Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Exhausted need help

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kdspirited:

--- Quote from: user5942 on April 03, 2020, 01:39:10 AM ---Personally, I think cord cutting is total bullshit

There is no magic to getting over someone you cared about, especially loved

It’s going to hurt and take time, you need to go through those motions in order to fully heal. There’s no shortcut or secret passageway

You need to work through the steps of grief because that’s technically what you’re dealing with - losing someone

That’s going to take work and it is a process, but at the end of it you feel wonderful

All this magical, metaphysical, and psychic stuff didn’t help me...but therapy, praying to God, and medication did

--- End quote ---
User I am willing to try anything to be honest except medication and psychics. I just want this to be out of my system. I agree I know it needs to work its way out of my system I am willing to get professional help. SO Therapy is next for me. I know I am not perfect by any means and I need to be patient with myself through this but it is frustrating nonetheless that I got myself to this point

user5942:
I tried cord cutting by 3 different people and it was a total waste /:

Just giving my opinion, I developed panic disorder even after the cord cutting

Not telling you to do anything, but I was always anti therapy and medication and it just got out of control for me. They were the only things that saved me and if I had done them sooner, I would’ve saved a lot of money...just wouldn’t want anyone to make the same mistakes and be out more money than they need to be!

kdspirited:
First off sorry to hear that things got bad for you. I know life is not fair and things like these do not make it any easier. I am going to do Therapy for sure not a question of If at all. Thats on the docket as they say

kdspirited:

--- Quote from: Still tired on April 04, 2020, 05:31:45 PM ---My experience was it took some time and effort to retrain my thoughts so I wasn't thinking about my ex all the time. It got to the point where I was so disgusted by it that I just immediately dismissed him every time he popped up in my thoughts. So I mean he was still popping up for a long time but I gradually stopped dwelling on it and just directed my attention to other things.

It's harder to do that after having lots of readings on a person because all those things the psychics said keep popping up too, and a lot of it is contradictory so your mind can't even settle on one line of thinking. It just goes round and round. After many years of readings it just became obvious to me none of what they said really mattered anyway. Some things were true and some were not but none of it really had any real significance to my life. I always had this mix of dread and hope about what my ex might do and I thought the readings would prepare me. None of it really made any difference though. The only thing that made a difference was I decided I had enough of it, cut ties with him and made the effort to change my thoughts. It does take an effort because however long you've been dwelling on it or getting readings, that builds up habits and momentum. It's like stopping a runaway train.

I used to always wake up thinking about my ex, but there would be a brief moment when I didn't and I felt okay. Then it was like I remembered it all came flooding back to me and a dark cloud descended over me. I'm not even sure when that stopped happening, but it took me longer than 3 years. There were times I felt better for awhile, then those waves of grief would start hitting me again. It was so hard. It takes time to process all those emotions and get them out of your body. Some days I just sobbed over it and couldn't do much of anything else. When it hits you that hard maybe the best you can do is surrender to it.

Part of why it took me so long is I had a lot of things to figure out about myself and my life before I could see the whole situation clearly. I had to change my perspective on some things and it took some outside events to make that happen. It was like I had a huge puzzle to solve and I couldn't see the bigger picture. I was just focused on this one little section of the puzzle that had my ex in it. Once I started to see beyond that the other pieces just fell into place, and I realized he didn't have as big of a place in my life as I thought he did.

--- End quote ---

Still Tired oh my gosh thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. That is exactly how I feel. I never thought is a million years Id be stuck in this whirlwind. I am determined to get over it as soon as I able. I do the same thing everytime he pops into my head I brush him aside and even telll him to get out of my head. Even if I have to do it out loud. It helps but its temporary until the next  time. I know its a process and I am willing to work on it. Any tips to refocus my mind? I try watching shows or reading books meditation or exercising . But even then he pops up in my head during all these distractions. I have to say I dont cry over him as much as I used to I have come a long way on that. Someone once told me the best way to see how far you have come is to compare where you are today to where you were a few months ago. When I do that I realize truly how far I have come in trying to get over him. I am staying strong and focused and hope that I come out of this quarantine healed and looking ahead not back

russianred:

--- Quote from: kdspirited on April 02, 2020, 09:00:59 PM ---Thank you all so much for your wisdom and help. I was really down and out yesterday. This self isolation doesnt help either. I know I am done with it. I just have to accept it wholeheartedly and know that it happened for my own benefit that the universe was watching over me. I just get frustrated when I wake up in the morning and my thoughts go to him. It doesnt matter if they are good or bad. I immediately hate myself for even thinking of him and feel like a failure. I have been doing cord cutting meditation and loook forward to the day I wake up and he is no longer on my mind. I even loathe that I have to put in so much of an effort into forgetting about him. I know its going to take time and i appreciate you all so very much for your support

Love to you all

--- End quote ---

One thing I've worked on in therapy is that judging myself for my emotions, anxiety, frustration, whatever it is actually compounds the bad feelings.  I learned that my anxiety in itself isn't the biggest issue -- it's the self-judging and the anxiety about the anxiety -- the "I feel silly for being so anxious," "what if this anxiety never goes away?", things like that.

I bring this up because it sounds like a lot of your emotional pain comes from you being upset at yourself for how much you continue to think about him.  Remind yourself that you are OK even if you are thinking about him.  You are not on a schedule for moving on.  I can relate to being so frustrated at how much I continued to dwell on a person when I just wanted to move on.  I think you can find certainty in that time will likely naturally help you to move on.

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