Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Super Frustrated and Should Know Better

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Miss Philosopher:
@Stilltired: I actually feel the same way. I've never been married. The thought of being married makes me feel trapped and suffocated. I won't say I'm a commitment phobe because I'm totally committed to whatever relationship I'm in. I think I just feel like I need an easy exit route just in case for whatever reason it doesn't work out. Maybe that's why I keep attracting men that have commitment problems. Like attracts like. I'm not a cheater, but yeah, I have an issue with the marriage thing, not so much the relationship thing though.

I don't want a man to take care of me because that gives him control over me and my life. I want to keep control of my own life. I want an actual equal partner where I'm not taking care of him and he's not taking care of me but we take care of each other in whatever ways and we work as a team. Maybe I'm unrealistic. I don't know.

PrettyLittleLiz:

--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on November 28, 2018, 06:56:53 PM ---I've learned that you can actually tell a lot about a man by his work ethics, rental history, and even credit score. This may sound ridiculous to many but here's why.

I don't focus too much on the credit score but if it's like 4 something, and that man is 35 years of age or older, that's a red flag. That shows irresponsibility and it's highly probable that man hops from place to place to live and also job to job which brings me to my next point. If you meet a man that has a huge employment history list and notice that he only holds jobs down for a few months, or even changes jobs yearly, he's probably also the same with relationships. Unstable, inconsistent, and constantly changing his moods, and his behaviors.

If you meet a man that moves a lot either from apartment to apartment, or other people's houses, etc......it's highly probable that man also doesn't hold down a job, and also won't hold down a relationship. 

Certain behaviors and patterns bleed into ALL areas of life. I will use myself as an example. I've been on my job for 5 years. Prior to that I worked on that job for 3 years and I only changed jobs once I knew I had a new one. I responsibly made the switch and it was because I was miserable at the previous job. I've also worked since I was 15 years old and haven't siphoned off of any strangers or had any men take care of me. I'm loyal to my jobs the same as I am loyal in my relationships and friendships even. I've lived in the same apartment for 14 years. So you can see, I create stability and am able to be stable and loyal in relationships.

Men who hop around with job and home, will also relationship hop. There are men that will stay in the relationship for stability but, not hold down a steady job and will most likely cheat or break up with you often and then get back together so he can do his thing and it technically isn't "cheating".

These are all things I've learned through trial and error and a massive reflection and observation. Maybe I'm wrong. It's just stuff I noticed.

To add a bit to this, these type of unstable men are VERY VERY attracted to the stable females because we give them what they do not give to themselves. The problem is, they trample all over us because they get comfortable and feel safe and then they think they just be an absolute ass, do whatever, and us stable and consistent folks will just be there waiting, not realizing that we too have our limits.

--- End quote ---

This is genius and I agree with this 100%.

sawthelight:
just curious, why do you think some can get psychic readings and take them with a grain of salt, etc..and others seem to get so addicted to them?

I'm sure there are people out there (probably not too many of us on this board lol) that have gotten a psychic reading or two and when they realized it was all BS, just stopped getting them and moved on with life...and yet some of us call for years still hanging on to hope?  I guess it depends on what type of personality you have..

star1:

--- Quote from: sawthelight on November 28, 2018, 08:45:06 PM ---just curious, why do you think some can get psychic readings and take them with a grain of salt, etc..and others seem to get so addicted to them?

I'm sure there are people out there (probably not too many of us on this board lol) that have gotten a psychic reading or two and when they realized it was all BS, just stopped getting them and moved on with life...and yet some of us call for years still hanging on to hope?  I guess it depends on what type of personality you have..

--- End quote ---

Everyone's different. Some people are addicted, some have a "hey ho" mentality. Some ladies are in a weaker place, some women on here are tough cookies. Some ladies are willing to wait 5, 10, 20+ years, some women give themselves a time limit like 6 months/year max.

Miss Philosopher:
I agree with Star1 again.

My pattern is this: When a thing first begins happening, in a bad way, I'm like in a state of shock. I get a reading and I live by it. I continue to do this, especially when they see changes for the better, even if it is only temporary. Somehow, I then "get used to" said behavioral patterns, when really, I should have cut that shit off immediately, but for whatever, reason, I don't. I continue in this pattern of readings, believing, hoping, not because I'm weak, but because I'm hopeful and mostly an optimist. But then, a point comes, to where, I get tired of the cycles, patterns, etc. and then I begin taking the readings with a grain of salt and I set a timeline for myself to when I'm going to just be done and then I reach the end of said timeline and don't see any changes and then ......I just don't have readings anymore or they are only like once every few years for shits and giggles............until the next shitty situation occurs LOL. Rinse and repeat.

I do also think it has to do with personality type. For some personalities, yeah they have a zero tolerance thing going on and first time you screw up, you're done lol. (My son is like that). Others, here are more sensitive and understanding and compassionate and those traits tend to be the very traits that keep them holding on for longer but not like 5 10 years. They will usually get tired and set timelines and that's it. Then you have those that most likely suffer from self esteem issues and those are usually the ones you will find holding on for decades. They call it love, and maybe it is, but there's more to it then that. They never get to a point where they feel or KNOW they deserve something better.

That's just my take on it.

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