I can't thank you guys enough for each and every post! I feel stronger today by just knowing that I am not alone, crazy, obsessive person and this is somewhat normal... just telling myself that it's okay to feel sad and it may take some or lot of time to get over and simply the decision that I don't want him for good has actually helped me a lot in a weird way, like I am free of some baggage.
I do have the tendency to block out and numb myself if I experience or anticipate hurt, maybe I should work on not doing that and letting it all out like you guys said.
It's been a spiral for me. I have been trying to let go since beginning of this year, but I think I was never honest, otherwise wouldn't be calling psychics. I think I really hit rock bottom last few weeks/months. Today, first time I could feel it inside and could resonate with "I don't want him, if he doesn't want me and he can go to hell for all I care" .. like I just feel it in my bones whereas before I would say it but deep down still hoping for him to love me.
I have Susan Anderson's audio book- from Abandonment to Healing. I never finished it, I will start it again. I definitely do have rejection issues- thanks to my alcoholic dad! But at least now I know and can work towards healing these patterns.
Enjoyed the Mathhew Hussey video as well, it's a good idea to look at it like that.
In a weird way I am actually excited about and looking forward to get over this guy. I hope I can keep up my high spirits, and even if not, then I know it's okay to be low too. It shall too pass.
Thanks again, guys!