Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Super Frustrated and Should Know Better

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star1:

--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on November 28, 2018, 04:10:43 AM ---I'm sorry you had to go through that stilltired. I'll be 41 end of January. I'm very very tired. I just want peace even if it means single for the rest of my life. I'm totally fine with that as long as I don't have that drain anymore. One day, coming very very soon, I will be at the point where you are. I'm 90% there. I'm just really tired, like I said, on a soul level.

@Star1: Yes it's a terrible roller coaster emotionally. Even when you get a mixed negative/positive reading...........more time goes by with nothing happening and then you get another reading..............and then the moment something does happen you then go and get another reading to see what's coming up. I think, as you've said before and many others as well, looking at the behavior of POI in the here and now and reviewing the patterns of said POI from the start to now.......is what we have to go by and make our decisions on that. I don't know. I know that I call because in some twisted way, it helps me get by until I reach the point where I'm done on my own. Maybe that makes me weak but that's what I do. Maybe someday I will find another way. I will start looking.
'

--- End quote ---

It just becomes a never ending cycle of constant readings, it becomes unhealthy and repetitive and I do think that we have to use logic sometimes and the way that the ex is behaving with us, now. Like, it's hard to believe they care when they're not in contact for so long or are in on and off contact.

sawthelight:
This happened to me so many times with readings, where I will get this fantastic, on point (or so I thought at the time) reading, and then try again a few weeks later, even with the same reader, and get conflicting info.  I remember feeling so defeated....and sad when that happened, because you basically have to dismiss both readings at that point.

What a waste of time, emotions and money this whole process is!

 

sawthelight:

--- Quote from: Still tired on November 28, 2018, 03:57:44 AM ---
--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on November 28, 2018, 02:52:14 AM ---@stilltired: I completely agree. I wish I would have listened to it 5 years ago. But, because of psychic readings, I didn't. I was talking to other readers besides my go to's at that time. 5 years ago it told me to steer clear and I felt like I knew how he was but I ignored it, made excuses and told myself that it wasn't fair to judge without experiencing first.

7 months ago, my gut said it was the last time I'd see said person again either forever, or for a very long time to come. Not sure if that was just my gut knowing that I'd had enough way back then, or something else. Either way, I felt it so strongly. It's hard for me to get outside of my emotions though and really "hear" my gut. This has always been a problem for me.

--- End quote ---

Same here...my gut told me all along but I didn't trust it. And I was calling about the same guy for about 5-6 years. I called about other things too and it's not like it was all about him. But I mean, it went on way too long. I listened to what readers said instead of trusting my own instincts, and their advice was all over the place. It was like I was on some horrible roller coaster that flipped me upside down constantly and I lost all sense of where the ground was.

I learned to trust myself a lot more though. It's like finally there was nothing left anymore except this deep, unshakable knowing that this would never work out. I'm not saying that has to be the outcome everyone comes to, but what I mean is eventually all the things readers told you just fall away. And you're left with the essential truth of the situation, whatever that may be.

I used to be really hard on myself, after I listened to some nonsense from a reader or had a binge or otherwise did something I felt stupid about. A lot of us have been there. I regret all of it, but it brought me to where I am now. I am also 40. And all if what happened with readings and my ex is starting to feel like another lifetime ago. I feel like life has other things in store for me now.

--- End quote ---

OMG yes, this is so damn true and I can so relate!

Miss Philosopher:
@sawthelight: Yeah it's really frustrating and then it leads to more readings because now you're trying to get clarity. The stupid thing is, we never get like "real" clarity". It's just a bunch of different people's words thrown into the mix. Who does one believe? The normal go to's or the new one? Lol. I'll stick with my go to's but really, I just need to not have anymore readings about this situation. Stilltired is right...........the readings fall away and something happens within you and you realize certain things. Like, I am now also realizing that "this" is just never going to work out. Mine isn't a case of "Oh he'll go explore and see what the world has to offer and then suddenly realize it's me he wants to be with". This guy is 36 years old. He has the same patterns with me that he did in his 10 year marriage, only different is that I don't have his kids. This guy is addicted to the newness of a situation and that's where it ends and this is a reality I didn't want to face.

I read a meme yesterday on FB that said "A woman's loyalty is tested when a man has nothing. A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything". In my experience, this has been nothing but the truth. I'm the kind of person that hasn't cared if the guy had his life completely together or was in between job and had no material to offer etc. I looked at the heart and mind. That, however, I've come to learn, is a huge mistake for me. This guy has clung on to me for dear life since I was the only one around when no one else was, even his own family members, for the last 5 years. Suddenly, his family steps up and supports him, he gets where he wants, and then I get the cold shoulder and discarded. Granted, the guy keeps in contact once per week but it isn't because he just values me as a person or something. It's because things are still not 100% where he's located and very unstable. He really has opened my eyes this time around. I'm glad he has behaved the way he has for the past 7 months. Now there is NO doubt about what it's really been all about and it just confirmed what I always  felt but wanted to ignore. Gotta trust your gut. I'm also tired of going broke trying to figure him out via psychics. I still feel so angry with myself doing these stupid things.

sawthelight:

--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on November 28, 2018, 03:57:45 PM ---@sawthelight: Yeah it's really frustrating and then it leads to more readings because now you're trying to get clarity. The stupid thing is, we never get like "real" clarity". It's just a bunch of different people's words thrown into the mix. Who does one believe? The normal go to's or the new one? Lol. I'll stick with my go to's but really, I just need to not have anymore readings about this situation. Stilltired is right...........the readings fall away and something happens within you and you realize certain things. Like, I am now also realizing that "this" is just never going to work out. Mine isn't a case of "Oh he'll go explore and see what the world has to offer and then suddenly realize it's me he wants to be with". This guy is 36 years old. He has the same patterns with me that he did in his 10 year marriage, only different is that I don't have his kids. This guy is addicted to the newness of a situation and that's where it ends and this is a reality I didn't want to face.

I read a meme yesterday on FB that said "A woman's loyalty is tested when a man has nothing. A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything". In my experience, this has been nothing but the truth. I'm the kind of person that hasn't cared if the guy had his life completely together or was in between job and had no material to offer etc. I looked at the heart and mind. That, however, I've come to learn, is a huge mistake for me. This guy has clung on to me for dear life since I was the only one around when no one else was, even his own family members, for the last 5 years. Suddenly, his family steps up and supports him, he gets where he wants, and then I get the cold shoulder and discarded. Granted, the guy keeps in contact once per week but it isn't because he just values me as a person or something. It's because things are still not 100% where he's located and very unstable. He really has opened my eyes this time around. I'm glad he has behaved the way he has for the past 7 months. Now there is NO doubt about what it's really been all about and it just confirmed what I always  felt but wanted to ignore. Gotta trust your gut. I'm also tired of going broke trying to figure him out via psychics. I still feel so angry with myself doing these stupid things.

--- End quote ---

@Miss Philosopher...I so understand...first POI was like this.  I held on for over three years..and we never were even in a relationship, just a weird attachment to one another.  Looking back, all the warning signs were there, but I chose to ignore and kept getting readings that were promising me was going to turn into this whole new person and we were going to be so happy together.  I feel really dumb when I look back too, and the hardest part is coming to terms that I was living in a fantasy world for a lot of that time.  While I had moments of feeling reality hit, I overall kept thinking it would amount to something.  The most depressing part of the whole journey was when I just realized one day, what the heck am I doing?  Would a guy who really sees a future treat me like this?

I do think a lot of his issues were all him, and I have to remind myself not to take it personally, it could have been anyone who was involved with him that would have gotten treated the same way..it's just who he is.

When I was still in contact with him, I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that this was going to crash down on my and be a hard lesson for me, but I kept putting off the pain...months later, I'm still dealing with it..sometimes I really think about the whole experience and I almost start to cry.

The good thing is (like stilltired said) you do learn to trust yourself more, which is  a good thing.  The recent guy I was talking to (that also flopped lol) started exhibiting signs that he was also unstable, so I cut him loose right away.  I thought to myself, I'm not going thru this again! 

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