Metaphysical, Spiritual and Psychic Discussions > Keen.com
U reach out or sit back
11jlady:
I really think it depends on the situation. Who broke up with who? If YOU did the breaking up with.........yes YOU should contact said person at some point. If THEY did the breaking up with YOU........then NO you should not contact them. If a person breaks up with you, that basically means that at that moment in time and for however long, they don't want you in their life unless they say otherwise. But I certainly DO NOT recommend contacting a person that has broken up with you at all ever. I never do and I never will.
11jlady:
To add to my previous comment: If you reach out to a person that broke up with you, and did so in a negative way by lying, cheating, sabotaging in whatever way, then you are just asking them to keep doing that to you. The guy I'm dealing with now broke up with me and then threw a fit because I wasn't reaching out to him. I was like huh? YOU broke with ME and then expect me to chase you? No dude. Not happening. I'm not going to play those games. If you didn't want to break up then you shouldn't have behaved in those ways and said you were done. Now it's time for you to grow up and fix things. If you want me, show me. Otherwise, last I knew, you didn't want me cause you broke up with me.
If I'd continue to reach out to him then I'm just feeding his ego and enabling his shitty behavior. Nope. Ain't happening. And if we never speak again, then we don't. And it wouldn't be because I didn't care about him, rather it would be because I have to start caring about me too and not exposing myself to such pain. When he decides to change, I will know it because I will see different behaviors and hear different things that match those behaviors. Until then, nope. I don't want to hurt anymore. Period.
star1:
--- Quote from: 11jlady on November 16, 2018, 01:58:26 PM ---To add to my previous comment: If you reach out to a person that broke up with you, and did so in a negative way by lying, cheating, sabotaging in whatever way, then you are just asking them to keep doing that to you. The guy I'm dealing with now broke up with me and then threw a fit because I wasn't reaching out to him. I was like huh? YOU broke with ME and then expect me to chase you? No dude. Not happening. I'm not going to play those games. If you didn't want to break up then you shouldn't have behaved in those ways and said you were done. Now it's time for you to grow up and fix things. If you want me, show me. Otherwise, last I knew, you didn't want me cause you broke up with me.
If I'd continue to reach out to him then I'm just feeding his ego and enabling his shitty behavior. Nope. Ain't happening. And if we never speak again, then we don't. And it wouldn't be because I didn't care about him, rather it would be because I have to start caring about me too and not exposing myself to such pain. When he decides to change, I will know it because I will see different behaviors and hear different things that match those behaviors. Until then, nope. I don't want to hurt anymore. Period.
--- End quote ---
He broke up with you and threw a fit at you for not chasing him? Lol what? ;D
11jlady:
Yeah. It was crazy. Thing is, he always got upset that I never initiated after a period of time cause I always just felt like he could care less as long as he had some sort of attention but he didn't care from who, just that he had the attention. So, throughout the last few years of the on/off relationship I never initiated. I'm the kind of person that is perfectly fine being completely alone. I don't need attention from any new guys or whatever. But he freaked out on me telling me I'd never be able to have a relationship with even a dog if I kept that up. Well, I didn't do that in my past relationships. Just this one and for good reason. You don't break up with someone, then get pissed when they don't reach out and text you. But his reasoning for me wanting to do that was sort of proven when I actually said "F it" and gave it a try this last time he broke up with me.
He started acting like his typical not so nice self mid October so I text him asking if he could call me (this was on November 2nd) and told him I wanted to talk. He totally blew me off so I sent him an email expressing my feelings and love for him etc. You know what kind of response I got? The next day he basically tells me that I had nothing to say in mid October but now suddenly I do and he didn't acknowledge any of the love stuff I expressed. He basically just wanted to be chased by me for egotistical purposes which is why I never reached out previously. Obviously, I was right and I will NEVER do it again.
If I break up with a person, I don't expect to ever hear from them again cause I'm basically saying "Hey, I'm pretty done here so have a nice life". Unless I tell them I want to remain friends, then I'd reach out. That's pretty much it. I don't understand people's flawed logic.
star1:
--- Quote from: 11jlady on November 16, 2018, 02:24:01 PM ---Yeah. It was crazy. Thing is, he always got upset that I never initiated after a period of time cause I always just felt like he could care less as long as he had some sort of attention but he didn't care from who, just that he had the attention. So, throughout the last few years of the on/off relationship I never initiated. I'm the kind of person that is perfectly fine being completely alone. I don't need attention from any new guys or whatever. But he freaked out on me telling me I'd never be able to have a relationship with even a dog if I kept that up. Well, I didn't do that in my past relationships. Just this one and for good reason. You don't break up with someone, then get pissed when they don't reach out and text you. But his reasoning for me wanting to do that was sort of proven when I actually said "F it" and gave it a try this last time he broke up with me.
He started acting like his typical not so nice self mid October so I text him asking if he could call me (this was on November 2nd) and told him I wanted to talk. He totally blew me off so I sent him an email expressing my feelings and love for him etc. You know what kind of response I got? The next day he basically tells me that I had nothing to say in mid October but now suddenly I do and he didn't acknowledge any of the love stuff I expressed. He basically just wanted to be chased by me for egotistical purposes which is why I never reached out previously. Obviously, I was right and I will NEVER do it again.
If I break up with a person, I don't expect to ever hear from them again cause I'm basically saying "Hey, I'm pretty done here so have a nice life". Unless I tell them I want to remain friends, then I'd reach out. That's pretty much it. I don't understand people's flawed logic.
--- End quote ---
He can be so mean to you sometimes! Telling you that you couldn't even have a relationship with a dog, that's so rude. My ex before POI was like that, he was a narc and it was all about ego boosting and being given attention and affection. Doesn't want you to move on, but doesn't want you and doesn't seem to be making any efforts unless it benefits him sexually/money/egotism. I hope you realise you are worth more than how he makes you feel.
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