Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Met with POI and left confused

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cake101:
All I can say from my experience with my poi is that guys are weird, and that love sucks and makes no sense lol. I'm going through a similar state of confusion with my poi also. We are hanging out again, it's great, we have tons of fun, it's like we never took a 9 month break. But he's a free man still and hearing him talk about dating other women kills me inside and I hate the uncertainty of if he's hanging around other women. I've talked to him about us and when we talk about what happened things seem really promising just from the things he tells me regarding what happened between us. But he's adamant we are just friends and hanging out. It really sucks and it's tough. But for him he is going through some things right now and has told me he doesn't want the distraction of a relationship right now.
For me to hold on to what could be a hopeless situation that will hurt me in the end. I am hanging on because I really love the guy for who he is and I really value his happiness. Wish it could be with me lol but I want him to be happy. So I know I want to be in his life. Communication was our problem so I'm trying to be more open in letting him know my feelings and intentions. But at the same time taking a chill pill and just enjoying the time we are having in the moment. I agree with not asking too many questions about what is it because that does push them away. For my situation also, as addicted to readings as I am lol, I never really listened to the psychics advice. They told me ohhh he'll reach out don't contact him blah blah blah. Eventually after 5 months I couldn't take it and caved and contacted him. And so far my own intuition has been serving me much better. I use the psychics to get more of an idea of what's going on in his head in this moment, mainly to just keep my overthinking tendencies under control.
The only advice I can give is follow your heart, but also your gut. I couldn't actually move on from the way things ended and that's why I had my pull to make contact and hold on to it. If you truly love him and being with him is something you want all you can do is give it time. Enjoy the moments for what they are and keep in touch. All you can do is throw your cards down and spell it out to him what you would like to see happen but also keeping chill and indifferent at the same time. Be his friend, show him the fun you use to have and what he's missing out on. As that connection you guys once had builds again things will get better. You can't build that overnight. But also don't let yourself get too deep, take time for yourself and enjoy yourself to. I think one thought that's helped me is to remember you can't make them love you, and you can't make them want to be with you. I believe if it's really meant to be it will work out you just have to trust the process. And if it doesn't well you just hope that women he winds up with at the end of the day will love him as much as you do.
Sincerely a person who is 99% sure I'm going to wind up a lonely cat lady for the rest of my life if I don't end up with my guy lol.

Mine is different though in the sense that he broke up with me and at least I can see him whenever. Yours living out of town makes it much harder for sure. It's going to take time and conversations. There might be reasons why behind this and only time will make him open up more. Also for me if I text my guy touchy feely questions he ignores me to. I save them for when i'm talking to him on the phone or in person, he's pretty good about discussing it with me then. But everyone is different and hard to say when you  don't know the guy. If mine told me that and texted me that the next morning I'd think he was joking with the joke being hoping I was preggers so he could drop it all to be there for me.

star1:
It really seems to me that your POI is playing mind games with you in my opinion, but perhaps not intentionally. See by laying next to you, sleeping with you and meeting with you then saying "people can love each other and not be together" is going to mess with your head. It seems clearly he loves you, but he seems to be putting other things in his life infront of you when he could be putting you first, more. I completely agree that it'd be good for you to move on, it's not fair for you to wait around whilst he makes his mind up or plays mind games with you whilst he decides what he wants to do. He's had ample opportunity to decide and say he wants you back, but like the above poster said you need to be firm with him and say, "look let's cut to the chase, what are you wanting with me?". It is unfair to keep you hanging whilst he decides what he wants. You said he's done this since March, I think if he really wanted to make things happen he would have taken those steps in these 9 months to make that clear. You can't wait around for the hopes he will come back when he's ready in his time. I really would move on, date around or not but keep busy and no more readings on him if possible.. The thing is, he does love you so I think if he really wanted to, even if he is busy with his career that never stopped him before? I really think you're dealing with a guy who isn't sure of what he wants. We don't know if he has met up with other women since or if there's another woman around him that he might not be telling you about, he could be confused. I know Yona mentioned you another woman that likes him more than he likes her back. I'm not mentioning another woman to worry you, but who knows what is going on because he seems very confused and perhaps even not wanting any commitment with anybody..

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you. I know we don't contact each other anymore, but I hope you have a nice Christmas.

josh34:

--- Quote from: bstalling on December 25, 2018, 12:00:40 AM ---Put your cards on the table and see what happens.

--- End quote ---

This made me chuckle. Because psychic forum.

OP, just as they said, its clear they love you, but if you dont mind me saying, communication is important. Instead of getting angry with him because you can't understand where he's coming from, let him know that you're confused about what he's saying and its affecting you negatively, or something, then see what you both can do to communicate better and come to common ground. I don't think its fair for you to be angry with him over that, but at the same time, communication could be better from both sides from what im reading. If you are feeling a certain way, and he really loves you, then instead of getting angry, let him know how you're feeling, and let him know why you're upset with what he said as opposed to what you had. Communication is key.


Merry Christmas!

sawthelight:
I couldn’t be friends with someone I have intense feelings for. I did try with first poi when it was obvious he wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. But in the end it was too painful for me to have him in my life. I had to move on because having him in my life was causing me too much pain.

I kept hanging on to what the psychics told me, that eventually he would come around, but he never did.

I would cave and contact him when I knew I should’ve stayed away, but I finally got it through my thick head to stop lol. Took a long time though. It’s funny because last time he contacted me, I remember a strong inner voice telling me not to respond. And I didn’t, so I’m proud of myself for that at least. I’m sure he would have been happy to keep me in his life on his terms, but that wasn’t working for me.

Kat23:

--- Quote from: star1 on December 25, 2018, 09:47:31 AM ---

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you.

--- End quote ---

Well said..

 this man has 8 years to make up his mind about you and make an honest woman  out of you...is he confused? Maybe and maybe not... he can love you but he is not in love with you..decide what's in your best interest...to stay and wait till he is "ready" or move on and live your life..

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