Author Topic: Staying friends with someone you love  (Read 347 times)

Offline sawthelight

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Staying friends with someone you love
« on: May 17, 2018, 12:44:53 AM »
Do you guys think this is possible?

This guy I’m getting readings on, I know he cares...I know he likes me. I don’t, however see him making any comments that make me think he wants to persue a relationship...at least not directly.

So I’ve basically resigned myself that nothing will happen with him, despite all the readings telling me otherwise.

I don’t know if being friends is doable. I guess I can try but what do you guys think?

One time when I cut him off he got really upset, and he didn’t do anything (yet lol) to deserve that.

Offline Hillcam

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2018, 01:39:17 AM »
I’m in the same situation with my most recent POI. heard from him today and he said he’s unable to give me what I need from him but he still cares for me and wants me to be a part of his kid’s lives.

I don’t think it’s possible to be friends with someone you love. Maybe once you’ve stopped caring as much and wanting the relationship it’s possible, but for me, if I want to be with you and love you I can’t be your friend. It’s too hard to differentiate for me

Offline alphabetsoup

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2018, 02:30:43 AM »
You can be friends with someone you love, as long as they are not triggering you. If you are yearning for a relationship with POI and it's costing you, then you need to walk away.  Ask yourself, are you trying to get love from this person? If you are, then you can't be friends.  You have to be 100% alright with giving love and friendship and not expect anything in return.

Offline scarlora

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2018, 02:42:17 AM »
I'm nearly positive i would be over my ex if we didn't share kids.  I never had an issue getting over someone before, mostly because I could avoid them.  Then I became friends eith many of them a few months later when feelings were gone.

Offline sawthelight

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2018, 02:38:46 PM »
I’m in the same situation with my most recent POI. heard from him today and he said he’s unable to give me what I need from him but he still cares for me and wants me to be a part of his kid’s lives.

I don’t think it’s possible to be friends with someone you love. Maybe once you’ve stopped caring as much and wanting the relationship it’s possible, but for me, if I want to be with you and love you I can’t be your friend. It’s too hard to differentiate for me

Yea, I am kind of in the same boat :(

It's hard to imagine him not in my life, but painful to have him in it too.  I don't know how to distance myself without cutting him off completely.  It's hard situation. 

Offline Hillcam

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2018, 04:19:11 PM »
I’m in the same situation with my most recent POI. heard from him today and he said he’s unable to give me what I need from him but he still cares for me and wants me to be a part of his kid’s lives.

I don’t think it’s possible to be friends with someone you love. Maybe once you’ve stopped caring as much and wanting the relationship it’s possible, but for me, if I want to be with you and love you I can’t be your friend. It’s too hard to differentiate for me

Yea, I am kind of in the same boat :(

It's hard to imagine him not in my life, but painful to have him in it too.  I don't know how to distance myself without cutting him off completely.  It's hard situation.

My advice is to give it a shot. If you can’t imagine him being your life, there’s no harm in making an effort to be his friend. If after a couple of weeks if you’re finding it hard to set your feelings aside then reevaluate the situation. Good luck!

Offline maroonlight

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2018, 10:59:11 PM »
If you love him and you stay friends with him, I honestly think you are likely setting yourself up for heartbreak. It’s ultimately your decision and sure it could work out, but I’m most cases that I know of it makes it a lot harder to get over them emotionally and if they don’t want to date you and you stay friends with them, the day may come when they begin dating someone else.

So yeah, it’s not something I recommend when one person want more than the other one. If your already hooked on them, you’ll stay hooked on them because they are still vividly in your life.

Offline sawthelight

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2018, 01:06:58 AM »
If you love him and you stay friends with him, I honestly think you are likely setting yourself up for heartbreak. It’s ultimately your decision and sure it could work out, but I’m most cases that I know of it makes it a lot harder to get over them emotionally and if they don’t want to date you and you stay friends with them, the day may come when they begin dating someone else.

So yeah, it’s not something I recommend when one person want more than the other one. If your already hooked on them, you’ll stay hooked on them because they are still vividly in your life.

Sigh. You’re right

Offline Hillcam

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2018, 02:56:15 AM »
If you love him and you stay friends with him, I honestly think you are likely setting yourself up for heartbreak. It’s ultimately your decision and sure it could work out, but I’m most cases that I know of it makes it a lot harder to get over them emotionally and if they don’t want to date you and you stay friends with them, the day may come when they begin dating someone else.

So yeah, it’s not something I recommend when one person want more than the other one. If your already hooked on them, you’ll stay hooked on them because they are still vividly in your life.

Very true. :(

Offline Still tired

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2018, 03:24:12 AM »
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

Offline maroonlight

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2018, 12:17:01 PM »
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

Offline Still tired

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2018, 03:53:09 PM »
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

There is always sexual tension whether people think they are attracted or not. The only way it can work is when couples are friends with other couples and no one involved has any intention of leaving their partner. But even then you are playing with fire. If one or both are single then they will always be wondering if the other is interested or flirting or starting to have feelings for them. Unless you both state openly that there is no attraction and what kind of friendship is it anyway when you have to say that to each other?

Offline sawthelight

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2018, 04:03:04 PM »
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

Yea, that's the big problem...we are so ridiculously attracted to each other, but I just feel it's not going to lead into any kind of relationship.  I guess in time we can see, but for now, I think my feelings are too strong to really be his friend.

The only good thing (kinda) is that I won't be seeing him as much anymore (we work in close proximity to each other and my company is moving elsewhere), so that might help distance me from this whole thing.  I hope, anyway.

Offline maroonlight

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2018, 11:21:07 PM »
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

Yea, that's the big problem...we are so ridiculously attracted to each other, but I just feel it's not going to lead into any kind of relationship.  I guess in time we can see, but for now, I think my feelings are too strong to really be his friend.

The only good thing (kinda) is that I won't be seeing him as much anymore (we work in close proximity to each other and my company is moving elsewhere), so that might help distance me from this whole thing.  I hope, anyway.

If you haven't already talked to him about it, I think you should just calmly bring it up. If he doesn't give you the answer that you want, you can then distance yourself from him and move forward. Otherwise you're probably going to drive yourself crazy for more months to come.

Offline maroonlight

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Re: Staying friends with someone you love
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2018, 11:22:48 PM »
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

There is always sexual tension whether people think they are attracted or not. The only way it can work is when couples are friends with other couples and no one involved has any intention of leaving their partner. But even then you are playing with fire. If one or both are single then they will always be wondering if the other is interested or flirting or starting to have feelings for them. Unless you both state openly that there is no attraction and what kind of friendship is it anyway when you have to say that to each other?

I've had a couple of successful and drama-stress free friendships with men. Others have been people I see only as a friend but then they sexually approached me at one point so then it became awkward.