Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
I'm really confused...opinions please?
maroonlight:
So the psychic spree has been over for a few months now...however...
So for weeks I have been dating a very nice, caring, attractive man with all of the qualities that I seek in a partner. We clicked so well at the beginning, and things have been going very well. (At least I thought so)
He recently started opening up to me about the difficulties he feels in regards to where his life is at now. He recently got out of 3 year relationship, as well as got promoted in his job, which is quite hectic. The other night he was texting me long messages about some difficulties going on with his family too, and I could tell his mood was down. I thought he was very happy with his life, but ever since last week he has seemed a little down.
Last night he sent me a long message again talking about all of the difficulties he was facing, and then said that he shouldn't see me anymore, and that he needs to take a break from dating altogether. I asked him to honestly answer if it was because of me, but he said it had nothing to do with me at all said that he was very attracted to me and admired, and he listed all of the positive qualities he sees in me and said that I did nothing to precipitate this.
I sent a few sweet and gentle messages saying that if it wasn't because of me that there's no reason for us to stop seeing each other, and that we could just continue to take things slow. I told him I understood if he needed time and space to himself, and that I didn't want to add to the stress in his life. I lastly said that I wish he would give this another chance, that I have really enjoyed getting to know him and our conversations, and good night, and he replied "Okay. I appreciate it. Lots on my mind these days. Please have a good night and sleep well *sleeping emoji*"
I'm confused.. he hasn't given me a final answer to the messages that I sent, and the last message does not sound like he is completely terminating the relationship. If he was then I don't see why he wouldn't either bluntly say its over or not respond at all.
bluebelle:
Sounds like he's trying to let you down easy...doesn't sound like it's you at all, but he's just not in a space to be in a relationship and he doesn't want to keep you hanging.
I would stop reaching out, and see if he comes back around, but don't wait if that makes sense.
At least he was honest with you though, doesn't sound like a bad guy.
maroonlight:
--- Quote from: bluebelle on November 08, 2017, 05:06:31 PM ---Sounds like he's trying to let you down easy...doesn't sound like it's you at all, but he's just not in a space to be in a relationship and he doesn't want to keep you hanging.
I would stop reaching out, and see if he comes back around, but don't wait if that makes sense.
At least he was honest with you though, doesn't sound like a bad guy.
--- End quote ---
Yeah I'm not going to wait around for months like I did with the guys I was calling the psychics about. I won't text him again..I guess I will give it a week or two before saying its done for.
bluebelle:
--- Quote from: maroonlight on November 08, 2017, 05:08:49 PM ---
--- Quote from: bluebelle on November 08, 2017, 05:06:31 PM ---Sounds like he's trying to let you down easy...doesn't sound like it's you at all, but he's just not in a space to be in a relationship and he doesn't want to keep you hanging.
I would stop reaching out, and see if he comes back around, but don't wait if that makes sense.
At least he was honest with you though, doesn't sound like a bad guy.
--- End quote ---
Yeah I'm not going to wait around for months like I did with the guys I was calling the psychics about. I won't text him again..I guess I will give it a week or two before saying its done for.
--- End quote ---
that's all you can do really, pushing him would probably just make him pull back more. sorry to hear this happened. :(
doubleoh8:
--- Quote from: greekgeek on November 08, 2017, 05:24:56 PM ---Ugh. I, too, would have interpreted that as a "non final" answer but from an objective outsider's perspective, it sounds like he's being honest with you and just isn't in the space to make this work / expend the energy to move it forward / invest time. It doesn't sound like it's about you at all, but about him. Kudos to a man who's able to gauge what he is and isn't capable of. This is what it sounds like to me.
Moving forward, give him space. Don't reach out. You've said what you've wanted to say and the ball is in his court now. As another poster said, one foot in front of the other but if you wish, keep the door open. He sounds like a decent guy. If he circles back, great, then you can see where it goes then. And if not, at the very least you had a relationship with an honest person and you can and should look forward to the next one.
Hugs.
--- End quote ---
Yeah, I agree. Having been through a situation like this recently, I think best thing is to let go and focus on you and let him sort through stuff. It sounds like he is honest AND he likes and respects you, so there is a good chance he'll come back around when he's really ready. Plus, if he said 'lots on my mind', I think any more messages -- even gentle ones -- may seem like a push to him.
I know it's hard to do, but in a way it's a compliment that he doesn't want to keep you on the line while he deals with his drama. Men are very compartmentalized (from the little I understand about them) and a good guy will want to know he has enough to offer when getting involved with someone. If they don't, and especially if they care about you, they do sometimes back off to get sorted out.
Of course the hard part is there is zero guarantee he will so you need to do what's good for you and don't hang on. And remember it still has nothing to do with you. He may not get through his struggle, for example ... and as hard as it is to believe, you are better off without someone who can't get through his drama/baggage/ stuff.
good luck. i know how hard it is. As I said, I had a very similar thing happen ... and that person has circled back into my life (with outcome still TBD). If I had pushed him at the time, I don't think he would have.
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