Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Readers say to wait for POI to make contact but should I?
Snow-white8:
--- Quote from: aquagirl on March 04, 2019, 05:44:51 PM ---Agreed we are so different! Scientifically speaking, it boils down to using different parts of our brains. Like men have to scan each shelf in a fridge, while a woman just needs to look and sees everything. A man and woman can be going for a drive and she says "oh what a lovely house" and she just means that. He hears this is the house i want to live and thinks he'll never be able to provide it for her and well, date number four never happens. Just small examples. I also have come to realize that men actually have much much deeper feelings than we realize and they ever let us on to believe. But because they were raised to believe that men don't show emotions etc... they don't express them like we do.
Still Tired: you hit the nail on the head, men are biologically programmed to "hunt" the woman, when we take on that "male" role it ruin things. I've asked men if they like women chasing them, and they are like yeah i love it, it's refreshing. Then i asked how many of those women that chased you did you end up in relationships with? and the light bulb went off in their heads, they didn't even make that connection. The long term relationships were the ones that they chased themselves. Women chasing them is great for their egos and making them lazy.
I'm not sure about timing, and what is meant to be, and life lessons anymore. My beliefs have been challenged recently with new manifestation ideals, ways of looking at why things don't happen even when we are positive and how we are always creating. These new ideas really make sense to me, but i am now on the fence as to how the rest fits into things.
Ladya: I agreee, don't put your life on hold for them. Us women are so guilty of this, we do it at time and not even realize it. That's the keep though, when you keep living your life and doing you, that energy releases, they feel it, that's when they come back. That desire to want them in our lives is strangling the energy. This is almost always what happens when one gives up and moves on, and thats why. At least that is my belief and observation.
They really do need space to work things out, they come back when they are ready. They approach things very differently than we do. And the biggest mistake is making a comparison of what you'd do or feel to how you think they should. I think we are all guilty of this at one point or another. I feel that the sooner we realize and accept that they think and actions things differently, the happier we all will be.
no1daystar: thank you! And in the mean time, you do you, and that you understand that is huge. Takes a lot of pressure off of the energy and allows things to flow more smoothly, getting you to the finish line much quicker.
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I personally don't like to pursue and have heard strong arguments to let them come to you and chase you, and I understand it from learning about energy dynamics too. However, there are always exceptions to the "rule" and you should trust your intuition, not fear. I know of a handful of couples who got married, most meeting online with the woman making the first move, and I've spoken to these men and they're all happily married and wouldn't be if the woman didn't make the first move. I definitely wouldn't encourage always being the giver, the pursuer, but I think theres times where being the first one to do something can go a long way. I also work with a handful of men who say their wives did the pursuing. Haha. Not my thing but one of my friends is also planning her wedding to a man she met on Bumble. Just thought I'd share :) I'm not encouraging one over the other bc every dynamic is different. I would rather have the man pursue me, I think it encourages them to be passive and take you for granted if you do most of it. One time though? Could be positive, or might not... Trust yourself! At least the decision comes from what you wanted.
Penelope:
@aquagirl, thank you. My POI is definitely not ready for anything big...but he won’t give me anything at all so we can start small. My readings (confirmed by POI) say that feelings are mutual. But as Keisha puts it, “mutual romantic thoughts/interest, but without there being any action these are just thoughts and desires lingering”. At this point, I am not sure if being in limbo is worst than walking away. He knows the ball is in his court but he refuses to pick it up. It would almost be better if he picked up the ball and leave the court but he refuses to do that as well. So I walked away. But I can’t go far because I do see him on a daily basis and that sucks!
Flyingsoul:
You should trust your instinct instead, there is no right or wrong who make the move first, also depends on the situation you are in. For example, my POI is very reserved in feelings and also very ego, he hardly made the move first, always me. But in some rare occasions, i was quite resist, he would approach first at the end because the worried build in them would get stronger. If you already know the character of your POI, you will know what to do :) Good luck!
cake101:
--- Quote from: Penelope on March 03, 2019, 12:46:02 AM --- Intuition and gut feelings aside, has anyone initiated contact with POI in spite of psychic advice not to and to wait for them to initiate contact? How did it work out for you?
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With my situation I went a 5 month quiet period with my poi. Everyone I talked to said wait for him to come to you let him contact first, he will be the first to contact and how important it was to come from him. I ended up not being able to wait anymore with the passing contact timeframes and everyone just pushing it back so I reached out to him. I haven't gathered exactly why he never reached out to me or if he ever would have if I had continued to wait. But me contacting him was positive and from what I understand so far he never reached out to me because he thought I wanted nothing to do with him. I think it's a way for you to keep coming back and not getting the whole truth and figuring out they were full of BS. Actually QoC's was the one who told me to contact him, just to send him how was everything going and that he would be happy to hear from me.
KotaSwan:
--- Quote from: Penelope on March 03, 2019, 12:46:02 AM --- Intuition and gut feelings aside, has anyone initiated contact with POI in spite of psychic advice not to and to wait for them to initiate contact? How did it work out for you?
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reach out if you feel like you want to. I don't care what psychics have said to me in the past....I rather have my peace of mind by doing that and have my answers rather than just waiting around.
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