Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

How much time it too much time?

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Star_01:

--- Quote from: Yaz88 on August 05, 2019, 06:53:42 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 04:59:32 PM ---
--- Quote from: Yaz88 on August 05, 2019, 04:45:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

In principal, I have to agree with everything you have to say.  However in practice, sometimes we just can’t seem to get over someone, can’t forget them, because we aren’t supposed to just yet.  Before my current POI, there was another POI that I didn’t think I’d ever get over.  Anytime I tried, his name (which is not common) would randomly appear or I’d hear a parent calling to their child who had that name.  Other times, he’d resurface and the toxic wheel would once again start spinning.  It took me 22 months to finally get over him.  Eleven months from the last time I saw him, and 5 months from our last point of contact.  Luckily, back then I had no idea about Keen or any of the other similar platforms.  I would have bankrupted myself.  Instead I’d go to a few local readers (who were all correct in hindsight) or spend hours listening to YouTube Tarot readers.  Here’s the thing.  My first POI served a purpose.  Once I was able to understand that purpose, I was at peace.  I also met my current POI, which helped me realize that there are other people who you can come to care about and be attracted to.  Strangely enough, I recently reached out to my first POI, and he did respond.  I have no desire to rekindle anything with him, but since he was such a huge influence in my spiritual journey and growth, my soul is content knowing that the energy between us has neutralized (it was the type of relationship with mountain peak highs and crying in a heap on the shower floor lows).

So sometimes, it’s not over because it isn’t supposed to be.  I will say that for my second POI, I’m more inclined to move on because the life lessons I learned from POI #1 don’t need to be relearned.  It’s time for balance, an equal give and take.

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I know what you mean. One of my relationships was very toxic, I was being violently abused and verbally, aswell as being used. The ex would message me all sweet and lovely and I'd fall for it. Then it would be could I borrow some money or could you help me with something... Then I helped him and he started arguments or made excuses to go off again blocking me, making me look bad and return again unblocking me in the same cycle. I didn't get readings on him but I knew deep down that he did not care like everyone was saying too, but they were telling me to get rid and only I could do that when I had had enough. And 2 years on, one day I snapped and had had enough and blocked him for good. I felt like I needed to learn lessons and realise for myself.

--- End quote ---

I am so sorry that you had to go through that, Star.  But you made it!  You walked away.  With pain, comes growth, and the ability to have compassion for others.  What some of these POI’s manage to teach us?  Yes, we deserve to be loved.  Yes, we deserve a relationship where we are validated and made a priority.  If you are willing to do all that for someone, they need to be willing to do it for you.

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Thanks so much, it did make me stronger have a little more respect for myself. I do think I had to end things when I was ready, but I still think Silverlight is right and just because a situation isn't over that doesn't mean that it is right or healthy. We may feel in our guts that someone will keep coming back to us, but that doesn't mean that they will be returning because they genuinely care or miss us. It could be a "you'll do" kinda thing. Each situation is unique but many relationships unfortunately are not healthy and there are many lessons and experiences to be learnt.

ladya:

--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 04:09:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.

An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.

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i agree girly. theres men who came back years after and still continue to. some 10 years. i had one confess his love to me drunk 10 years after when we became good friends. time is an illusion. I still think about majority of my exes from time to time and I think for men, they never get over women they truly love and will actually think about her longer than the woman will. I know my ex still thinks about me because I can feel it and we haven't been in touch in years and when we didnt speak he said he thought about me all the time and he came back almost a year later. One thing I've truly learned is you can only run away for so long because the feelings suffocate you so much. sometimes men need that to actually take any action. just because they dont contact you doesnt mean they dont care and i think on some level we know if they do or don't. should you stop your life? No. but 1 month, 2 months, 1 year its all just an illusion. I tend to believe that the longer the person is away, the more the love grows almost like an obsession for the other person because at that point all the bad memories are gone and all you can think about is all the good. At least it has been the case in my life over and over again with men i've been involved with. even men ive just briefly dated.

Cteebaby1:
That’s true and I think that’s what I’m learning with my POI 2.

Girly1998:

--- Quote from: ladya on August 05, 2019, 07:35:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 04:09:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.

An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.

--- End quote ---

i agree girly. theres men who came back years after and still continue to. some 10 years. i had one confess his love to me drunk 10 years after when we became good friends. time is an illusion. I still think about majority of my exes from time to time and I think for men, they never get over women they truly love and will actually think about her longer than the woman will. I know my ex still thinks about me because I can feel it and we haven't been in touch in years and when we didnt speak he said he thought about me all the time and he came back almost a year later. One thing I've truly learned is you can only run away for so long because the feelings suffocate you so much. sometimes men need that to actually take any action. just because they dont contact you doesnt mean they dont care and i think on some level we know if they do or don't. should you stop your life? No. but 1 month, 2 months, 1 year its all just an illusion. I tend to believe that the longer the person is away, the more the love grows almost like an obsession for the other person because at that point all the bad memories are gone and all you can think about is all the good. At least it has been the case in my life over and over again with men i've been involved with. even men ive just briefly dated.

--- End quote ---

Ugh thank you for agreeing lol. I’ve been around so many men (non romantic way) to know they just don’t make sense sometimes. I feel like they deal with breakups at a later time than the female. Like at first they feel the freedom but months later when that wears off they get in their heads. Maybe that’s why they come back after you’ve moved on?

Love never dies, I think if a person truly loved you once then they always will just maybe not in the same way. I really like the quote “I still love the people I’ve loved even if I cross the street to avoid them.”

ladya:

--- Quote from: Candy on August 05, 2019, 06:11:44 PM ---Wow! Thanks for sharing your story and I’m sorry to hear about all that you’ve been through. For those of you who have gotten that sense of “knowing” that someone will play a significant part in your life at first meeting, or love at first sight, or that feeling that you’ve known someone for a long time the first few moments you two meet...what do you make of it?? How can you explain it? And is it usually correct that that person will play a significant role in your life?

I had a situation like that recently — where I met someone completely unexpectedly at a business function — and I could not explain this intense pull, a connection that I have no idea what to make of. Anyhow, he has been on my mind, and it’s complicated due to long distance and professional boundaries that I would prefer not to cross. Anyhow, it’s tough because I have no idea how he truly feels l, but it’s also a connection that I can’t deny. 


--- Quote from: Cteebaby1 on August 05, 2019, 05:49:33 PM ---Omg I was in the same situation with my first love! It took me 5 years from start to finish for our soul contract to be finished. Once I moved on I was gone for good. The first time I saw him before we even met was at the mall where I worked. I had just turned 18 and I worked at Abercrombie kids. I saw him walk by and something told me he was going to have a huge impact on my life. I was too shy to say anything. He was my friend on Facebook and I started to take notice of him more and more. I finally decided to send a message and he replied. We talked for hours and traded numbers. We texted for every single day nonstop. Then we met up. Long story short that first year was okay. It wasn’t spectacular because we were young and dumb. I had deep feelings for him from the get go. He went back and forth between me and someone else for 5 months. He was mostly with me though so I didn’t care. At times he pulled back and that’s when I did the no contact rule and it always worked. The first time was for 5 weeks. He contacted on the fifth week. After awhile we started living together and that’s when it became quite abusive. I was super insecure and would start arguments over any little thing. We would fight and it was bad. He would break my phone and take my money. Then one day we stopped talking to for like 6 months. I was so depressed the whole 6 months as I was still attached! He came back the 6th month and things were going good . Things were so much better we didn’t fight as much & I found my confidence. I was going out more with friends. To be honest I was dating around. I met new men and communicated with them. During that time I met my son’s father POI 2. We weren’t dating though just communicating on a daily basis. Texting only. By early 2017 my first love (POI 1) said he was moving out of the state to North Carolina. I was sad but happy for him and honestly it really didn’t bother me. We spent Valentine’s Day together so that was lovely. By this time my POI 2 and I started seeing each other but I didn’t really care for him during this time it was just casual. So my first love left to another state and I was seeing poi 2 every week maybe once a week. I FORGOT TO ADD THAT I WAS GETTING READINGS DAMN NEAR EVERY WEEK, 3 TIMES A WEEK.

Anywho, I started falling for my poi2. Then I got pregnant by him. Two months later my POI 1 said he was moving back. I told him about the situation and he was hurt but he said he’ll be there for me. He moved back in with me but I didn’t ask him to! I was still seeing my child’s father . Every time I would try to tell him about my POI 2 he’ll shut me down and get mad. Then he would take my phone and call my poi 2 and curse him out. He controlled me my whole pregnancy. Then one day I was otp with my poi 2 he was so angry he hit me so I got in my car and left. He took my bank card and left. Eventually he gave it back. We stopped talking for like a week. Then he showed up at my house starting a fight . That’s when I knew we were done for good. I didn’t talk to him anymore after. However he’s still around because he pops back up every other month even to this day apologizing and trying to make things right. So sometimes it doesn’t matter how long it’s been if the soul contract isn’t over it’ll keep coming back. You’ll know in your heart when it’s done and over. It won’t even take that long to heal. Now I’m in a whole other situation with my POI 2 (son’s father) . Both men played a huge role in my life.

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I have that when I meet every significant person in my life. I just need eye contact and I know they'll be around for a while. You never really know what the outcome will be until youre there but I always have that knowing. I also always know when someones coming back or if they will and ill get dreams or whatever else. I love it but sometimes I wish i didnt have it because Id be a normal person living a normal life not knowing what the ending will be like. Its funny cause for me it's normal but for the other person its usually not and theyre like wth is this.

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