Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

How much time it too much time?

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ladya:

--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 08:00:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 05, 2019, 07:35:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 04:09:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.

An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.

--- End quote ---

i agree girly. theres men who came back years after and still continue to. some 10 years. i had one confess his love to me drunk 10 years after when we became good friends. time is an illusion. I still think about majority of my exes from time to time and I think for men, they never get over women they truly love and will actually think about her longer than the woman will. I know my ex still thinks about me because I can feel it and we haven't been in touch in years and when we didnt speak he said he thought about me all the time and he came back almost a year later. One thing I've truly learned is you can only run away for so long because the feelings suffocate you so much. sometimes men need that to actually take any action. just because they dont contact you doesnt mean they dont care and i think on some level we know if they do or don't. should you stop your life? No. but 1 month, 2 months, 1 year its all just an illusion. I tend to believe that the longer the person is away, the more the love grows almost like an obsession for the other person because at that point all the bad memories are gone and all you can think about is all the good. At least it has been the case in my life over and over again with men i've been involved with. even men ive just briefly dated.

--- End quote ---

Ugh thank you for agreeing lol. I’ve been around so many men (non romantic way) to know they just don’t make sense sometimes. I feel like they deal with breakups at a later time than the female. Like at first they feel the freedom but months later when that wears off they get in their heads. Maybe that’s why they come back after you’ve moved on?

Love never dies, I think if a person truly loved you once then they always will just maybe not in the same way. I really like the quote “I still love the people I’ve loved even if I cross the street to avoid them.”

--- End quote ---

Ye im friends with mostly men so I know their minds very well by now. Hahah thats a funny quote and I agree. Once I love them, I love them for life but thats few and far between lol. I don't love many people. Ive only truly loved 2 men in my life and one was an ex and one is current and if my ex called me 20 years later needing help I would be there in a heart beat cause I know he'd do the same.

Star_01:

--- Quote from: ladya on August 05, 2019, 07:35:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 04:09:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.

An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.

--- End quote ---

i agree girly. theres men who came back years after and still continue to. some 10 years. i had one confess his love to me drunk 10 years after when we became good friends. time is an illusion. I still think about majority of my exes from time to time and I think for men, they never get over women they truly love and will actually think about her longer than the woman will. I know my ex still thinks about me because I can feel it and we haven't been in touch in years and when we didnt speak he said he thought about me all the time and he came back almost a year later. One thing I've truly learned is you can only run away for so long because the feelings suffocate you so much. sometimes men need that to actually take any action. just because they dont contact you doesnt mean they dont care and i think on some level we know if they do or don't. should you stop your life? No. but 1 month, 2 months, 1 year its all just an illusion. I tend to believe that the longer the person is away, the more the love grows almost like an obsession for the other person because at that point all the bad memories are gone and all you can think about is all the good. At least it has been the case in my life over and over again with men i've been involved with. even men ive just briefly dated.

--- End quote ---

That's true, but that's with some men. Most men do come back at least in my experience and friends I know for not genuine purposes. Maybe I seem to meet the abusive men who don't care as none of them have ever shown any true feelings and all used me and been very abusive. I haven't had one normal healthy relationship where a guy came back and said yeah I still love you all this time onwards and I wish things worked out. The most I got was a FWB situation where we were both rebounding each other because of heartache and we had a huge row and he blocked and ignored me. A month later I got a text apologising and he said it was getting too serious for him and he couldn't handle it but best of luck etc. Every so often he pops up to see how I am, but I know it's mainly he wants sexual things again as it's flirting and innuendos and I am way past that. You seem to be the lucky lady who has all these men swooning at you and this isn't meant sarcy or rude btw.

I think some behaviours can be passed off as caring and missing someone. I used to believe that men cared about me because they got jealous, but I now know that just because a man is controlling and jealous about other men around you that doesn't mean he wants or cares for you.

I'm not very good with my words and maybe I didn't write this out well but some women have better luck with exes loving them years onwards and other women have men abuse them and not give them a second look or care.

I know a situation with a woman who was in a very very toxic situation with a guy and when she tries to leave he does his he is going to kill himself he loves her he waits outside her house for her when she goes to work in the mornings and tries grabbing her and giving her flowers. And then she forgives him 1000x and he abuses her, cheats, hits her talks down to her uses her and has substance abuses. To some people they actually fell for that he loved her deep down because of what happens when she walks away, but if you were in the situation you could see it wasn't true love.

Girly1998:

--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 08:17:10 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 05, 2019, 07:35:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 04:09:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.

An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.

--- End quote ---

i agree girly. theres men who came back years after and still continue to. some 10 years. i had one confess his love to me drunk 10 years after when we became good friends. time is an illusion. I still think about majority of my exes from time to time and I think for men, they never get over women they truly love and will actually think about her longer than the woman will. I know my ex still thinks about me because I can feel it and we haven't been in touch in years and when we didnt speak he said he thought about me all the time and he came back almost a year later. One thing I've truly learned is you can only run away for so long because the feelings suffocate you so much. sometimes men need that to actually take any action. just because they dont contact you doesnt mean they dont care and i think on some level we know if they do or don't. should you stop your life? No. but 1 month, 2 months, 1 year its all just an illusion. I tend to believe that the longer the person is away, the more the love grows almost like an obsession for the other person because at that point all the bad memories are gone and all you can think about is all the good. At least it has been the case in my life over and over again with men i've been involved with. even men ive just briefly dated.

--- End quote ---

That's true, but that's with some men. Most men do come back at least in my experience and friends I know for not genuine purposes. Maybe I seem to meet the abusive men who don't care as none of them have ever shown any true feelings and all used me and been very abusive. I haven't had one normal healthy relationship where a guy came back and said yeah I still love you all this time onwards and I wish things worked out. The most I got was a FWB situation where we were both rebounding each other because of heartache and we had a huge row and he blocked and ignored me. A month later I got a text apologising and he said it was getting too serious for him and he couldn't handle it but best of luck etc. Every so often he pops up to see how I am, but I know it's mainly he wants sexual things again as it's flirting and innuendos and I am way past that. You seem to be the lucky lady who has all these men swooning at you and this isn't meant sarcy or rude btw.

I think some behaviours can be passed off as caring and missing someone. I used to believe that men cared about me because they got jealous, but I now know that just because a man is controlling and jealous about other men around you that doesn't mean he wants or cares for you.

I'm not very good with my words and maybe I didn't write this out well but some women have better luck with exes loving them years onwards and other women have men abuse them and not give them a second look or care.

I know a situation with a woman who was in a very very toxic situation with a guy and when she tries to leave he does his he is going to kill himself he loves her he waits outside her house for her when she goes to work in the mornings and tries grabbing her and giving her flowers. And then she forgives him 1000x and he abuses her, cheats, hits her talks down to her uses her and has substance abuses. To some people they actually fell for that he loved her deep down because of what happens when she walks away, but if you were in the situation you could see it wasn't true love.

--- End quote ---

Absolutely, some men are just disgusting. I think no matter how much you want them you should definite make them jump through some hoops before letting them come back in if they’re the ones who left in the first place.

Star_01:

--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 08:33:58 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 08:17:10 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 05, 2019, 07:35:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 04:09:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.

An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.

--- End quote ---

i agree girly. theres men who came back years after and still continue to. some 10 years. i had one confess his love to me drunk 10 years after when we became good friends. time is an illusion. I still think about majority of my exes from time to time and I think for men, they never get over women they truly love and will actually think about her longer than the woman will. I know my ex still thinks about me because I can feel it and we haven't been in touch in years and when we didnt speak he said he thought about me all the time and he came back almost a year later. One thing I've truly learned is you can only run away for so long because the feelings suffocate you so much. sometimes men need that to actually take any action. just because they dont contact you doesnt mean they dont care and i think on some level we know if they do or don't. should you stop your life? No. but 1 month, 2 months, 1 year its all just an illusion. I tend to believe that the longer the person is away, the more the love grows almost like an obsession for the other person because at that point all the bad memories are gone and all you can think about is all the good. At least it has been the case in my life over and over again with men i've been involved with. even men ive just briefly dated.

--- End quote ---

That's true, but that's with some men. Most men do come back at least in my experience and friends I know for not genuine purposes. Maybe I seem to meet the abusive men who don't care as none of them have ever shown any true feelings and all used me and been very abusive. I haven't had one normal healthy relationship where a guy came back and said yeah I still love you all this time onwards and I wish things worked out. The most I got was a FWB situation where we were both rebounding each other because of heartache and we had a huge row and he blocked and ignored me. A month later I got a text apologising and he said it was getting too serious for him and he couldn't handle it but best of luck etc. Every so often he pops up to see how I am, but I know it's mainly he wants sexual things again as it's flirting and innuendos and I am way past that. You seem to be the lucky lady who has all these men swooning at you and this isn't meant sarcy or rude btw.

I think some behaviours can be passed off as caring and missing someone. I used to believe that men cared about me because they got jealous, but I now know that just because a man is controlling and jealous about other men around you that doesn't mean he wants or cares for you.

I'm not very good with my words and maybe I didn't write this out well but some women have better luck with exes loving them years onwards and other women have men abuse them and not give them a second look or care.

I know a situation with a woman who was in a very very toxic situation with a guy and when she tries to leave he does his he is going to kill himself he loves her he waits outside her house for her when she goes to work in the mornings and tries grabbing her and giving her flowers. And then she forgives him 1000x and he abuses her, cheats, hits her talks down to her uses her and has substance abuses. To some people they actually fell for that he loved her deep down because of what happens when she walks away, but if you were in the situation you could see it wasn't true love.

--- End quote ---

Absolutely, some men are just disgusting. I think no matter how much you want them you should definite make them jump through some hoops before letting them come back in if they’re the ones who left in the first place.

--- End quote ---

Exactly! I guess what I'm trying to say is I do believe that men are strange souls and can sometimes come back later and generally miss you, but that's a rarity. I think lots of men like the one I described above have feelings when it suits them or like a child with his mother wanting things off of their mother being all friendly and sweet and getting what they want and then disappearing and hiding upstairs gaming for the rest of the day kind of thing. Lots of people may have the experience for an ex to come back but only the person can judge if their situation is unhealthy or not. And women tend to care more with their heart and let men in with open arms necessarily when they maybe don't deserve to be let in so quick, even at all. Any man can come in later and profess his feelings and be masters at making up good excuses. But again, it's up to the woman to judge with her instincts if she can accept and if she deems it reasonable. I've seen women wait for exes on these forums, the guy returned and the woman was like "meh".

Girly1998:

--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 08:41:46 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 08:33:58 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 08:17:10 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on August 05, 2019, 07:35:30 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 04:09:47 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.

I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.

--- End quote ---

Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.

An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.

--- End quote ---

i agree girly. theres men who came back years after and still continue to. some 10 years. i had one confess his love to me drunk 10 years after when we became good friends. time is an illusion. I still think about majority of my exes from time to time and I think for men, they never get over women they truly love and will actually think about her longer than the woman will. I know my ex still thinks about me because I can feel it and we haven't been in touch in years and when we didnt speak he said he thought about me all the time and he came back almost a year later. One thing I've truly learned is you can only run away for so long because the feelings suffocate you so much. sometimes men need that to actually take any action. just because they dont contact you doesnt mean they dont care and i think on some level we know if they do or don't. should you stop your life? No. but 1 month, 2 months, 1 year its all just an illusion. I tend to believe that the longer the person is away, the more the love grows almost like an obsession for the other person because at that point all the bad memories are gone and all you can think about is all the good. At least it has been the case in my life over and over again with men i've been involved with. even men ive just briefly dated.

--- End quote ---

That's true, but that's with some men. Most men do come back at least in my experience and friends I know for not genuine purposes. Maybe I seem to meet the abusive men who don't care as none of them have ever shown any true feelings and all used me and been very abusive. I haven't had one normal healthy relationship where a guy came back and said yeah I still love you all this time onwards and I wish things worked out. The most I got was a FWB situation where we were both rebounding each other because of heartache and we had a huge row and he blocked and ignored me. A month later I got a text apologising and he said it was getting too serious for him and he couldn't handle it but best of luck etc. Every so often he pops up to see how I am, but I know it's mainly he wants sexual things again as it's flirting and innuendos and I am way past that. You seem to be the lucky lady who has all these men swooning at you and this isn't meant sarcy or rude btw.

I think some behaviours can be passed off as caring and missing someone. I used to believe that men cared about me because they got jealous, but I now know that just because a man is controlling and jealous about other men around you that doesn't mean he wants or cares for you.

I'm not very good with my words and maybe I didn't write this out well but some women have better luck with exes loving them years onwards and other women have men abuse them and not give them a second look or care.

I know a situation with a woman who was in a very very toxic situation with a guy and when she tries to leave he does his he is going to kill himself he loves her he waits outside her house for her when she goes to work in the mornings and tries grabbing her and giving her flowers. And then she forgives him 1000x and he abuses her, cheats, hits her talks down to her uses her and has substance abuses. To some people they actually fell for that he loved her deep down because of what happens when she walks away, but if you were in the situation you could see it wasn't true love.

--- End quote ---

Absolutely, some men are just disgusting. I think no matter how much you want them you should definite make them jump through some hoops before letting them come back in if they’re the ones who left in the first place.

--- End quote ---

Exactly! I guess what I'm trying to say is I do believe that men are strange souls and can sometimes come back later and generally miss you, but that's a rarity. I think lots of men like the one I described above have feelings when it suits them or like a child with his mother wanting things off of their mother being all friendly and sweet and getting what they want and then disappearing and hiding upstairs gaming for the rest of the day kind of thing. Lots of people may have the experience for an ex to come back but only the person can judge if their situation is unhealthy or not. And women tend to care more with their heart and let men in with open arms necessarily when they maybe don't deserve to be let in so quick, even at all. Any man can come in later and profess his feelings and be masters at making up good excuses. But again, it's up to the woman to judge with her instincts if she can accept and if she deems it reasonable. I've seen women wait for exes on these forums, the guy returned and the woman was like "meh".

--- End quote ---

The “meh” lol yes. That’s how I felt when my first guy came back after 6 months. Which surprised me because I was still checking his social media and that whole thing. Should’ve followed that feeling as well because nothing changed at all. But it did make me realize I didn’t want a 3rd try with him :)

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