Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

logical vs illogical

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Star_01:

--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 04:59:18 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 04:07:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 03:51:14 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 02:04:40 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 01:31:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 12:59:49 PM ---Lovefash67, I completely agree with you. I always use logic with my readings and one reader told me that logic is important.

I have been in 2 situations with 2 different POI's and what most of the readers said weren't realistic which is why readings lost their magic, and surprise surprise their predictions didn't happen. I knew deep down that what readers were telling me wasn't logical or what could be possible and that's when I slowly weaned off of the readings and what helped me. Of course you always will have a couple who up front admit that yes I will likely get contact but nothing will change and the person is a waste of time - however that may well be just common sense.

There has been a discussion already about how long too long is. Logic to me would state if the relationship has come to the point where your POI is in out shake it all about and you're consulting psychics - it's not looking for a good future. A healthy relationship is where a couple has arguments but then talks things through with each other and moves on. Not one person disappearing for weeks/months on end and coming back when it suits them. Or needing to meet another person/s/sex with others to realise that they really want you. To me that isn't very genuine and I could never forgive someone for that. Men seem to have the habit of popping in and out of our lives when it suits them, sometimes many years onwards but it is upto us to decide if they can be worthy of forgiveness. We have to, as you put Lovefash67, balance up the pro's and con's on the situation and decide if really, it's worth the time and energy or if sadly it is time to move on and venture onto new things. I was told once by a family member to sit with them and do a pro box and con box and write out in each column the good and bad.. Well, you can guess which column filled up quicker 🙄 The issue is we are madly in love at the time and we allow much more than we should from someone, we put up with lots of behaviour that we wouldn't from a friend or sometimes family member. Hell, we're wasting hundreds and thousands on these POI's and holding onto lots of hope.

I think we definitely need to use logic in our situations and be careful to take our readings with a pinch of salt whilst continuing with our lives, even though that is very difficult (and easy to say). After all, most of what readers say rarely happens.

--- End quote ---

I agree but disagree at the same time. i agree on the initial part what you mentioned but everyone's journey is different. there may be things they need to learn to realize how they feel about someone. maybe you'll still be around or maybe you would have moved on. but plenty of people get together because they realized how much they loved each other. i rather be with someone who has to go through something to be with someone who falls out of love with me as time goes on. sometimes neither has to happen. all im saying is every relationship is different. some take a straight road, some take a curvy one. doesn't mean either is wrong. if you really loved someone and were still in love with them and they showed up at your door, you wouldn't forgive them just because they took some time to realize? then you've never been in love. this does not excuse bad behavior. im talking about a normal relationship where things just fell apart. men dont function like we do. i am mostly surrounded by men (friendships and work life). i have all my life. half the time they dont realize things until it hits them straight into the head or are told directly. my advice is forgive everyone, not for them but for yourself. doesnt mean you end up with them but forgive them because resentment and bitterness is not going to build in them but within you.

--- End quote ---

I'm sorry but I completely disagree. So I should accept someone who disappeared for months on end or slept with or saw other women and suddenly want to know me, or I don't love them? Each to their own but I completely disagree there and would rather have respect for myself than allow someone the green light to say okay go away for a few months and do what you like I'll still be here. I'm a doormat pretty much when it comes to guys and far too forgiving but the longer someone leaves something and shows no sorrow, manages to date and see other women the less I could ever move forwards or forgive them.

It has nothing to do with me being bitter, it is about me saying you chose your decision and I am better than that and won't allow someone to come in and out of my life whenever it suits them. I think that personally that is much healthier.

Without sounding rude our experiences with men are much different to each other. I've never had a man go and come back and be genuine about being sorry and realising what he's done. There was always a motive or it was disingenuous. You are luckier and honestly I don't mean to sound rude but seem to have men see you on a pedestal and respect you. That's why I posted what I did. I have seen nothing but the bad and selfish side of men returning. The same with my friends and family and their exes, it never has been genuine. Even they said that themselves.

Maybe I also should have been clearer - do I believe that it is possible anybody can go and realise their feelings for you in time? I believe that applies - geninuely - in specific situations such as someone with depression who pushes you away, or commitment phobic. But when it comes to wanting to have their cake and eat it and enjoying the single life, mixed in with how they treated you in the relationship (abusive or no) if they come back all sorrowful in my personal opinion that's a self serving false oh shit what did I do I want her now, now I'm ready. And that's wrong and on their terms. But if other women accept that that's upto them I'm just posting personally how I feel and apologise if others disagree.

--- End quote ---

That’s not what I meant. I’m not saying anyone should accept anything. You can have respect for yourself and accept them back or not accept them back. The two are not related. I’m just saying when you really love someone, there’s a lot you’re willing to forgive. People are fallible. We all make mistakes. Some bigger than others. We often see things only from our perspectives and from our hurt egos. It’s always what someone else did. Half the time people are fighting their own demons that have nothing to with us. I always used to be like oh f*ck this person they screwed me over and this one that one. The longer I kept doing this, I kept myself in that victim state. Then I stopped because I got so frustrated and realized people do shit and that’s their own problem. It has nothing to do with me and it’s like all of that hurt anger whatever else is lifted off your back. Everyone hurts us yet we still love them. There is not one relationship where the person at one time doesn’t hurt you in some way or another. It’s just what you’re willing to accept and can move past.

--- End quote ---

Well that's exactly what I said in my opening post that you responded to disagreeing, I said about how men go and explore elsewhere with other women and muck us about then come back when it suits them and you mentioned about if I don't forgive them I can't love them and that is okay for them to go away and do whatever in order to realise their mistakes? Unfortunately in all seriousness and honesty, I haven't been lucky as you have to have a man go okay I did wrong and I actually had to go away to realise what I've done. My relationships all were men coming back and forth for motives. Yes, a man can come back and genuinely miss us and realise his mistakes, but that doesn't happen often at all. There's a difference between someone making mistakes and someone taking you for a ride, we all can rock up to an exes door crying and begging for them back but it depends on the true intention behind it and a man typically shows with actions his feelings than words.

--- End quote ---


lol thats not what i said. i said that if someone was still in love with someone and was thinking of that person even when with others and that person showed up at your door one day apologizing, most people will accept them back whether they would admit it or not openly. we forgive people because we love them even if they hurt us. you can still have respect for yourself and accept them back. or dont. those two are not mutually inclusive. but if you never had an ex return its easy to say you wouldn't because you've never been in the situation. im not saying which way is right or wrong. i mean its a given not to accept someone who doesnt have good intentions but thats not at all what i meant in my post lol. i would never condone that. ive never encountered a man who didnt mean it when they came back (im not talking only about myself im talking about in others lives as well). why would you want to be with someone who just takes you for a ride? lol we know when people love us. we can see it and we can feel emanating from their aura. i was referring to people who love each but f***** up along the way.

--- End quote ---


Exactly, and I personally don't agree with that. I wouldn't accept a man having to go off to meet other women to realise my worth and his feelings for me. You may think that that is okay, we all are different. You have had different life experiences to mine, like you've experienced men apologising and sorrowful for their actions. I, family and friends have all had different experiences. You talk about it being easy for me to say if I haven't been in that situation - well I have and that's the whole point of me posting on this thread. I have been in unhealthy situations, for readers to say oh yeah he loves you he will come around poor him go easy on him when he comes in because he's afraid, but they don't know how he behaved and that really he is self serving and involved with me to get things out of me. I also disagree that we have to or should forgive anybody - that's upto us individually to decide and sometimes it isn't easy to forgive someone after how they acted. Sometimes it is better. You can forgive the wrong person, people put on good masks and that was the point of my response to the OP. We do need to use logic to a situation and not always be away with the fairies with what these readers say, and take it as gospel. If all men were truly sorry and realised their mistakes we wouldn't all be calling readers, but many times people come on to say the guy is in and out he sends a couple of texts and disappears again. Most of the time it's keeping someone on the end of a piece of string and it's lovely to know that someone is waiting for us when are out having the time of our lives. Yes I think it's perfectly healthy to not allow forgiveness to certain people but move on.

ladya:

--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 05:28:28 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 04:59:18 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 04:07:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 03:51:14 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 02:04:40 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 01:31:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 12:59:49 PM ---Lovefash67, I completely agree with you. I always use logic with my readings and one reader told me that logic is important.

I have been in 2 situations with 2 different POI's and what most of the readers said weren't realistic which is why readings lost their magic, and surprise surprise their predictions didn't happen. I knew deep down that what readers were telling me wasn't logical or what could be possible and that's when I slowly weaned off of the readings and what helped me. Of course you always will have a couple who up front admit that yes I will likely get contact but nothing will change and the person is a waste of time - however that may well be just common sense.

There has been a discussion already about how long too long is. Logic to me would state if the relationship has come to the point where your POI is in out shake it all about and you're consulting psychics - it's not looking for a good future. A healthy relationship is where a couple has arguments but then talks things through with each other and moves on. Not one person disappearing for weeks/months on end and coming back when it suits them. Or needing to meet another person/s/sex with others to realise that they really want you. To me that isn't very genuine and I could never forgive someone for that. Men seem to have the habit of popping in and out of our lives when it suits them, sometimes many years onwards but it is upto us to decide if they can be worthy of forgiveness. We have to, as you put Lovefash67, balance up the pro's and con's on the situation and decide if really, it's worth the time and energy or if sadly it is time to move on and venture onto new things. I was told once by a family member to sit with them and do a pro box and con box and write out in each column the good and bad.. Well, you can guess which column filled up quicker 🙄 The issue is we are madly in love at the time and we allow much more than we should from someone, we put up with lots of behaviour that we wouldn't from a friend or sometimes family member. Hell, we're wasting hundreds and thousands on these POI's and holding onto lots of hope.

I think we definitely need to use logic in our situations and be careful to take our readings with a pinch of salt whilst continuing with our lives, even though that is very difficult (and easy to say). After all, most of what readers say rarely happens.

--- End quote ---

I agree but disagree at the same time. i agree on the initial part what you mentioned but everyone's journey is different. there may be things they need to learn to realize how they feel about someone. maybe you'll still be around or maybe you would have moved on. but plenty of people get together because they realized how much they loved each other. i rather be with someone who has to go through something to be with someone who falls out of love with me as time goes on. sometimes neither has to happen. all im saying is every relationship is different. some take a straight road, some take a curvy one. doesn't mean either is wrong. if you really loved someone and were still in love with them and they showed up at your door, you wouldn't forgive them just because they took some time to realize? then you've never been in love. this does not excuse bad behavior. im talking about a normal relationship where things just fell apart. men dont function like we do. i am mostly surrounded by men (friendships and work life). i have all my life. half the time they dont realize things until it hits them straight into the head or are told directly. my advice is forgive everyone, not for them but for yourself. doesnt mean you end up with them but forgive them because resentment and bitterness is not going to build in them but within you.

--- End quote ---

I'm sorry but I completely disagree. So I should accept someone who disappeared for months on end or slept with or saw other women and suddenly want to know me, or I don't love them? Each to their own but I completely disagree there and would rather have respect for myself than allow someone the green light to say okay go away for a few months and do what you like I'll still be here. I'm a doormat pretty much when it comes to guys and far too forgiving but the longer someone leaves something and shows no sorrow, manages to date and see other women the less I could ever move forwards or forgive them.

It has nothing to do with me being bitter, it is about me saying you chose your decision and I am better than that and won't allow someone to come in and out of my life whenever it suits them. I think that personally that is much healthier.

Without sounding rude our experiences with men are much different to each other. I've never had a man go and come back and be genuine about being sorry and realising what he's done. There was always a motive or it was disingenuous. You are luckier and honestly I don't mean to sound rude but seem to have men see you on a pedestal and respect you. That's why I posted what I did. I have seen nothing but the bad and selfish side of men returning. The same with my friends and family and their exes, it never has been genuine. Even they said that themselves.

Maybe I also should have been clearer - do I believe that it is possible anybody can go and realise their feelings for you in time? I believe that applies - geninuely - in specific situations such as someone with depression who pushes you away, or commitment phobic. But when it comes to wanting to have their cake and eat it and enjoying the single life, mixed in with how they treated you in the relationship (abusive or no) if they come back all sorrowful in my personal opinion that's a self serving false oh shit what did I do I want her now, now I'm ready. And that's wrong and on their terms. But if other women accept that that's upto them I'm just posting personally how I feel and apologise if others disagree.

--- End quote ---

That’s not what I meant. I’m not saying anyone should accept anything. You can have respect for yourself and accept them back or not accept them back. The two are not related. I’m just saying when you really love someone, there’s a lot you’re willing to forgive. People are fallible. We all make mistakes. Some bigger than others. We often see things only from our perspectives and from our hurt egos. It’s always what someone else did. Half the time people are fighting their own demons that have nothing to with us. I always used to be like oh f*ck this person they screwed me over and this one that one. The longer I kept doing this, I kept myself in that victim state. Then I stopped because I got so frustrated and realized people do shit and that’s their own problem. It has nothing to do with me and it’s like all of that hurt anger whatever else is lifted off your back. Everyone hurts us yet we still love them. There is not one relationship where the person at one time doesn’t hurt you in some way or another. It’s just what you’re willing to accept and can move past.

--- End quote ---

Well that's exactly what I said in my opening post that you responded to disagreeing, I said about how men go and explore elsewhere with other women and muck us about then come back when it suits them and you mentioned about if I don't forgive them I can't love them and that is okay for them to go away and do whatever in order to realise their mistakes? Unfortunately in all seriousness and honesty, I haven't been lucky as you have to have a man go okay I did wrong and I actually had to go away to realise what I've done. My relationships all were men coming back and forth for motives. Yes, a man can come back and genuinely miss us and realise his mistakes, but that doesn't happen often at all. There's a difference between someone making mistakes and someone taking you for a ride, we all can rock up to an exes door crying and begging for them back but it depends on the true intention behind it and a man typically shows with actions his feelings than words.

--- End quote ---


lol thats not what i said. i said that if someone was still in love with someone and was thinking of that person even when with others and that person showed up at your door one day apologizing, most people will accept them back whether they would admit it or not openly. we forgive people because we love them even if they hurt us. you can still have respect for yourself and accept them back. or dont. those two are not mutually inclusive. but if you never had an ex return its easy to say you wouldn't because you've never been in the situation. im not saying which way is right or wrong. i mean its a given not to accept someone who doesnt have good intentions but thats not at all what i meant in my post lol. i would never condone that. ive never encountered a man who didnt mean it when they came back (im not talking only about myself im talking about in others lives as well). why would you want to be with someone who just takes you for a ride? lol we know when people love us. we can see it and we can feel emanating from their aura. i was referring to people who love each but f***** up along the way.

--- End quote ---


Exactly, and I personally don't agree with that. I wouldn't accept a man having to go off to meet other women to realise my worth and his feelings for me. You may think that that is okay, we all are different. You have had different life experiences to mine, like you've experienced men apologising and sorrowful for their actions. I, family and friends have all had different experiences. You talk about it being easy for me to say if I haven't been in that situation - well I have and that's the whole point of me posting on this thread. I have been in unhealthy situations, for readers to say oh yeah he loves you he will come around poor him go easy on him when he comes in because he's afraid, but they don't know how he behaved and that really he is self serving and involved with me to get things out of me. I also disagree that we have to or should forgive anybody - that's upto us individually to decide and sometimes it isn't easy to forgive someone after how they acted. Sometimes it is better. You can forgive the wrong person, people put on good masks and that was the point of my response to the OP. We do need to use logic to a situation and not always be away with the fairies with what these readers say, and take it as gospel. If all men were truly sorry and realised their mistakes we wouldn't all be calling readers, but many times people come on to say the guy is in and out he sends a couple of texts and disappears again. Most of the time it's keeping someone on the end of a piece of string and it's lovely to know that someone is waiting for us when are out having the time of our lives. Yes I think it's perfectly healthy to not allow forgiveness to certain people but move on.

--- End quote ---

ye thats not what im saying LOL. forgiveness is not for the other person, its for yourself. you can forgive a person from afar. you can forgive a person and choose to not have them in your life. forgiveness does not mean let people walk all over you or accept unacceptable behavior. i was more so saying to forgive the people who hurt you or even more so those who never apologized. its for you to feel better. its so the hurt doesnt build up in you. if you dont let go of the pain, it becomes a part of you, as if its part of your personality. its an easy crutch to fall back on. its good to know where you came from and all you've been through but it doesnt have to define who you are moving forward.

Star_01:

--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 05:43:40 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 05:28:28 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 04:59:18 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 04:07:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 03:51:14 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 02:04:40 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 28, 2019, 01:31:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 12:59:49 PM ---Lovefash67, I completely agree with you. I always use logic with my readings and one reader told me that logic is important.

I have been in 2 situations with 2 different POI's and what most of the readers said weren't realistic which is why readings lost their magic, and surprise surprise their predictions didn't happen. I knew deep down that what readers were telling me wasn't logical or what could be possible and that's when I slowly weaned off of the readings and what helped me. Of course you always will have a couple who up front admit that yes I will likely get contact but nothing will change and the person is a waste of time - however that may well be just common sense.

There has been a discussion already about how long too long is. Logic to me would state if the relationship has come to the point where your POI is in out shake it all about and you're consulting psychics - it's not looking for a good future. A healthy relationship is where a couple has arguments but then talks things through with each other and moves on. Not one person disappearing for weeks/months on end and coming back when it suits them. Or needing to meet another person/s/sex with others to realise that they really want you. To me that isn't very genuine and I could never forgive someone for that. Men seem to have the habit of popping in and out of our lives when it suits them, sometimes many years onwards but it is upto us to decide if they can be worthy of forgiveness. We have to, as you put Lovefash67, balance up the pro's and con's on the situation and decide if really, it's worth the time and energy or if sadly it is time to move on and venture onto new things. I was told once by a family member to sit with them and do a pro box and con box and write out in each column the good and bad.. Well, you can guess which column filled up quicker 🙄 The issue is we are madly in love at the time and we allow much more than we should from someone, we put up with lots of behaviour that we wouldn't from a friend or sometimes family member. Hell, we're wasting hundreds and thousands on these POI's and holding onto lots of hope.

I think we definitely need to use logic in our situations and be careful to take our readings with a pinch of salt whilst continuing with our lives, even though that is very difficult (and easy to say). After all, most of what readers say rarely happens.

--- End quote ---

I agree but disagree at the same time. i agree on the initial part what you mentioned but everyone's journey is different. there may be things they need to learn to realize how they feel about someone. maybe you'll still be around or maybe you would have moved on. but plenty of people get together because they realized how much they loved each other. i rather be with someone who has to go through something to be with someone who falls out of love with me as time goes on. sometimes neither has to happen. all im saying is every relationship is different. some take a straight road, some take a curvy one. doesn't mean either is wrong. if you really loved someone and were still in love with them and they showed up at your door, you wouldn't forgive them just because they took some time to realize? then you've never been in love. this does not excuse bad behavior. im talking about a normal relationship where things just fell apart. men dont function like we do. i am mostly surrounded by men (friendships and work life). i have all my life. half the time they dont realize things until it hits them straight into the head or are told directly. my advice is forgive everyone, not for them but for yourself. doesnt mean you end up with them but forgive them because resentment and bitterness is not going to build in them but within you.

--- End quote ---

I'm sorry but I completely disagree. So I should accept someone who disappeared for months on end or slept with or saw other women and suddenly want to know me, or I don't love them? Each to their own but I completely disagree there and would rather have respect for myself than allow someone the green light to say okay go away for a few months and do what you like I'll still be here. I'm a doormat pretty much when it comes to guys and far too forgiving but the longer someone leaves something and shows no sorrow, manages to date and see other women the less I could ever move forwards or forgive them.

It has nothing to do with me being bitter, it is about me saying you chose your decision and I am better than that and won't allow someone to come in and out of my life whenever it suits them. I think that personally that is much healthier.

Without sounding rude our experiences with men are much different to each other. I've never had a man go and come back and be genuine about being sorry and realising what he's done. There was always a motive or it was disingenuous. You are luckier and honestly I don't mean to sound rude but seem to have men see you on a pedestal and respect you. That's why I posted what I did. I have seen nothing but the bad and selfish side of men returning. The same with my friends and family and their exes, it never has been genuine. Even they said that themselves.

Maybe I also should have been clearer - do I believe that it is possible anybody can go and realise their feelings for you in time? I believe that applies - geninuely - in specific situations such as someone with depression who pushes you away, or commitment phobic. But when it comes to wanting to have their cake and eat it and enjoying the single life, mixed in with how they treated you in the relationship (abusive or no) if they come back all sorrowful in my personal opinion that's a self serving false oh shit what did I do I want her now, now I'm ready. And that's wrong and on their terms. But if other women accept that that's upto them I'm just posting personally how I feel and apologise if others disagree.

--- End quote ---

That’s not what I meant. I’m not saying anyone should accept anything. You can have respect for yourself and accept them back or not accept them back. The two are not related. I’m just saying when you really love someone, there’s a lot you’re willing to forgive. People are fallible. We all make mistakes. Some bigger than others. We often see things only from our perspectives and from our hurt egos. It’s always what someone else did. Half the time people are fighting their own demons that have nothing to with us. I always used to be like oh f*ck this person they screwed me over and this one that one. The longer I kept doing this, I kept myself in that victim state. Then I stopped because I got so frustrated and realized people do shit and that’s their own problem. It has nothing to do with me and it’s like all of that hurt anger whatever else is lifted off your back. Everyone hurts us yet we still love them. There is not one relationship where the person at one time doesn’t hurt you in some way or another. It’s just what you’re willing to accept and can move past.

--- End quote ---

Well that's exactly what I said in my opening post that you responded to disagreeing, I said about how men go and explore elsewhere with other women and muck us about then come back when it suits them and you mentioned about if I don't forgive them I can't love them and that is okay for them to go away and do whatever in order to realise their mistakes? Unfortunately in all seriousness and honesty, I haven't been lucky as you have to have a man go okay I did wrong and I actually had to go away to realise what I've done. My relationships all were men coming back and forth for motives. Yes, a man can come back and genuinely miss us and realise his mistakes, but that doesn't happen often at all. There's a difference between someone making mistakes and someone taking you for a ride, we all can rock up to an exes door crying and begging for them back but it depends on the true intention behind it and a man typically shows with actions his feelings than words.

--- End quote ---


lol thats not what i said. i said that if someone was still in love with someone and was thinking of that person even when with others and that person showed up at your door one day apologizing, most people will accept them back whether they would admit it or not openly. we forgive people because we love them even if they hurt us. you can still have respect for yourself and accept them back. or dont. those two are not mutually inclusive. but if you never had an ex return its easy to say you wouldn't because you've never been in the situation. im not saying which way is right or wrong. i mean its a given not to accept someone who doesnt have good intentions but thats not at all what i meant in my post lol. i would never condone that. ive never encountered a man who didnt mean it when they came back (im not talking only about myself im talking about in others lives as well). why would you want to be with someone who just takes you for a ride? lol we know when people love us. we can see it and we can feel emanating from their aura. i was referring to people who love each but f***** up along the way.

--- End quote ---


Exactly, and I personally don't agree with that. I wouldn't accept a man having to go off to meet other women to realise my worth and his feelings for me. You may think that that is okay, we all are different. You have had different life experiences to mine, like you've experienced men apologising and sorrowful for their actions. I, family and friends have all had different experiences. You talk about it being easy for me to say if I haven't been in that situation - well I have and that's the whole point of me posting on this thread. I have been in unhealthy situations, for readers to say oh yeah he loves you he will come around poor him go easy on him when he comes in because he's afraid, but they don't know how he behaved and that really he is self serving and involved with me to get things out of me. I also disagree that we have to or should forgive anybody - that's upto us individually to decide and sometimes it isn't easy to forgive someone after how they acted. Sometimes it is better. You can forgive the wrong person, people put on good masks and that was the point of my response to the OP. We do need to use logic to a situation and not always be away with the fairies with what these readers say, and take it as gospel. If all men were truly sorry and realised their mistakes we wouldn't all be calling readers, but many times people come on to say the guy is in and out he sends a couple of texts and disappears again. Most of the time it's keeping someone on the end of a piece of string and it's lovely to know that someone is waiting for us when are out having the time of our lives. Yes I think it's perfectly healthy to not allow forgiveness to certain people but move on.

--- End quote ---

ye thats not what im saying LOL. forgiveness is not for the other person, its for yourself. you can forgive a person from afar. you can forgive a person and choose to not have them in your life. forgiveness does not mean let people walk all over you or accept unacceptable behavior. i was more so saying to forgive the people who hurt you or even more so those who never apologized. its for you to feel better. its so the hurt doesnt build up in you. if you dont let go of the pain, it becomes a part of you, as if its part of your personality. its an easy crutch to fall back on. its good to know where you came from and all you've been through but it doesnt have to define who you are moving forward.

--- End quote ---

Yes... I know what you were saying.. You can forgive someone but not accept them back. Well in my view, it is also perfectly healthy to say - no I don't forgive you, too. Sometimes it is hard to forgive someone and again, you may be different to me in that sense. I can promise I'm not in any pain over not forgiving anybody, that sounds very LOA and is in my case very untrue. You can decide that someone hurt you so bad you can't forgive them again and want to move on with your life and from that person but not forgive their actions. I have people who I can't forgive but I'm living life okay and have moved on. I'm not in any pain lol.

You can not forgive someone and be very bitter towards them or you can live your life but if it came to it if you saw that certain person you could say well I can't forgive them for what they done. An example is a family member told me that they wouldn't forgive their sibling for how they treated me. But that family member isn't losing any sleep over them or full of anger, it's kind of like a if it came to it I couldn't forgive them for how they acted. You can look back and remember things people did.

Star_01:

--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 28, 2019, 06:26:09 PM ---I only read a portion of this thread so it is a little inappropriate I am chiming in; but I have an experience to share.
I remember I was dating a guy who lived some distance from me who I met on a bacholorette party. He flew over a couple times to see me and I to him and we were in a casual sense "dating." After about 6 months of this, this guy disappeared on me. No call, no text, no stupid cat-meme, nothing. TWO WHOLE DAMN WEEKS LATER, I get a "Hey I'm sorry I was busy" message. Mind you, I saw social media activity frequently. So he texts me, I confront him and I say to him " You know this means we are starting over." This was a key statement that I communicated which said, what you did was not okay and all the effort you put in the beginning to gain my trust you lost' so you will need to work to gain it all back and I will need to work to forgive you. I believe this is what women miss when re-starting a relationship, you don't start where you left off, you RE-START from the beginning. I think some women are afraid that re-starting from the beginning will be too much work for their partners and they will leave again. But if someone is not "changed" and wants back in your life, they will leave again regardless.

My two-three cents.

--- End quote ---

You said this recently;

Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

And I completely agree with it. The reason why I remember is we were discussing this not so long ago on a "how long is too long" thread. I do believe that you have to put many parts into the equation and look at a situation from all angles.. are they truly sorry, is it a case of things are going quiet with other women and he wants the attention from you now, was the relationship healthy, is this a common occurence etc.

Star_01:

--- Quote from: Still tired on August 28, 2019, 06:35:48 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 28, 2019, 06:31:58 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 28, 2019, 06:26:09 PM ---I only read a portion of this thread so it is a little inappropriate I am chiming in; but I have an experience to share.
I remember I was dating a guy who lived some distance from me who I met on a bacholorette party. He flew over a couple times to see me and I to him and we were in a casual sense "dating." After about 6 months of this, this guy disappeared on me. No call, no text, no stupid cat-meme, nothing. TWO WHOLE DAMN WEEKS LATER, I get a "Hey I'm sorry I was busy" message. Mind you, I saw social media activity frequently. So he texts me, I confront him and I say to him " You know this means we are starting over." This was a key statement that I communicated which said, what you did was not okay and all the effort you put in the beginning to gain my trust you lost' so you will need to work to gain it all back and I will need to work to forgive you. I believe this is what women miss when re-starting a relationship, you don't start where you left off, you RE-START from the beginning. I think some women are afraid that re-starting from the beginning will be too much work for their partners and they will leave again. But if someone is not "changed" and wants back in your life, they will leave again regardless.

My two-three cents.

--- End quote ---

You said this recently;

Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

And I completely agree with it. The reason why I remember is we were discussing this not so long ago on a "how long is too long" thread. I do believe that you have to put many parts into the equation and look at a situation from all angles.. are they truly sorry, is it a case of things are going quiet with other women and he wants the attention from you now, was the relationship healthy, is this a common occurence etc.

--- End quote ---

Yep yep yep. Totally agree.

--- End quote ---

It's definitely a case of many aspects. If you were in a good/bad place at the time someone did what they did as it can make you less likely to forgive someone if you were in not such a great place, how long you were both seeing each other, how sorrowful the person shows they are, the dynamics of the relationship and it being healthy or not, also how tough people are. Some people take no prisoners and some are more accepting of other's mistakes. Sometimes you can forgive and try to make things work, but it just isn't the same again.

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