Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Met with POI and left confused
star1:
--- Quote from: jhuskindle on December 28, 2018, 02:37:20 AM ---
--- Quote from: Deedee123 on December 28, 2018, 01:01:48 AM ---Got a text from him a few hours ago... it said
“I’m not ignoring you” ... 4 days from my text. How annoying. I’m not even responding. Kinda laughed at it actually.
--- End quote ---
Narcissism? Wtf is with that.... you told him not to talk, he didn’t ignore you, you told him not to talk unless he is ready. How dare he try to take that power from you. Ridiculous asshole.
--- End quote ---
Yeah I see what Kindle means. You texted him the other day and said to answer to your question or don't answer and then he replies a little late and you're mad at him. You literally said the other day that he's too busy for a relationship because of his work but get angry when he takes 4 days to reply. Who knows what's going on with him, he might also be that busy he hasn't been on his phone at all. Who knows. Like I said, he can't give you what you want clearly right now, if you're going to get mad cause he can't send you a text within a few days (which if he isn't that busy I can see why you'd feel frustrated cause it takes a few seconds to respond unless he's generally really busy with work) and he's going to string you along and keep giving you false hope, it's not going to work out. It doesn't matter that you were together for 8 years, it doesn't mean to say that the relationship isn't unhealthy or not toxic, or his behaviour to you is okay - only you know that. Have you tried considering moving on at all ? You do deserve better and I'd keep a lookout for this man that's meant to come in that Yona and Leanne saw. It's just without seeming unkind, you're both kinda behaving similar in ways. He's giving you mixed signals and then you're one moment saying you love him and need answers and when he replies, you ignore and are mad at him so he's going to close off more - to which you'll close off more the more he behaves the way he's doing. You're like, both bouncing off of each other.
jhuskindle:
The point is that by saying he is not ignoring her he’s taking her power from her ignoring the previous message and making it seem he is in control. This is a narcissistic technique. I forget the term. It’s a way to remove power. They also wait till you cooled down etc. watch some videos on narcissism you’ll see what I mean. It’s not the text 4 days laterthat’s the problem it’s the content,
Deedee123:
--- Quote from: jhuskindle on December 29, 2018, 01:55:46 AM ---The point is that by saying he is not ignoring her he’s taking her power from her ignoring the previous message and making it seem he is in control. This is a narcissistic technique. I forget the term. It’s a way to remove power. They also wait till you cooled down etc. watch some videos on narcissism you’ll see what I mean. It’s not the text 4 days laterthat’s the problem it’s the content,
--- End quote ---
Yep, exactly. I ended up having a conversation with him and it was just awful. He asked me to come hook up and I said is that all you want from me? He said “kinda”. I said fuck that, don’t text me unless you want a relationship or something other than that because I’m not being used and not being hurt. He texted an hour later said “ok” . So yeah. Annoyed, pissed and obviously hurt. He leaves to go back to work in 2 days so whatever.
Deedee123:
I blocked him from my Snapchat (weren’t friends but he’d occasionally call me and message me there for some reason) blocked him from Instagram (doesn’t follow me but watches my story daily) and decided to keep on keeping on because I’m tired of fucking feeling this way.
now that I think about it, when I had a top off with Yona she said “set back before the end of the year” so maybe this is it. She also said “you’re making decisions because you’re pissed off waiting but it’s not the right time for that, you’re a few weeks away from that”
so I guess this kinda falls in line with that. the next thing she says I ignore him because I want things to be fair and progressive... I mean this all really fits into that I think.
But I feel like I’m at that point where what the fuckever... I don’t want to think about it and continue to get hurt. He says he’s in love with me but actions speak louder than words and I can’t take it anymore.
going along with Yona, she said the after a period of ignoring him, he’s here again face to face and he wants to reconnect and be together. I don’t even know how the fuck that will happen at this point because I’m utterly pissed off at the events that occurred since he came home. Who says the things he says to someone?
“I’m so in love with you, if I get you pregnant, I’ll drop everything for you and be there for you no matter what, you know that right?” Like why is this such a mind fuck? It hurts so bad guys... I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. I’m afraid nothing will change and I’ll feel like I’ve wasted months on someone who, although loves me, doesn’t give a fuck how I feel. I even said to him last night “why do you want to hurt me like this?” He said “I didn’t hurt you” I said “you’re doing it right now and you’ve done it since you’ve left” he says “ohhhhh” like what the fuck. Ugh.
star1:
--- Quote from: Deedee123 on December 29, 2018, 02:05:50 AM ---
--- Quote from: jhuskindle on December 29, 2018, 01:55:46 AM ---The point is that by saying he is not ignoring her he’s taking her power from her ignoring the previous message and making it seem he is in control. This is a narcissistic technique. I forget the term. It’s a way to remove power. They also wait till you cooled down etc. watch some videos on narcissism you’ll see what I mean. It’s not the text 4 days laterthat’s the problem it’s the content,
--- End quote ---
Yep, exactly. I ended up having a conversation with him and it was just awful. He asked me to come hook up and I said is that all you want from me? He said “kinda”. I said fuck that, don’t text me unless you want a relationship or something other than that because I’m not being used and not being hurt. He texted an hour later said “ok” . So yeah. Annoyed, pissed and obviously hurt. He leaves to go back to work in 2 days so whatever.
--- End quote ---
Then why are you still having readings and waiting on him when you're this frustrated and know he's so bad for you when you know he isn't treating you right? He's showing you no respect, he's sleeping with you when it's in his terms, he's replying to your texts in his terms, he could be doing anything that you don't know about and I do feel so sorry for you because my ex was like you. He threw out a fishing line for me thinking "oohh he really cares about me because he did this and that", and in reality he was using me. Yeah your ex probably does have feelings for you, yes there are potential narcissistic behaviours going on, going off of what you've posted on here alone.
Just because Yona said something, it doesn't mean it's certain, it could or couldn't happen, or could happen with another guy years down the line. She told me that my ex and I are meant to have contact, I'd get my tower imminently and we would arrange meeting up and slowly get back into a relationship, we'd exchange flirty texts - none of it has happened. This is what I'm trying to say.. It's important to let your readings go because they might or might not happen, just because Yona said it, it isn't certain to happen. Just because you were both together 8 or so years, doesn't make his behaviour to you is right.. You deserve to be treated special and honestly if a man loves you he would do moves to show that he wants you in his life. Like someone said before, he might love you but not be in love with you.. Seems to me like he's messing you about he's sticking a foot in the door to open it then moving his foot out of the way and closing the door again. Narcissistic behaviour includes hoovering where they disappear for a while and then come back and say all the sweet things to make you feel loved and great, they get what they want and back off again. Honestly DeeDee123, you're best off trying to keep busy from this guy in 2019. He just is treating you unfairly and men can be busy with work but will make any time with someone.
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