Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

I'm really confused...opinions please?

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Love-33:

--- Quote from: doubleoh8 on November 08, 2017, 06:18:52 PM ---
--- Quote from: greekgeek on November 08, 2017, 05:24:56 PM ---Ugh. I, too, would have interpreted that as a "non final" answer but from an objective outsider's perspective, it sounds like he's being honest with you and just isn't in the space to make this work / expend the energy to move it forward / invest time. It doesn't sound like it's about you at all, but about him. Kudos to a man who's able to gauge what he is and isn't capable of. This is what it sounds like to me.

Moving forward, give him space. Don't reach out. You've said what you've wanted to say and the ball is in his court now. As another poster said, one foot in front of the other but if you wish, keep the door open. He sounds like a decent guy. If he circles back, great, then you can see where it goes then. And if not, at the very least you had a relationship with an honest person and you can and should look forward to the next one.

Hugs.

--- End quote ---

Yeah, I agree. Having been through a situation like this recently, I think best thing is to let go and focus on you and let him sort through stuff. It sounds like he is honest AND he likes and respects you, so there is a good chance he'll come back around when he's really ready. Plus, if he said 'lots on my mind', I think any more messages -- even gentle ones -- may seem like a push to him.

I know it's hard to do, but in a way it's a compliment that he doesn't want to keep you on the line while he deals with his drama. Men are very compartmentalized (from the little I understand about them) and a good guy will want to know he has enough to offer when getting involved with someone. If they don't, and especially if they care about you, they do sometimes back off to get sorted out.

Of course the hard part is there is zero guarantee he will so you need to do what's good for you and don't hang on. And remember it still has nothing to do with you. He may not get through his struggle, for example ... and as hard as it is to believe, you are better off without someone who can't get through his drama/baggage/ stuff.

good luck. i know how hard it is. As I said, I had a very similar thing happen ... and that person has circled back into my life (with outcome still TBD). If I had pushed him at the time, I don't think he would have.

--- End quote ---

After how long did he come back ? I'm also in a pretty similar situation... but it's been 2 months now and he still hasn't come back. So I'm losing hope. Right after he told me all this, he would barely respond to me when I tried to talk. Yesterday I tried to talk through social media, he did reply even though it was brief. It's very painful

doubleoh8:
** Sorry -- modifying this because it felt like too much personal info. I will PM you Love

Short answer is we've lost touch more than once, and the longest times was about 7 months.

A big part of my part in the experience -- what's helped --  has been learning to detach, put myself first and be objective... and to trust that what is happening is in my own best interest and to let go of trying to control the outcome and the situation. Very, very hard for me as this has raised my own abandonment stuff and I still have giant swings, but I am getting better at managing them and focusing on me. The more I do that, the easier it is too for the guy to be around me without the pressure that I originally oozed. (I say oozed because even though I thought I was pretty cool on the outside, I was VERY excited about him and I think he could sense that and it terrified him.)

A lot of people on the board talk about the POI being a jerk and of course everyone has a variety of different experiences, but if you feel this guy is genuine I say give him the benefit of the doubt, respect his needs now, keep your heart open to it, but DON"T put your life on hold or expect he will get through it all and come back. He might! But it will be better for both of you if you are not waiting in anticipation. If he's anything like my POI, the breakup may have left him very gun shy.

Also -- I think I am repeating myself, but I do believe a key part of the whole thing is self-love and self-honouring. Even though he is so great, if he is not emotionally available then he may not be great for you in the long run. Love yourself enough to accept that there may be something better (and that might be him, once he gets sorted out). In my experience, if I have attracted someone who needs to heal, it often means I have some healing to do too. All I can suggest is focus full force on you. If I could go back to the first time we lost touch -- I'd have done that and I think things may have come around faster... and if they didn't I'd have been in a way better place and saved a LOT of money!

sunshineluv7:
Honestly hun... it's generally really hard for men to "break it off" with women. By you trying to counter, you weren't showing grace in letting him go, and trusting he'd come back when he was ready. In fact, your response says "I hear you, but my feelings and thoughts are more right and true than yours and how you feel/what you want right now"

...interesting when you think of it that way, huh?

He won't give you a final answer because he already did, to the best of his availability.

Let it go. If he reaches out, great. But he might not, becausee now you've shown you want more than he does, and it sounds like he can't take "more" in his life right now.

Angelina11:

--- Quote from: sunshineluv7 on November 08, 2017, 11:59:45 PM ---Honestly hun... it's generally really hard for men to "break it off" with women. By you trying to counter, you weren't showing grace in letting him go, and trusting he'd come back when he was ready. In fact, your response says "I hear you, but my feelings and thoughts are more right and true than yours and how you feel/what you want right now"

...interesting when you think of it that way, huh?

He won't give you a final answer because he already did, to the best of his availability.

Let it go. If he reaches out, great. But he might not, becausee now you've shown you want more than he does, and it sounds like he can't take "more" in his life right now.

--- End quote ---


BRILLIANT!!

Seeker:

--- Quote from: maroonlight on November 08, 2017, 05:00:43 PM --- So the psychic spree has been over for a few months now...however...


So for weeks I have been dating a very nice, caring, attractive man with all of the qualities that I seek in a partner. We clicked so well at the beginning, and things have been going very well. (At least I thought so)

He recently started opening up to me about the difficulties he feels in regards to where his life is at now. He recently got out of 3 year relationship, as well as got promoted in his job, which is quite hectic. The other night he was texting me long messages about some difficulties going on with his family too, and I could tell his mood was down. I thought he was very happy with his life, but ever since last week he has seemed a little down.

Last night he sent me a long message again talking about all of the difficulties he was facing, and then said that he shouldn't see me anymore, and that he needs to take a break from dating altogether. I asked him to honestly answer if it was because of me, but he said it had nothing to do with me at all said that he was very attracted to me and admired, and he listed all of the positive qualities he sees in me and said that I did nothing to precipitate this.

I sent a few sweet and gentle messages saying that if it wasn't because of me that there's no reason for us to stop seeing each other, and that we could just continue to take things slow. I told him I understood if he needed time and space to himself, and that I didn't want to add to the stress in his life. I lastly said that I wish he would give this another chance, that I have really enjoyed getting to know him and our conversations, and good night, and he replied "Okay. I appreciate it. Lots on my mind these days. Please have a good night and sleep well *sleeping emoji*"

I'm confused.. he hasn't given me a final answer to the messages that I sent, and the last message does not sound like he is completely terminating the relationship. If he was then I don't see why he wouldn't either bluntly say its over or not respond at all.

--- End quote ---

I can relate to him and his situation. Once with a POI I was going through very hectic work and family situations so much so that a relationship wasn't even possible at the time. I'm sure my POI expected me to jump on the signs she was giving me and if I were in a better headspace at the time I would've, but I couldn't because things were just way too bad and it never would've worked out. It's unfortunate but often timing is paramount and when the timing is off even a good relationship can come apart.

Like others have said, I wouldn't contact him anymore, allow him to make contact. In the meantime, keep living and forget about readings. The worst thing you can do is get caught up in the cycle of getting readings and then waiting and wishing away precious time.

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