confirmation from universe then ask for a sign, I did, and got one!! But nothing happened, not sure what those signs were for.
Yes, at times I felt I saw some difference in the guy(or maybe it was just my perception), we hooked up again, on and off, so I thought maybe it's my Lanie Stevens or one of 1000 LOA things I try is working, but in the end the truth is it didn't last and that it was painful for me.
I wanted something meaningful which he couldn't provide. I have been hurt beyond my wildest imagination, and I have stopped seeing the light at the end of the tunnel (at least with him).
Last month, I actually have started working on myself, and trying to see why do I want someone who doesn't want me? Is rejection breeding my obsession? Or, is it some inner work I need to do? Do I really want to be with someone for whom I have to put in so much work?
It feels/felt like I am failing and my ego just doesn't wanna accept that it's over. Earlier, I would disregard negative readings and still keep reading, but I guess in the end the negative ones were right, at least for me. I am still trying to heal, can't focus on my work, have to take crying breaks (I feel stupid just writing that lol).. but I have to remind myself that if God/Universe/Higher Power doesn't want it, the guy doesn't want it, then I am the minority here. Life is unfair and I maybe have to accept it, learn my lesson and move on. Trust me I am trying to hard every single day, life seems hopeless, but I read about people here and how they moved on and maybe one day I will feel better too.
I exactly know how you feel, this was the first time I felt so passionately for someone, when I look back and even now too, I can't believe it can be over, I feel it was something super special and what not (and especially when psychics tell you-- what you guys have I don't see that often, I bet they throw this line to everyone) but now I stop myself and ask myself --why am I being so stubborn? Why can't I just let it go? I have wasted good 2 years, have been in so much pain, I don't think it's worth it!
I agree with above comments, try to move on, if he's to come back maybe he will, but don't pin your hope to something that might never happen.
For past two years, I have tried to make things happen so much that I feel exhausted now, almost like Universe/God didn't listen to me, and some days I am so mad and feel it's so unfair, but I am coming to accept that it is what it is, unfortunately life is not fair. I had learnt this lesson pretty good as a child, but I think I had forgotten so someone up there decided to give me a reminder...lol
I am trying to surrender, and let go, hence have started reading A course in Miracles, which says 'a miracle is change in your perception' and here is a quote from one of it's teachers-
“If a train doesn’t stop at your station, then it’s not your train.”
Sorry it's so long, but hope it helps!
--- End quote ---
I've been through all the same. I've tried candle spells, prayer, LOA, went through the psychic addiction, and nothing has changed for me. The truth of the matter is we just can't have everything or everyone that we want in life, and loss of people/our relationships with them is normal. People come and go in our lives, and it's difficult and painful, but somehow we have to go on. I agree with your last line, if something is truly meant to happen or be yours then it will, if not, there is always something better behind a new door once the old door closes. Calling the readers does nothing but feed the obsession and gives false hope that something will change, making it even harder to let go of the person and move on.
--- End quote ---
Very well said, I agree 💯 %
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