Ways to heal

[scorpiogirl]

YAY!
For sure you can do it. It's awesome to go with a friend. I started out walking too. First just around my apartment for 30 minutes 2-3 times a week.

I graduated to walking further and walking up steep hills. The first time I made it up the hill without stopping to catch my breath, I was so proud of myself. It makes you want to challenge yourself when you start noticing how well you're doing.

Let me know how the walk goes

[sunandmoon]

Having a friend to do this with helps so much. I am a competitive endurance athlete. I've been in such a funk I rarely even walk these days. I did one event this year and luckily I went into it with a good attitude so I wasn't depressed at how poorly I did. 2 summers ago my schedule was more flexible and I was able to hook up with a girlfriend a couple of times a week. That doesn't happen anymore and I don't have the motivation to get myself out - though I did do better than last year.

I went to my T and discussed this because honestly I am disgusted with myself. He said that first off I've been through a lot, and secondly things do go in cycles and I should just consider this a rest cycle and not be quite so hard on myself. He's right of course. I think back to the times I kayaked all summer or roller bladed and I don't do as much of that anymore even when I am working out.

I did two things in September to help me - I officially joined a club that gives me access to more people. It's something I never thought I'd do but they get together all winter. Only downfall is that I wasn't able to make last week, tonight or next week for one particular workout so I feel like I'm falling off the bandwagon already - but this is work and I can't change it.

The other thing I did was buy a base training program for the winter. Another thing I've shunned as I hate working out inside during the winter, but I've been told by a friend who has this program, that the workouts are varied and it's not that hard to get through them mentally (physically is a whole other issue). And he builds in outside work too.

I'm hoping that spending money and having people hound me about meeting up with them will help.

I totally get where you are CF. I used to use workouts to keep me sane! Now I sit on the couch and think "I should get outside" - and I'll think that for 2 hours and still not do it.

[Furah2fun]

@Cfisher,

 I agree with above posts.  Prior to the on and off breakup cycles, I have always naturally been someone who was motivated to work out. But since this mess of a situation started in 2011, it was so hard to find motivation. My friend (love her to death) came over, pulled me out of bed and forced me to work out and walk 6 miles etc. It made me feel so much better. I have my days as well, when I can't motivate to do anything but just go home and veg. Now my friend and I always make it a priority to workout rather than grabbing food etc to catch up.

 But like scorpiogirl, I figure if I am going to be single, then I want to be the best version of myself.  Otherwise, I will be exactly the same place a year from now, but heavier and untoned. Also, to echo scorpiogirls statements, these idiots are not sitting at home feeling sorry for themselves.

 I like the "bar method" work out. Its very empowering.

[allbitenobark]

Working out has saved my life, lol! I've lost a whopping 55 pounds since my ex and I split and I have 15 more to go to reach my ideal BMI. Obviously dieting was a huge part of that, too. My friend joined and I also have quite a few co-workers that belong to the same gym. It is sometimes a social event for me and with the health benefits seems to keep me fairly motivated. Besides, I'm digging the attention I'm getting. But, I have my days where I don't want to get off the couch AT ALL. Having a workout buddy definitely helps in those situations. At least for me it does. Her and I are at similar fitness levels so we're not competitive just very supportive of one another. I find I have a hard time getting to the gym but once I'm there its like the switch turns on and I'm ready to push myself. I like the new habits I'm forming and I'm not sure if I would have started if I were still with him. I win. \m/

[oben]

I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am . So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself

[scorpiogirl]

I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am . So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself

I think you'd be surprised what you take in in your sleep. Even that moment in between sleep and awake, I sometimes feel like i have the most clarity.

Music also is a great tool for me. I don't listen to anything sad but I sing at the top of my lungs to my ipod or to youtube. I think my neighbours hate me because my voice is terrible :-)
But I read once that nobody can feel sad or down when they're singing. That's very true.

My other go-to is comedy. I love stand up or old comedy favourites. I have NOT watched The Vow or ... what is it ... the Lucky One or Lucky One.
I'm not sad anymore about that person but I know if I were to watch one of those movies or rehash The NOtebook, I would be worse off.

[tjoy12]

Kickboxing is awesome!

I think my punching bag secretly hates me now... lol

[Cfisher]

@tjoy! Baggage reclaim? Omg! Golden! Seriously golden! I fired your link off to a friend of mine and she fired it off to a whole bunch of her peeps. That site is absolutely the SHIT! Thank you so much!

I'm also happy to announce that since I started this thread I have began walking at 7pm for an hour every day. I have had some correspondence with other friends who have been through stuff as well and it has been immensely helpful for me. Even though you guys aren't here with me in my day life I cannot tell you how much the advice, comments and support from here is appreciated.

Now taking an hour long walk every day isn't amazing, but I'm working on it. Knowing that going to the gym etc. is sometimes a struggle for you guys but you still force yourself even though you really don't feel like it either is really helpful for forcing myself to at least get off the couch for an hour everyday.

One step at a time over here. My lack of motivation to move my body is simply appalling to me as I've been incredibly active my whole life from martial arts, sports, kickboxing, Muay Thai etc. But constantly getting these boy problem hits is really killing me! And I think I've had just about enough of it. From here on out, I'm focusing solely on ME. My health inside and out, getting back to my happy place, getting my energy up, feeling good about myself and what's good for me!

Thank you so much you guys for being a part of my world

[scorpiogirl]

I think this is a fabulous thread. We all need a little bit of motivation sometimes.

I'd love to do kickboxing. Wish I had somewhere around here to do it.

[tjoy12]

Cfisher - Seriously!! You're welcome! I know - It's like I hit a gold mine with that site.

I'm on there almost every day reading the articles and comments...It has honestly kept me at a place of strength constantly reminding me of what I've been dealing with.

I don't think my guy is exactly like some of those that are described, but he has displayed elements of said behavior and if his behavior hurt me - which it did - then that is enough!
It brings me back down to reality!

I am just sooooo glad that I made the decision I made and I'm not settling for less! Because he went there with marriage, measly contact attempts now are like breadcrumbs to me. He better come correct with a whole "loaf" to even get me to talk right now!

Haha - sorry, but just an example of how that site has really empowered me and helped me to realize I deserve better. 

So glad it has helped you and others! 

[Cfisher]

The comic relief is really helpful for me as well. I downloaded a bunch of Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy and Russell Peters (he's my fav! I've seen him live and he's amazing) he slams every culture out there fair and square! Ha ha! He's totally worth watching!

I too have looked into some hypnosis stuff and NLP with Richard bandler. I figure at this point anything and everything I can get my hands on is helpful!

I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am . So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself

I think you'd be surprised what you take in in your sleep. Even that moment in between sleep and awake, I sometimes feel like i have the most clarity.

Music also is a great tool for me. I don't listen to anything sad but I sing at the top of my lungs to my ipod or to youtube. I think my neighbours hate me because my voice is terrible :-)
But I read once that nobody can feel sad or down when they're singing. That's very true.

My other go-to is comedy. I love stand up or old comedy favourites. I have NOT watched The Vow or ... what is it ... the Lucky One or Lucky One.
I'm not sad anymore about that person but I know if I were to watch one of those movies or rehash The NOtebook, I would be worse off.

[Cfisher]

Tjoy-you are inspirational to me for your strength. Knowing that you deserve better and that you'll find it, well, it gives me some hope!

As for me? I had it pointed out that when I started on this site I was a bit more gregarious than now and that my posts have dimmed a bit. This wasn't a negative thing that was pointed out as its the complete truth.

I've decided to close out all hopes from the last one I was involved with. So now I'm in that healing process. Hence the blah coming out of me! It's tough to make a decision to walk away from someone you want, but the truth is, having contact with him was just making me feel terrible. A total roller coaster ride.

I have to take it one step and day at a time. But I'm feeling better every day. And things will continue to get better every day. Soon I'll be back to my old self and my energy levels will get back to normal. I hate that it's forced at this point, but me going through this process right now is better than the alternative of being stuck in the muck! Right?!??

Screw that shit. I'm done with the bullshit of waiting for things to change with him, which realistically won't happen in the near future.

Shmeh. Life. Ya gotta love how life throws the most messed up people into your pathway. Well, forget it. I won't be having it anymore. I dug myself into a hole and now I'm digging myself out of it. Clearly, I like dirt? Lol! Which reminds me, I need to have a shower now... Ok, maybe I am back to my dorky self. Lol

Cfisher - Seriously!! You're welcome! I know - It's like I hit a gold mine with that site.

I'm on there almost every day reading the articles and comments...It has honestly kept me at a place of strength constantly reminding me of what I've been dealing with.

I don't think my guy is exactly like some of those that are described, but he has displayed elements of said behavior and if his behavior hurt me - which it did - then that is enough!
It brings me back down to reality!

I am just sooooo glad that I made the decision I made and I'm not settling for less! Because he went there with marriage, measly contact attempts now are like breadcrumbs to me. He better come correct with a whole "loaf" to even get me to talk right now!

Haha - sorry, but just an example of how that site has really empowered me and helped me to realize I deserve better. 

So glad it has helped you and others! 

[tjoy12]

Aww...thanks hun! 

Yea, I know what you mean about having contact with them. It does make it difficult and you find yourself holding on and clinging to that. I think it really hit me when I realized how dare this man go from marriage to friend?? overnight??

It doesn't make sense and is complete disrespect to me. Oh and also that he didn't apologize. huh?

Yea not acceptable.

It was a huge step for me to walk away and was not advisable from Kisha and Sapphire...but to be honest. I feel better now than how I would have felt if I was still in contact with him. I've officially started healing and we really do need that time away from them.

Maybe one day we can be friends, but not right now. It's a blow to my self respect to allow someone to stay in my life when he did what he did.
It's like, "oh ok, sure you broke my heart, but here, you deserve my friendship because you are just that great of a chap."
Nope - Wrong!

It is so hard to do right by you sometimes and sometimes, the best decision is what our mind and logic says than what our heart is screaming at the moment...but in the end, you will have your self respect and that my friend is nothing that man can take from you!

[scorpiogirl]

The comic relief is really helpful for me as well. I downloaded a bunch of Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy and Russell Peters (he's my fav! I've seen him live and he's amazing) he slams every culture out there fair and square! Ha ha! He's totally worth watching!

I too have looked into some hypnosis stuff and NLP with Richard bandler. I figure at this point anything and everything I can get my hands on is helpful!

I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am . So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself

I think you'd be surprised what you take in in your sleep. Even that moment in between sleep and awake, I sometimes feel like i have the most clarity.

Music also is a great tool for me. I don't listen to anything sad but I sing at the top of my lungs to my ipod or to youtube. I think my neighbours hate me because my voice is terrible :-)
But I read once that nobody can feel sad or down when they're singing. That's very true.

My other go-to is comedy. I love stand up or old comedy favourites. I have NOT watched The Vow or ... what is it ... the Lucky One or Lucky One.
I'm not sad anymore about that person but I know if I were to watch one of those movies or rehash The NOtebook, I would be worse off.

All my favourites! I love Russell Peters. I can watch Chris Rock all the time too haha. My favourite line to say to my brother (when he expects a pat on the back for something unremarkable) is "what? you want a cookie?" I crack myself up all the time time. He is less amused 

[oben]

@cfisher: I am listening  to Steve g jones. On amazon they are 99 cents to listen to with amazon player!