Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Breaking a habit for a 3rd time...

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Just FYI:
I am not sure where to start... I found this forum over the summer, as I was trying to break my psychic addiction and realize now that I've fallen into a psychic habit for the third time in my life.

The first time I got hooked on psychics was about 12 years ago, when you could still get psychic readings on eBay. I chose eBay readings because I was afraid of what a psychic call center like Keen would do to my bank account. I think I knew at the time that I have addictive tendencies and I wouldn't be able to stop calling. So eBay seemed like a good way to just "pay as I go", but in looking back at it, I spent way more than I feel comfortable admitting. What got me into psychic readings then? I think the same as most people on this forum - heartbreak. I'd broken up with someone who I felt a deep connection to, and initially bought a love spell from an eBay seller. It didn't work. I bought a lot of spells. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, even to myself. I have an advanced degree in engineering, so I am beyond embarrassed to EVEN THINK of telling anyone who knows me in real life that I thought someone could cast a magic spell to bring this guy back to me.

Then I moved on to psychic readings, because one of the sellers said she could "look into" why the spell she casted wasn't working. That was the start of the downward spiral. I would ask every reader on eBay, "when is Andy coming back to me?" "why did Andy leave me?" rather than focus on moving on. When I look back at this time in my life, I want to slap myself for not focusing on how I could move forward and release this guy. Then I started dating again but because I thought Andy was going to pop back into my life, I wasn't 100% in with any guy I was seeing, which was really unfair to them. Finally, I met my now husband, and because he was so ardent and real, I was finally able to let go of asking psychics about my love life.

After a year or so of chilling out and enjoying the security of my new relationship, I moved for a big ticket job. I was in a new city, alone, and really insecure in this job. While the job was a big deal, it was only a 2 year contract position. I started freaking out about what would be my "next step" and what my partner was going to do, whether we would make things work out to live in the same city. I started with the eBay readings again. It's interesting, there are so many names that pop up in this forum who I've read with 5, 10, and 12 years ago. Some of them have changed their names slightly, but I know it's them - it's really something that they've stayed in the game for so long.

So I got hooked in again, and at this time Yahoo messenger was my gateway into chat psychic readings. I was buying chat readings off of eBay and really liked how I could have an actual conversation with a psychic. Looking back on it, the psychics filled a void for me. I've always had a lot of friends, but no confidants, if that makes sense. With the psychics, I could just ask "what do you think will happen?" and I wouldn't have to ruminate on things for myself. I could just ask for answers and seek assurances. I cut back on psychic readings when my partner moved to this city for a job and we found a place together - I was too ashamed to admit that I was doing psychic chat and didn't want to be "caught". It also helped that eBay stopped allowing psychic listings.

I got sucked into psychic readings a THIRD time starting about 5 years ago. I was miserable at my then-job, and because I couldn't get psychic readings on eBay anymore I needed another way to get the reassurance I wanted. I found a forum online (not this one, actually can't remember which one it was) and there were glowing reviews of Emmy Moon (I think she's changed her Keen name to Emmy Muniz) and her rate was just the right price that I could get a $15-$20 reading to ask the same questions over and over again - when will I find a new job, when will things change... and then I got down into the rabbit hole, as my partner started going through a really tough time. He's now been diagnosed with PTSD and manic depression, but in the years leading up to those diagnoses things were difficult and I sought out relationship readings in addition to career readings. At one point I was spending $700 a month! I can provide reviews of the readers who've hit some thing right, and those who were totally off, but I'm not sure that this information will provide any value to folks here.

I started reading reviews here to "scratch the itch" of wanting to get psychic readings this summer, when I had the realization that I just keep asking the same things over and over again and need to recognize that life cannot be neatly lived. I love my partner very much, and while things can be difficult there's no psychic who was able to tell me "it's because he has a mental health issue" -- they all told me, "it's in his past" which is true... PTSD is due to past trauma, but no one was able to put a fine point on it like the mental health professionals that are helping him at the moment. I also have started my own business, and while many psychics tell me there will be "a lot of success" I also have to focus on actual work and not wasting time on getting readings!

So here I am... I've deactivated my Keen account to try to keep myself from getting readings. For a while I would tell myself, "oh, I'll just to go so-and-so's Keen profile and read the reviews but I won't call" and that is just the slippery slope. Now that I don't have an active account, it's not so easy to just hit "arrange a call" to just ask the same questions over and over again. I am right now debating whether I will get another "general outlook" reading from Kisha (I got my first one in July, and re-read it frequently) but am so scared that it'll be the start of addiction all over again. It's like being an alcoholic and knowing that you can't be in a bar, around alcohol, because you will end up passed out in a gutter by the end of the night... I have so much shame around this addiction, yet at the same time I've been told enough "truths" by some of the psychics I've spoken to over the years I can't help but hope in my dark moments someone can tell me how things will play out and give me certainty when it seems there's none to be had.

Thank you for reading, this turned out to be a much longer post than I expected it to be.

Chelle9054:
Thank you for sharing. We have all been/are there and helping each other heal. And yes, slippery slope so try not to purchase that reading. You made so much sense in your post. Reading others stories helps to know you are not alone and there is no need to feel ashamed. Plus chatting here and sharing a healing thought can quell the urge to call one.
Keep up your belief in yourself! I’m rooting for you!

njlady:

--- Quote from: Just FYI on November 05, 2018, 03:37:27 PM ---I've always had a lot of friends, but no confidants, if that makes sense.


--- End quote ---

I can really relate to that statement.  My family is 95% an embarrassment and it's not like I can confide in an addict or hang out with them, and I certainly can't divulge the Jerry Springer details to people I associate with  .... so psychics are the only other people I can be honest with about certain things and discuss certain subjects with.  I'm not ashamed to tell Judi anything at all.

Just FYI:
Thank you for your kind words, both of you. I really appreciate it.

@njlady, I totally relate to the honesty you can have with psychics and I hope that you get what you need from your phone calls.

For a while I likened psychic calling to therapy of a sorts, but for me it's not a very healthy therapy because it doesn't require me to do any introspection and think about what's really happening.

I've gotten some explanations for my anxiety, which include several psychics telling me I'm an empath and absorb other people's energy. While I may be sensitive, and perhaps thin-skinned, which I don't think is the same as being an empath. I'm really working on this, to try to think through why I feel the way I do rather than call a psychic to figure out what is "really" happening.

sawthelight:
Part of my issue with my first POI was that the situation was so dysfunctional, I felt I couldn't discuss it with any of my real life friends, which led me to call psychics to seek guidance..I'm not saying there wasn't a legitimate connection between me and him, but was it healthy?  no...and I think deep down, I knew my real life friends (even the one I did tell who would get upset when I would even bring him up) would have thought I was insane for even putting up with him.  I put up with it way longer than I should have which made it so much harder to get over.

I admit I was lonely and looking for something with someone I knew couldn't provide it.  The amount of excuses I made for him was disgusting.  He showed me who he really was several times and I overlooked it, and would only think of the positive moments and the chemistry between us.

I try to look at it like a learning experience, but it's hard to not get down on myself because of it.

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