Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Super Frustrated and Should Know Better

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Miss Philosopher:
@Star1: I completely agree. Only those who have much to hide would consider you doing a check on them as "insane". Lol

journalmuse:

--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on November 28, 2018, 06:56:53 PM ---I've learned that you can actually tell a lot about a man by his work ethics, rental history, and even credit score. This may sound ridiculous to many but here's why.

I don't focus too much on the credit score but if it's like 4 something, and that man is 35 years of age or older, that's a red flag. That shows irresponsibility and it's highly probable that man hops from place to place to live and also job to job which brings me to my next point. If you meet a man that has a huge employment history list and notice that he only holds jobs down for a few months, or even changes jobs yearly, he's probably also the same with relationships. Unstable and constantly changing his moods, and his behaviors.

If you meet a man that moves a lot either from apartment to apartment, or other people's houses, etc......it's highly probable that man also doesn't hold down a job, and also won't hold down a relationship. 

Certain behaviors and patterns bleed into ALL areas of life. I will use myself as an example. I've been on my job for 5 years. Prior to that I worked on that job for 3 years and I only changed jobs once I knew I had a new one. I responsibly made the switch and it was because I was miserable at the previous job. I've also worked since I was 15 years old and haven't siphoned off of any strangers or had any men take care of me. I'm loyal to my jobs the same as I am loyal in my relationships and friendships even. I've lived in the same apartment for 14 years. So you can see, I create stability and am able to be stable and loyal in relationships.

Men who hop around with job and home, will also relationship hop. There are men that will stay in the relationship for stability but, not hold down a steady job and will most likely cheat or break up with you often and then get back together so he can do his thing and it technically isn't "cheating".

These are all things I've learned through trial and error and a massive reflection and observation. Maybe I'm wrong. It's just stuff I noticed.

To add a bit to this, these type of unstable men are VERY VERY attracted to the stable females because we give them what they do not give to themselves. The problem is, they trample all over us because they get comfortable and feel safe and then they think they just be an absolute ass, do whatever, and us stable and consistent folks will just be there waiting, not realizing that we too have our limits.

--- End quote ---

To the extent these kinds of things are repeated patterns rather than one-offs, you're probably right. People do these things -- for the most part -- because of basic personality traits that are reflected in many areas of their lives.

There may be some exceptions of course ... sometimes when you start off with a bad break, it can be hard to recover and it spirals from there. Other jobs may lend themselves to transiency, like if you're a waitress, even at a high-end restaurant, you may move around more often than someone else would. But otherwise, yeah I agree.

star1:

--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on November 28, 2018, 07:02:00 PM ---@Star1: I completely agree. Only those who have much to hide would consider you doing a check on them as "insane". Lol

--- End quote ---

Yeah and your comment about looking at someone's track record of jobs and relationships is true. A guy who can't keep a job down shows he is quite unstable and not sensible. A mature guy is a man who works and is sensible, isn't constantly in and out of jobs and can be stable and sustainable.

Miss Philosopher:
@journalemuse: Yeah. That's what I mean. It has to be an actual pattern. I do understand that life happens and people lose jobs, places to live, etc. and may even have just one long difficult period. I'm just talking about those men that seem to never get their stuff straight past a certain age.

I have a few examples to share and after much reflection it's how I came to my conclusion.

1 of my exes that was with for 6 years back in my 20's was living with a much much older woman and told me she was his mother's friend. I had no reason to believe otherwise. I didn't know even a quarter of stuff back then that I know now. Nevertheless, he didn't work, he sold drugs. I then began to experience that he was the type that looked for women to use for money and materials. He got clothes, cars, jewelry, just all kinds of things. He never worked at all. He hopped from place to place to stay as well.

A male friend that I used to have, totally platonic, that I'm still friends with and have known for 9 years now, hops from job to job, place to place, and has tons of relationships that don't last. It isn't because he's a player though. It's because he's simply too lazy to put the proper efforts into anything.

Another of my exes did work his ass off. BUT, he also hopped from job to job because he demanded more money for his experience. He also hopped from home to home and even state to state for work. He is married, however, he cheats on his wife.

My current ex is 36 years old. He was married for 10 years with 2 kids. He didn't hold down a job for long the entire time he was married. He also cheated on his wife several times. She also cheated on him but she worked her ass off and still does. As long as I've know him, since 2011, and have been involved with him on the relationship area for the last 5 years, he's been very inconsistent, didn't hold down jobs for long at all, and cheated (not sexually) but always needed constant attention and his "affairs" never last more than a month or two. He's very codependent and very lazy. His credit score is 483. He now hops from room to room in another state, and will hop from job to job. His mother financially supports him and has been for the past 7 months so she's enabling his laziness. He will never have stability without a woman of some sort.

So you see, these aren't cases of life just happening, rather behavioral patterns that bleed into all areas of their lives and they do nothing to change it, most likely because they haven't taken the time to see their own patterns.

Miss Philosopher:
@Stilltired: I have lacked common sense for the majority of my life apparently. Lol. These are realizations and conclusions I've come to since dealing with this current situation. So I guess it wasn't all for not. Good lessons for me. Lol.

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