Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
Breaking a habit for a 3rd time...
Chelle9054:
--- Quote from: 11jlady on November 07, 2018, 07:02:37 AM ---I'm an addict. I admit it. Although, I'm not as terrible as I was before. I was calling them like every other day. It satisfied me for like that day and maybe the next day because I have trust problems as it is. I have a hard time with the whole "faith and belief" thing. I need some proof. The problem is, even when something happens that was said to happen, it still, for some reason, isn't enough. It's like I feel like I have to call everyday to check on the "energy of the day" since it's always changing naturally.
What really is, is the grieving process of loss in my opinion. First comes of the shock of the break up or the cheating. There's no telling how long that phase lasts. That's the beginning of the psychic readings right there, for me anyway. Then comes the denial after the shock wears off and then excuses made for bad behavior on their part. The psychics sort of help those excuses along because in a spiritual prospective, it's mostly just us having to "understand" them. Then comes the absolute crushing pain as reality starts to set in. The calls then become more frequent as time goes on because we want the pain to stop. Then comes the anger phase and we feel fed up and finished. Then back to the pain again. Then finally, the acceptance phase and we then let go and that's when the readings end. Sometimes it takes us years to reach the point of being able to let go. I think, in some cases, some people never do let go because they can't for whatever reason.
It's really hard. It's a huge task to push away the "what if" "what could be" "what could have been" thoughts because, typically, the person we are really dealing with isn't the person we have built up in our minds. We hold onto the things that were present in the very beginning of the relationship. We could be involved with someone for 10 years, and 9 and a half of those years were terrible and abusive filled with lies and deception, stress and worry etc. but we'll just sit there holding onto that first 6 months wondering why it changed and where that person went. Until we realize...........that person we saw in the beginning, that wasn't really who they were. That was the mask they wore. We always fear they're gonna treat the next one so much better and that something was wrong with us. I'm here to tell you, that's highly unlikely. Humans have patterns and most people don't change theirs. Anyway, enough rambling from me.
--- End quote ---
I think this is a beautiful, real and heartfelt post. It is exactly what I needed to see this morning. Especially the building them up in our heads piece and then the realization that they are not that. It has to be ego, though. For me at least. Needing to admit I misjudged, for so long, and the childish hope. Again, thank you for this.
Just FYI:
--- Quote from: 11jlady on November 07, 2018, 07:02:37 AM ---I'm an addict. I admit it. Although, I'm not as terrible as I was before. I was calling them like every other day. It satisfied me for like that day and maybe the next day because I have trust problems as it is. I have a hard time with the whole "faith and belief" thing. I need some proof. The problem is, even when something happens that was said to happen, it still, for some reason, isn't enough. It's like I feel like I have to call everyday to check on the "energy of the day" since it's always changing naturally.
What really is, is the grieving process of loss in my opinion. First comes of the shock of the break up or the cheating. There's no telling how long that phase lasts. That's the beginning of the psychic readings right there, for me anyway. Then comes the denial after the shock wears off and then excuses made for bad behavior on their part. The psychics sort of help those excuses along because in a spiritual prospective, it's mostly just us having to "understand" them. Then comes the absolute crushing pain as reality starts to set in. The calls then become more frequent as time goes on because we want the pain to stop. Then comes the anger phase and we feel fed up and finished. Then back to the pain again. Then finally, the acceptance phase and we then let go and that's when the readings end. Sometimes it takes us years to reach the point of being able to let go. I think, in some cases, some people never do let go because they can't for whatever reason.
It's really hard. It's a huge task to push away the "what if" "what could be" "what could have been" thoughts because, typically, the person we are really dealing with isn't the person we have built up in our minds. We hold onto the things that were present in the very beginning of the relationship. We could be involved with someone for 10 years, and 9 and a half of those years were terrible and abusive filled with lies and deception, stress and worry etc. but we'll just sit there holding onto that first 6 months wondering why it changed and where that person went. Until we realize...........that person we saw in the beginning, that wasn't really who they were. That was the mask they wore. We always fear they're gonna treat the next one so much better and that something was wrong with us. I'm here to tell you, that's highly unlikely. Humans have patterns and most people don't change theirs. Anyway, enough rambling from me.
--- End quote ---
I relate to all that you've written here. I have a hard time "letting go" and "letting things take their course." I will call a psychic and then immediately need to call another one to essentially hear the same thing the first one told me.
The "what if" and "what could have been" is so difficult to reconcile as well. I hear you in what you write. It's so hard to let go when you feel that someone has connected with you, even if months and years go by where that connection gets really tested through terrible behavior towards you.
I hope you're not hard on yourself. Admitting addiction is a big step towards making a change. Even though we are strangers to each other on the Internet, from what I see in your post, I know that you can do it.
sawthelight:
--- Quote from: 11jlady on November 07, 2018, 03:57:11 PM ---@JustFYI: I appreciate your words. I've had to do this letting go thing so many times. It gets a little easier each time though. I think we have all had to do the letting go
thing many times in our lives with different things. It's really difficult cause we want the idea in our heads to be reality. Problem is, we can't change people.
I think then, we have to ask ourselves, do we or did we really love that person or did we just love the IDEA of that person. The IDEA of who they could be or would be?
Perhaps we loved certain aspects of that person? But, not the WHOLE person? I don't know. Still unsure.
--- End quote ---
so true. I had this whole other person built up in my head and what he turned out to be was quite the opposite. I think he was his own worst enemy.
njlady:
--- Quote from: 11jlady on November 07, 2018, 03:57:11 PM ---@JustFYI: I appreciate your words. I've had to do this letting go thing so many times. It gets a little easier each time though. I think we have all had to do the letting go
thing many times in our lives with different things. It's really difficult cause we want the idea in our heads to be reality. Problem is, we can't change people.
I think then, we have to ask ourselves, do we or did we really love that person or did we just love the IDEA of that person. The IDEA of who they could be or would be?
Perhaps we loved certain aspects of that person? But, not the WHOLE person? I don't know. Still unsure.
--- End quote ---
Russell Brand has one of the best videos on this I have ever seen. Play it 100 times a day if you have to.
https://www.facebook.com/RussellBrand/videos/how-to-survive-a-breakup/316661629163391/
Just FYI:
--- Quote from: njlady on November 07, 2018, 06:14:02 PM ---
--- Quote from: 11jlady on November 07, 2018, 03:57:11 PM ---@JustFYI: I appreciate your words. I've had to do this letting go thing so many times. It gets a little easier each time though. I think we have all had to do the letting go
thing many times in our lives with different things. It's really difficult cause we want the idea in our heads to be reality. Problem is, we can't change people.
I think then, we have to ask ourselves, do we or did we really love that person or did we just love the IDEA of that person. The IDEA of who they could be or would be?
Perhaps we loved certain aspects of that person? But, not the WHOLE person? I don't know. Still unsure.
--- End quote ---
Russell Brand has one of the best videos on this I have ever seen. Play it 100 times a day if you have to.
https://www.facebook.com/RussellBrand/videos/how-to-survive-a-breakup/316661629163391/
--- End quote ---
Yes. This!
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