Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
<Huge Trigger Warning> Is it okay to ...
doubleoh8:
--- Quote from: josh34 on June 26, 2019, 04:36:27 PM ---Thank you so much for all the heartfelt replies. I'm actually sick right now, and was really anxious and nervous to read the replies, but I feel you are all probably right. I don't want to regret it. If it's an open casket, I can't go. But do you think it would be closure enough for me to see them lay the casket into the ground?
I don't know, I feel even seeing a closed casket there, knowing what's in there, would give me way too much anxiety to bear, and would cause me so much emotional distress so I am a little at a loss ): I'm sorry I'm worrying about this, when it's not even happening right now, and I am sorry if this was too close to home for anybody. I just love them so much and this is really important to me. Thank you so much for the support.
--- End quote ---
Hi there. I am going to echo the thoughts of the others who responded. In my opinion the anxiety of getting through the day would be preferable to -potentially- years of regret for not going. It's a closure and even though difficult, could be healing.
That said, a caveat: I had the unfortunate experience of seeing my father in an open casket. We had specifically asked for closed but the funeral home messed up and it was open. I did not like seeing my dad and the visual did stick with me for some time... so I totally get where you are coming from. In fact I won't get into details but it was a bit of a shock and I wish I could take back parts of the experience. SO -- my suggestion is that you talk to someone at the funeral home first, find out how the day will go and how you can be there and participate without having to see what you don't want to. There is probably a way.
Also, keep in mind that you may be in a different place (emotionally and psychologically) then. I think you said it's not happening now, right?
Jeninmd2:
--- Quote from: josh34 on June 26, 2019, 04:36:27 PM ---Thank you so much for all the heartfelt replies. I'm actually sick right now, and was really anxious and nervous to read the replies, but I feel you are all probably right. I don't want to regret it. If it's an open casket, I can't go. But do you think it would be closure enough for me to see them lay the casket into the ground?
I don't know, I feel even seeing a closed casket there, knowing what's in there, would give me way too much anxiety to bear, and would cause me so much emotional distress so I am a little at a loss ): I'm sorry I'm worrying about this, when it's not even happening right now, and I am sorry if this was too close to home for anybody. I just love them so much and this is really important to me. Thank you so much for the support.
--- End quote ---
Hi Josh - I don’t know you or your personal history so I hope I am not suggesting something inappropriate here, but please also remember you may be able to temporarily take an anti-anxiety medication for the day of the funeral (when that time comes) in order to help you make it theough the day. One of my closest friends lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly a few years ago when they were both in their late 30’s/early 40’s - she was of course completely beside herself and I know she was prescribed and used a hefty dose of Xanax on the days of the funeral and the memorial service - which she did make it through. I’m not advocating medication as a first-line defense of course, but I thought it might help for you to keep in mind that when that day comes you may have some additional options for temporary help...
Beesa:
Yeah, the open casket thing I could do without. I can empathize. I suppose some need it for a final goodbye but I consider it a bit ghoulish personally. Others find it comforting. You can do what makes you feel comfortable, Josh, no one will hold it against you. You thinking about this is acceptance of something painfully inevitable, but you don't need to make any solid decisions because there's a good chance you might change your mind when the time comes. People react in all kinds of ways to grief, cut yourself some slack and credit yourself with facing something that's very, very hard :'(
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