Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
I'm really confused...opinions please?
maroonlight:
--- Quote from: Still tired on November 09, 2017, 06:14:52 AM ---
--- Quote from: sunshineluv7 on November 08, 2017, 11:59:45 PM ---In fact, your response says "I hear you, but my feelings and thoughts are more right and true than yours and how you feel/what you want right now"
...interesting when you think of it that way, huh?
--- End quote ---
Interesting only in the sense that it makes me wonder what this says about you. That's a very cynical and defensive way to interpret what she said.
The guy may or may not really want to break it off, either way it is okay for her to express her feelings and say what she wants. It's a conversation, not a challenge being thrown down. ???
--- End quote ---
Thank you. Yeah I wasn’t trying to disregard what he was saying..it hurt me a lot and I don’t want him to go. So I was just being honest with him
sunshineluv7:
Well, with what you wrote here anyway you didn't mention anything that showed you understood where he was coming from and respected his wishes or where he was at. And men live and die on respect. Your response is another way of saying "sure, but sweetie, you're actually wrong and here's what we should do instead".
If he's going to come to that realization, he will do it entirely on his own. That's why it's so important to let men lead, you can't convince a man otherwise when he's thought things through enough to talk about it and make a decision.
People never break things off on a whim, and it's always a difficult conversation to have. He knew you wouldn't want to stop things. So maybe you did say more than you wrote here, but by what you wrote it doesn't look like you saw him and where he's at with love... just wanted to protect your own interests. You could have said something like, I understand and I'm sorry for everything you're dealing with. I enjoyed our time together though so get in touch if you like when you're feeling more up to it, I'll be thinking of you. Then you leave the door open, but you're also being graceful.
It's a harsh way to say things BUT there are huge spiritual concepts behind it. When we love someone, truly, we want their happiness regardless of our own. Secondly, men have subconscious (and sometimes conscious) radar up for when women are trying to take from them (time, money, freedom) without adding or giving anything. And I'm not saying you love him, but the point here is that when someone talks to us about slowing things down or breaking it off they already know we won't like it and will say but wait, baby.
My analysis still stands. I'd be very surprised (but pleasantly!!!) if he did say more to you on the topic.
There's a Chance he reaches back out in several weeks or months when he feels he's more equipped to put time into something.
maroonlight:
--- Quote from: sunshineluv7 on November 09, 2017, 12:38:24 PM ---Well, with what you wrote here anyway you didn't mention anything that showed you understood where he was coming from and respected his wishes or where he was at. And men live and die on respect. Your response is another way of saying "sure, but sweetie, you're actually wrong and here's what we should do instead".
If he's going to come to that realization, he will do it entirely on his own. That's why it's so important to let men lead, you can't convince a man otherwise when he's thought things through enough to talk about it and make a decision.
People never break things off on a whim, and it's always a difficult conversation to have. He knew you wouldn't want to stop things. So maybe you did say more than you wrote here, but by what you wrote it doesn't look like you saw him and where he's at with love... just wanted to protect your own interests. You could have said something like, I understand and I'm sorry for everything you're dealing with. I enjoyed our time together though so get in touch if you like when you're feeling more up to it, I'll be thinking of you. Then you leave the door open, but you're also being graceful.
It's a harsh way to say things BUT there are huge spiritual concepts behind it. When we love someone, truly, we want their happiness regardless of our own. Secondly, men have subconscious (and sometimes conscious) radar up for when women are trying to take from them (time, money, freedom) without adding or giving anything. And I'm not saying you love him, but the point here is that when someone talks to us about slowing things down or breaking it off they already know we won't like it and will say but wait, baby.
My analysis still stands. I'd be very surprised (but pleasantly!!!) if he did say more to you on the topic.
There's a Chance he reaches back out in several weeks or months when he feels he's more equipped to put time into something.
--- End quote ---
I told him that I understood he needed time and space and that I didn’t want to add to the stress in his life, but also that I didn’t want him to go. I did write more than I posted here and acknowledged his difficulties.
Love-33:
Dont' worry darling. It's good that he knows what you want at least if he comes back it will be for something serious and not just for FWB or whatever.
maroonlight:
--- Quote from: Love-33 on November 09, 2017, 01:28:09 PM ---Dont' worry darling. It's good that he knows what you want at least if he comes back it will be for something serious and not just for FWB or whatever.
--- End quote ---
Yeah..I guess the good news is that responded to my last message that night and didn’t block me or something..it’s just so hard because he’s all I can think about right now
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