Hi Mystery123! So what are you going to do now? How is your journey of falling back in love with yourself going? Thank you for sharing your story btw I'm sorry it took you 2 years but it seems like you got a good understanding of where you need to be now (which is very inspiring ☺️)
I ordered some self confidence boosting books because God knows how badly I need to fall back in love with myself again lol. I'm tempted to get readings still but hanging right for now. I'm thinking maybe the more self dependent I become the less I'll need someone for now and the less I'll be thinking about the ex ya know 
this is such a terrible phase aghhh!!!
I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I am hoping when the guy moves away, he will be out of sight, out of mind, and it will help me heal somewhat quicker maybe. I have deactivated all my social media as I don't want to see what he or others are up to. Just want to focus on myself. My recovery process has been long. I have been working on myself for last one year and a half, because I was also a depression patient till last year, but I worked enough on myself to stop taking anti-depressants and now even though I have this heart wrenching pain sometimes, I can tell myself it will be okay. I still do have BAD days, but I know it gets better.
As far as this guy is concerned, I am at a point where I do get upset, cry a lot, and still wonder why can't he feel the same way, and why can't he be with me..and just feel heart broken, cheated and abandoned... but I almost instantly subconsciously give an answer to myself that maybe this is my lesson, maybe he came into my life to teach me a thing or two about being heartbroken.. become more authentic, compassionate, learn to love myself.. I still in my anger wish ill for him, but then take a step back and know that it's not his fault. I have also rejected people before, broken up with guys, and maybe it's my turn this time. I know it sounds all so preachy and book-ish, but that's truly how I feel.
Few things that has helped me are-
1.
Subliminal Message/Affirmations Videos on youtube. Vortex Success and Rockstar Affirmations. I just played them in background when over music when I am at work.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrIOuPmqRLVmHKNGldGf2KwI listened to so many of these and realized I needed to work so much on myself--self love, self esteem, give up need for attachment and neediness, inner child, need for approval and validation, forgiveness, acceptance, and what not.
2.
Tapping Videos by Brad Yates -
https://www.youtube.com/user/eftwizardI went to a local EFT tapping group, and fell in love with the technique! I am not very good with meditation, so this form of release worked out very well for me. It helped me with my depression a lot!
3. Listened to Guided Meditations/Self Hypnosis while sleeping, the one which helped me was clearing subconscious negativity -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiPDV9L5qpQ4. I am an audible fan, so I prefer to listen books while driving, walking. So, if nothing then just listen to this book called Spirit Junkie, it's very easy to read, and she talks about her relationship, how she felt and how she overcame the whole thing, it gives some good insights. It's a little on spiritual side, but not too much.
5. Loved listening to Eat Pray Love, Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Esther Hicks, Hay House podcasts..these books diverted me and provided a lot of perspective. Pain is inevitable, we just need to find ways to work our way around it, and these books helped me understand that.
6. I also started journalling, maintaining a gratitude journal. Learnt energy healing technique.
And, if you don't want to do anything, then just read the book -- Love yourself like your life depends on it. It's a maybe 1 hour read and a simple technique which author tells. Seems stupid initially then it starts working.
It's funny I did all this because I was determined to stop taking anti-depressants, however, I was still crazy after this guy so I was doing everything LOA, wishing, praying, even some of my eft tapping was around how I wanted this guy, readings, psychics, and all small rituals there are on the internet to manifest your desires I was doing them. Cuz I thought we were super special and that we have this bond which no one has..it's different with me and him..lol.
Last month, when I realized that he is fine sleeping with me, and hanging out, but he can't reciprocate my feelings, likes someone else, and is moving.. my world fell apart! I cried straight for two days, but it was different this time, it was more like grieving, mourning because I could see it ending for good now. The little hope I had was taken away. But, I could hold myself together and talk about it, so all the work I did is not a waste. I did get some healing work done on myself through mendingenergy on Fiverr. It was only 5 bucks, and even if it worked as placebo, I didn't care, it did something at least.
I still feel sad, still get readings about him here and there, still mad that this happened to me, it's very hard right now.. but this time I love myself enough to not reach out if he is rejecting me, and I tell myself that it will get better and I believe that it WILL. In my gut I know it's for the best and whether I find someone or not, I will be fine. I can't fight what's God's will, so it's better to accept it and just be at peace. I am trying to Trust the process, it's very hard at times, and at those times, I really pray for a miracle, and at this point I know a miracle won't be that he falls in love with me, the miracle would be that my perception changes, and I feel relief, peace and I can heal.
Sorry for sounding preachy again..hahaha!
Hope you feel better soon!
I have had some readers who told me, if this guy was worth it, then you wouldn't be calling about him. LOL
