Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
IF......POI comes back after ghosting
Kkbich2014:
Im not sure if this counts, but I had a guy that I dated for 3 months ghost me. I After 5 months an advisor told me that if I reached out he would respond and be interested and we would begin dating again. I did and we started seeing each other again as predicted. The advisor told me he would have "commitment issues" and because they all say this, I only listened to the part that mentioned we would date again. This is after him refusing to respond to my texts in the past. I just couldnt let it go even when I should have. It never went back to what it was before the ghosting and I wish we never talked again honestly. The advisor was right. He didnt want anything serious. Ghosting, while hurtful and cold, can be a real blessing to you. Anyone that really loves you the way you deserve to be loved would never ghost you.
--- Quote from: Angel22 on November 08, 2019, 05:18:56 AM ---Just curious - any advices or suggestions would be really appreciated.
I have been going through this forum for past 6 months and been through some posts where people mentioned there POI ghosted them. Similar thing happened with me, my POI ghosted me after 6 months of dating and then began the psychic binge. Finally I have come to the stage of letting go and leaving everything on God/Universe. Accepting whatever might be the outcome. Some really good readers gave me the reasons such as fear of commitment, not financially stable, healing etc etc..and I believe similar kind of readings have been given to many people over here. 6 months is not a long period to date and get stuck on a guy but somehow I was unable to let go and felt our connection was genuine and I know he is a good guy. Things were fine and suddenly the ghosting. I never pushed him nor pursued him after he did not answer my text. I know ghosting thing has been discussed on this forum before as to how it is uncool, know your self-worth, its cowardly etc. But has any readers readings from the above reasons panned true and the poi came back after ghosting? If he was genuine would you let go and give it a chance even if the ghosting thing is not acceptable? It would be hard to trust the guy later (in case he comes back) but has anyone here gone through this and things happened according to what a reader said and eventually things became good with your POI? or hypothetically how would you react in such a case?
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dasaninot:
--- Quote from: Kkbich2014 on December 02, 2019, 07:19:48 PM ---Im not sure if this counts, but I had a guy that I dated for 3 months ghost me. I After 5 months an advisor told me that if I reached out he would respond and be interested and we would begin dating again. I did and we started seeing each other again as predicted. The advisor told me he would have "commitment issues" and because they all say this, I only listened to the part that mentioned we would date again. This is after him refusing to respond to my texts in the past. I just couldnt let it go even when I should have. It never went back to what it was before the ghosting and I wish we never talked again honestly. The advisor was right. He didnt want anything serious. Ghosting, while hurtful and cold, can be a real blessing to you. Anyone that really loves you the way you deserve to be loved would never ghost you.
--- Quote from: Angel22 on November 08, 2019, 05:18:56 AM ---Just curious - any advices or suggestions would be really appreciated.
I have been going through this forum for past 6 months and been through some posts where people mentioned there POI ghosted them. Similar thing happened with me, my POI ghosted me after 6 months of dating and then began the psychic binge. Finally I have come to the stage of letting go and leaving everything on God/Universe. Accepting whatever might be the outcome. Some really good readers gave me the reasons such as fear of commitment, not financially stable, healing etc etc..and I believe similar kind of readings have been given to many people over here. 6 months is not a long period to date and get stuck on a guy but somehow I was unable to let go and felt our connection was genuine and I know he is a good guy. Things were fine and suddenly the ghosting. I never pushed him nor pursued him after he did not answer my text. I know ghosting thing has been discussed on this forum before as to how it is uncool, know your self-worth, its cowardly etc. But has any readers readings from the above reasons panned true and the poi came back after ghosting? If he was genuine would you let go and give it a chance even if the ghosting thing is not acceptable? It would be hard to trust the guy later (in case he comes back) but has anyone here gone through this and things happened according to what a reader said and eventually things became good with your POI? or hypothetically how would you react in such a case?
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AMEN!
I too made the same mistake of giving one coward another chance, only to be praised and chased once more just so he could ghost out of nowhere, months after, AGAIN. I loathe myself for letting it happen.
Sometimes you want closure. You can't make sense of things, you want answers, etc; it's human nature. Don't dread on it. But realize sometimes you may never receive closure from a situation or person so you have to take the active role of closing that chapter forever. Don't let your precious time go to waste waiting for an apology, a person, a truth.
Sometimes they pop up again, but more than likely it will end up as it did. So do yourself a favor and don't run circles. That will not only lead to the same old outcome but you may just spend time, again, looking for closure from the second time around.
If someone loves you, respects you, cares about you enough, they will not ghost. We don't want to tell our hearts and egos otherwise. We come up with excuses. But more than often, that's the hard truth. And even if someone somehow has love for you in his heart but still ghosts, is that the kind of love you want? A flaky love? A coward who did not take a day to think about how much ghosting would hurt you? Someone capable of doing the same again?
Mental peace is love, too. Probably the most important and influential kind of love. And you deserve it.
Star_01:
I must be really hated by the male population because every ex or guy I've gotten seriously involved in has never to date returned. My friends, especially 1 of them has had 99% of people from her past return. However it isn't usually for nice reasons, the ex is with someone new and married but getting no sex, or they want money or are bored and seeking a bit of flirty or company chatting until they find someone else.
My friend is in a situation where her ex after 3 months of not talking contacted her saying he missed her and they've been talking for months now - for her to find out he's seeing someone and she's hurting.
Sometimes I think it's for the best that none of mine ever have contacted me as it's very rare that they come back for genuine reasons.
I did something very stupid recently but learned my lesson. I got involved with a guy who rushed in, charmed me, spent hours on the phone together and texted 24/7 who then met up, stupidly slept together almost right away and he made an excuse about going out and he would be back and ghosted me, blocked me. He clearly wasn't over his ex and lied all along to me that they'd been split for almost 6 months when it was 2/3 weeks before I met him. He had been with her a long time and I was just a hookup rebound. It hurts because the rebounder usually never returns in my experience or comes back later thinking "shit, they were actually good for me!", yet the reboundee is the one who is hurting and it's that painful feeling that he loves someone else and used you to get over her. It was my own fault, he clearly had issues as she cheated on him and he hasn't come to terms with it or their breakup. I should have been wiser but everyone is different and some people seem to have all their exes or people from the past pop up and others don't. It's horses for courses.
Star_01:
--- Quote from: Still tired on December 06, 2019, 06:42:08 PM ---I believe in most cases you are better off if the person never comes back. There's a reason why things didn't work out the first time around and it's not likely to change. Even if you still care for each other and no one did anything seriously wrong, something was probably off in terms of compatibility or circumstances not lining up right.
Ghosting is an especially bad sign though because at best it means that person lacks the ability to show basic respect and consideration for your feelings...or at worst means they are capable of doing so but choose not to for some reason.
2 exes ghosted me and those were the ones I ended up calling psychics about because I didn't understand what happened. I blamed myself and tried to figure out what I could have done differently. Eventually I realized both had serious mental issues - which both of them told me but I didn't listen - and there was nothing I could have done to fix that. But even if that had never been an issue, neither of them was compatible with me. Whatever drew us together in the beginning wasn't enough to build a lasting relationship.
One ex told me a few years later that he cut me out of his life because he loved me and he knew he was bad for me and he thought I would be better off with someone else. I didn't fully learn from the experience why he was all wrong for me so I ended up repeating that whole experience with the second ex. Except he was far too selfish to ever give me any kind of closure or resolution or to let me go. He ghosted me in the most passive aggressive, maddening way possible, never talking things out with me but never leaving me alone either. I would have been better off if he fully disappeared out of my life. The saddest thing was I couldn't see that. If I had I could have cut all ties with him and moved on a lot sooner.
My experience has been that when people keep coming and going out of my life, there's something I am not seeing or understanding about the situation. As soon as I get it, they leave never to return again, and I don't miss them.
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I agree. Why would you want someone back who didn't care for you when they disappeared on you with no regards to your feelings and leaving you in limbo? It's one of the most cruelest things to do to a person because they're going to be left with so many unanswered questions and feel really shit in themselves. Even if it's a case of them leaving to protect themselves because they fell for you and got scared or don't want you to get hurt they could at least be honest.
HornetKick:
--- Quote from: Star_01 on December 06, 2019, 09:23:08 PM ---
--- Quote from: Still tired on December 06, 2019, 06:42:08 PM ---I believe in most cases you are better off if the person never comes back. There's a reason why things didn't work out the first time around and it's not likely to change. Even if you still care for each other and no one did anything seriously wrong, something was probably off in terms of compatibility or circumstances not lining up right.
Ghosting is an especially bad sign though because at best it means that person lacks the ability to show basic respect and consideration for your feelings...or at worst means they are capable of doing so but choose not to for some reason.
2 exes ghosted me and those were the ones I ended up calling psychics about because I didn't understand what happened. I blamed myself and tried to figure out what I could have done differently. Eventually I realized both had serious mental issues - which both of them told me but I didn't listen - and there was nothing I could have done to fix that. But even if that had never been an issue, neither of them was compatible with me. Whatever drew us together in the beginning wasn't enough to build a lasting relationship.
One ex told me a few years later that he cut me out of his life because he loved me and he knew he was bad for me and he thought I would be better off with someone else. I didn't fully learn from the experience why he was all wrong for me so I ended up repeating that whole experience with the second ex. Except he was far too selfish to ever give me any kind of closure or resolution or to let me go. He ghosted me in the most passive aggressive, maddening way possible, never talking things out with me but never leaving me alone either. I would have been better off if he fully disappeared out of my life. The saddest thing was I couldn't see that. If I had I could have cut all ties with him and moved on a lot sooner.
My experience has been that when people keep coming and going out of my life, there's something I am not seeing or understanding about the situation. As soon as I get it, they leave never to return again, and I don't miss them.
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I agree. Why would you want someone back who didn't care for you when they disappeared on you with no regards to your feelings and leaving you in limbo? It's one of the most cruelest things to do to a person because they're going to be left with so many unanswered questions and feel really shit in themselves. Even if it's a case of them leaving to protect themselves because they fell for you and got scared or don't want you to get hurt they could at least be honest.
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I agree because once you let them come back, they know exactly what to say and do to get you back and then they ghost repeatedly. I also agree it's just effing cruel.
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