Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Super Frustrated and Should Know Better

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icloud9:
OMG EXACTLY MY POINT!
I get so frustrated every time I read with a new reader and feel more anxiety than before the reading !

That's why I really don't!!!
That's so crazy tho- how she got it accurate the first time but the second time was all wrong. I've seen this to be quite of a pattern amongst KEEN advisors also. I wonder what causes that.

Sorry for your experience and thanks for sharing!! We really gotta stick to the ones that work for us. Lol And get the reading sporadically, not so often. That's what I've learned.

Miss Philosopher:
Lol. Yeah next one I even think of getting with is going to have a job that he's been on for years, his own place that he's been in for years, his own vehicle. He can't be fresh out of a divorce or any relationship and he has to have been single for at least a year. He has to be my age or a bit older, as I will never be with another younger man. Although there was only a 5 year age gap, sometimes that can have a huge impact. Men seems to mature a lot slower than women emotionally so yeah, my age or older. I have like this laundry list now and a complete questionnaire. I may also end up doing background checks. I know that sounds insane but that's how damaged I now am. I have some serious trust problems.

sawthelight:

--- Quote from: Still tired on November 28, 2018, 06:36:37 PM ---
--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on November 28, 2018, 06:33:49 PM ---Lol. Yeah next one I even think of getting with is going to have a job that he's been on for years, his own place that he's been in for years, his own vehicle. He can't be fresh out of a divorce or any relationship and he has to have been single for at least a year. He has to be my age or a bit older, as I will never be with another younger man. Although there was only a 5 year age gap, sometimes that can have a huge impact. Men seems to mature a lot slower than women emotionally so yeah, my age or older. I have like this laundry list now and a complete questionnaire. I may also end up doing background checks. I know that sounds insane but that's how damaged I now am. I have some serious trust problems.

--- End quote ---

No that doesn't sound insane. Nowadays I think it's a good idea to run a check on someone.

--- End quote ---

I agree.  I am the type that gets way too emotionally attached, and fast, so before I invest any time or emotions into someone, from this point on, I want to make sure they are worth my time/energy.

Miss Philosopher:
I've learned that you can actually tell a lot about a man by his work ethics, rental history, and even credit score. This may sound ridiculous to many but here's why.

I don't focus too much on the credit score but if it's like 4 something, and that man is 35 years of age or older, that's a red flag. That shows irresponsibility and it's highly probable that man hops from place to place to live and also job to job which brings me to my next point. If you meet a man that has a huge employment history list and notice that he only holds jobs down for a few months, or even changes jobs yearly, he's probably also the same with relationships. Unstable, inconsistent, and constantly changing his moods, and his behaviors.

If you meet a man that moves a lot either from apartment to apartment, or other people's houses, etc......it's highly probable that man also doesn't hold down a job, and also won't hold down a relationship. 

Certain behaviors and patterns bleed into ALL areas of life. I will use myself as an example. I've been on my job for 5 years. Prior to that I worked on that job for 3 years and I only changed jobs once I knew I had a new one. I responsibly made the switch and it was because I was miserable at the previous job. I've also worked since I was 15 years old and haven't siphoned off of any strangers or had any men take care of me. I'm loyal to my jobs the same as I am loyal in my relationships and friendships even. I've lived in the same apartment for 14 years. So you can see, I create stability and am able to be stable and loyal in relationships.

Men who hop around with job and home, will also relationship hop. There are men that will stay in the relationship for stability but, not hold down a steady job and will most likely cheat or break up with you often and then get back together so he can do his thing and it technically isn't "cheating".

These are all things I've learned through trial and error and a massive reflection and observation. Maybe I'm wrong. It's just stuff I noticed.

To add a bit to this, these type of unstable men are VERY VERY attracted to the stable females because we give them what they do not give to themselves. The problem is, they trample all over us because they get comfortable and feel safe and then they think they just be an absolute ass, do whatever, and us stable and consistent folks will just be there waiting, not realizing that we too have our limits.

star1:
There is nothing wrong with searching someone on Google and doing background checks on them. It is better to be safe than sorry, and I watched a series last year called "My Online Nightmare". People are hard to trust nowadays, lots of men living double lives and if someone wanted to check me online to see if I were genuine, I'd have no qualms about it. Only someone who has something to hide gets defensive of you doing background research of them.

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