Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
My Story...I need some support from the only ppl who get it
sunshineluv7:
I didn't read any responses just your post, but here are my thoughts..
One talking to a man like this never works, so don't try to talk to him about it. Here is what you do: stop spending time with him altogether.
Why?
Right now he has everything he wants as far as you in his life and emotional support. Maybe he is even getting sexual contact somewhere else, but that doesn't matter. He clearly is emotional attached to you.
He will only change when or if he feels pain around the current situation. That's what inspires people to step up or step out.
He will do one of two things. One, realize he doesn't really want you or the relationship.. Two, realize he really does want you and step up to give you what you deserve.
But every time you see him without a commitment at this point you are just subconsciously lowering your value in his eyes and heart. Men want a woman who is a queen even if that means you have to lay down the law and make him recognize it.
So put your big girl panties on and go to war on this if it's what you really want. And go read up on Katarina Phang.
May the odds be ever in your favor 😊
I say this because I did all the wrong things for 2.5 years. Men don't respond to love and support when they are confused. They respond to pain and absence.
HornetKick:
--- Quote from: sunshineluv7 on May 09, 2017, 12:47:11 PM ---I say this because I did all the wrong things for 2.5 years. Men don't respond to love and support when they are confused. They respond to pain and absence.
--- End quote ---
I totally get what you're saying, so what happens after marriage? You have to continually make him feel pain and absence, or he cheats?
bluebelle:
I truly feel if a man plays games like this in the beginning, the whole relationship will be a headache and an emotional roller coaster.
I had a guy do this to me years ago, back and forth, in and out, hot and cold. I never chased him, never tried to push him. guess what, four years later, things never took off and he played the same crap..although he would always get a little closer and nicer, but never what I needed. Point is, I knew this in the beginning but kept on hoping for more.
then there was the jerk I was calling psychics about, same thing! it was like reliving a nightmare LOL
I am not saying all relationships are easy and smooth sailing, but I think if a guy really wants you, he will act right and not play these games. and even if he does really want you, do you want someone who put you thru all this? someone who didn't know your worth in the beginning?
Susie1976:
Wow you guys are giving me so much courage and strength. Ok so let me go into a little depth about this guy so you get the whole picture. In the beginning he was all in we saw each other ever weekend and it was difficult bc our schedules sucked. He worked a graveyard shift and I manage a restaurant so it was hard. Anyway we managed. He was awesome to me treated like a princess better then any guy ever did. For the first month and a half things were great. However the red flags were there and that's my fault that I should of saw them. His ex wife cheated on him so he would refer to her as "the pig" "the cunt". I hated that sooo much. I get that she hurt him but stupid me should of saw that he wasn't over it by the way he talked about her. Then after 6 weeks every time we were intimate he couldn't do it. He would freeze up and he couldn't finish. I get horrible bc he would get upset and once he started to cry and begged me not to leave. I said to him I loved him and would never do that. He was going to therapy for awhile two years. But we planned a vacation and right before the vacation he stopped going to therapy. He said his therapist said he didn't need it anymore. I was really concerned since I knew the therapy helped him soo much. Two weeks later on march 4 he ended things. So he went from super hot to cold. Plus now when I steep back I see things different. When we were together he slept a lot , granted his hours were horrible but I felt like that's what our relationship consisted of except when we went on vacay. He is super negative, not with me thou with me always sweet and kind, about himself and his life. You guys are right I need to just stop. Stop pretending this is gonna work. He is very broken and I need to move on. I need more courage I think I'm almost there. I'm glad I could talk to you guys about it. Thank you sooo much xoxo
sunshineluv7:
--- Quote from: HornetKick on May 09, 2017, 02:05:59 PM ---
--- Quote from: sunshineluv7 on May 09, 2017, 12:47:11 PM ---I say this because I did all the wrong things for 2.5 years. Men don't respond to love and support when they are confused. They respond to pain and absence.
--- End quote ---
I totally get what you're saying, so what happens after marriage? You have to continually make him feel pain and absence, or he cheats?
--- End quote ---
Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/0767923189
:)
There IS a time to talk about things, but women are far more on the "let's talk it out" side than men can easily process/actually get results from. I get what you are saying though, but I've tried it both ways and have to agree talking doesn't work. I wish it did, so much easier for us. LOL
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