Ways to heal

[Cfisher]

I know that this is not a *Support* forum but many of us on here are also trying to let go of past hurts.

I'm curious to know how other people deal with their past hurts and let go of those relationships that aren't working out. I know for myself that I am having a difficult time with this and some relationships take longer to get over than others.

For those of you who have made the decision to just let go and move on with your life, what are you doing to make yourself feel better?

I know that positive affirmations help, but I'm losing my motivation to do them. I know that exercising regularly is great for me but can't seem to get on that band wagon. How do you motivate yourself to do those things that are really good for you? What motivates you in the first place and how do you guys get off your butts when in a slump?

@synergy: you've gone thru a lot and have clearly come out the other side feeling much better, what did you focus on while you were going thru it? Apart from completely stopping getting readings for starters, what other steps did you take to get yourself back into your happy place?

I'm looking for some tools here and every comment is welcome of what worked for you!

[tjoy12]

Hi CFisher!

I think this is a great thread.

I have realized that it is just a process for everyone which gives me much empathy for those who are getting over 4 or 5 year relationships. I'm noticing it takes time.

For me, what has helped that I did recently was to write down all the crap that hurt me. I have it in a notebook and when I start to miss him, I look at it and am reminded why I deserve better.

I also have on my mirror at home, a few things:

*Remember: Every day that passes, you are one day closer to the man that is meant for you!
*The best revenge is making the best decision for yourself!
*She who laughs last, laughs longest - Sapphire told me this

Sometimes the what-if I would have stuck around to be his friend questions come up in my mind, but then I wise up and say nope - I deserve to be treated better and pursued.
I will not be demoted and go from being treated like #1 one day to being treated like an option, the next day.

A lot of self talk, reminding self, knowing that things will not always be this and that the pain will pass, oh and this website: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

These are the things that help me. Oh also, sometimes I call my friends and say, "Remind me why I did what I did again? (walked away)"

I know my situation may be different as in the end, I had the chance to drop him, but deep down, I still wanted it to work.

Hope this helps some!

[jdd2003]

I see nothing wrong with having a support section on this. Lots of people here are trying to move forward or are just dealing with a psychic addiction that they need help with.

There's nothing worse than having held onto a hope only to realise it's false. Trust me, I've been there. For me, I've found the best thing to do is to reimmerse myself in life to the point where there is no space to dwell on the issue. The thing is, we do tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the issue and internally dwelling on it. It's like your subconscious is constantly there.

For me, I've found the best thing to do is keep myself incredibly busy, usually with social activities. When other people are around and you're experiencing new things, you generally don't have time to let your conscious or subconscious go back to the relationship. Eventually it just sort of gets 'pushed out' of your mind and one day you end up going, wow, I haven't thought about this or so-and-s0 in ages.

Another thing that's great for clearing the mind and rebalancing yourself...a good, hard workout. I know it sounds ridiculous, but any weight-training class is immense. Anything where you have to push yourself works wonders because again, your mind has to focus fully on something else. Exercise also releases happy hormones.

Any change of lifestyle or scenery, anything that makes everything different from before helps.

when you retrain the mind, somehow the soul manages to catch up and restore itself.

[tjoy12]

I like that JDD.

See - people would always tell me oh go make yourself busy, but it never worked. I was still always thinking about it or it was in the back of my mind. Uuuggghhh...hate the process.

Your explanation of it is perfect:
"when you retrain the mind, somehow the soul manages to catch up and restore itself."

Love this!

[jdd2003]

thanks

It's not so much about keeping yourself busy as it is just getting a new start and keeping busy. I could keep myself busy at work and would probably become completely depressed. But if you start keeping busy with things you weren't doing before, then it really works because it removes you from the familiar and puts you in a new space in life that doesn't include the old one anymore. I'm currently doing that, so before I wasn't going out as much, I certainly wasn't making spontaneous weekend trips with friends...hello to amsterdam this weekend! The thought of not going puts me in a bad place because I'm like, darn it, I said I would do this for me, IAMGOING!!!

[scorpiogirl]

I hate when people tell me " Do something for yourself. Have a spa day or do your nails."
But being around people when I was ready has helped me. It also got me out of the house and away from the phone so I could not call psychics.

I've read baggage reclaim every day since I found it. It really is a great site so I love when other people find it as empowering as I have.
It's a great dose of reality.

You're doing great tjoy :-)

I guess different things help different people. But I've found facing the reality of the situation and working through it and what part I played in it all has helped.
No easy or quick fix. Trial and error I guess.

[jdd2003]

yeaaaaaaaaaa....go do something for yourself ended up being going out and meet loads of good looking dudes for me hahahaha

[Furah2fun]

@scorpiogirl, people always tell me that too re spa day etc!! I agree being around supportive friends etc. I stopped talking about it with my friends, but I am still processing the situation. I really hope it gets easier one day! I have been keeping myself busy, working out, socializing,,,but its always in the back of my mind. Especially the quiet moments at work, when I ask why did I choose this profession.

[scorpiogirl]

@scorpiogirl, people always tell me that too re spa day etc!! I agree being around supportive friends etc. I stopped talking about it with my friends, but I am still processing the situation. I really hope it gets easier one day! I have been keeping myself busy, working out, socializing,,,but its always in the back of my mind. Especially the quiet moments at work, when I ask why did I choose this profession.

Yea I know what you mean about it being in the back of your mind. What do you do when you go to a spa? You're quiet. You lie there with nothing but your thoughts. I've found avoiding it is just not realistic.
Eventually my soul became so tired of being consumed by this jackass that I just couldn't think about it anymore. It's such a cliche but time truly is the only healer. But also you can't wallow in it.

Wallowing in it and dealing with it are different. In the latter case you're proactively sorting it out in your head. It does get better. I promise.

[tjoy12]

Awww...thanks Scorpio!

Yes, I've found that only time heals - sucks!

But it helps to lean on each other - talking to people who really do understand and who are there to listen to you sort it out. I guess it's like I sort stuff out, then talk about it and it just helps to process through everything.

And then I may retract and have an "off" day, but my true friends are there to still listen and be there.

That support helps much.

[Cfisher]

WOW! You guys are amazing!!! Thanks so much for the amazing energy you just zoomed through this thread you guys!

I'm a total *fake it till you make it* type, so no one in my day life has the foggiest idea what's going on on my end. And in truth, it's just better that way. It forces me to not talk about anything negative or dwell on anything at work.

@truelove - where do you get the motivation to get your butt to the gym? You know on those days where you really just DON'T WANT TO GO? Do you just suck it up and force yourself?

Although I'm a totally naturally positive person with a happy disposition, I can't even get motivated to go for a walk these days and it's still nice out!

So to help motivate yourself peeps, what do you do? Just suck it up and bloody go? How do you talk yourself into going when you are feeling lazy? Do I just have to completely SUCK IT UP and get off my butt and go? Self-talk?

My lack of motivation to do ANYTHING other than lay on the couch after work is seriously irritating me. This just isn't my style. But this flipping slump I'm in, just.... well, it really sucks And I'm trying so hard to shake it off. Maybe I need to try harder?

[scorpiogirl]

Well I'm not truelove ( and I can't sleep!) but I'll answer. I go to the gym 5 times a week. I've lost 15 kg. Lots more to go.

The only thing that has ever made me get up and go out is that I feel worse having not gone, than when I have gone. When I don't go I feel guilty. I try to avoid the guilt at all costs :-)

The worst part is getting out the door. The days when I REALLY don't feel like going I grumble all through putting on my gym clothes and shoes. I sit on the bed contemplating NOT going. Then I put something bouncy on my ipod, something that makes me want to sing and dance. Makes me bounce right out the door and I sing and bounce all the way to the gym. By the time I've filled my water bottle, I'm ready to go because everyone around me is running and lifting and sweating.

When I'm done I'm hot and sweaty and my muscles hurt and I feel like I worked hard. I know that I'm that much closer to my goal. If nothing else, I can then lie on my couch and watch a movie guilt-free haha
I won't lie, exercise does NOT make me feel happy, but seeing my clothes getting bigger and my scale numbers getting small, do.

Also I don't want to be that stupid horrible, tired, old mess. If I'm going to be single, I'm going to be a hot single. I have a long way to go but for me my motivation is not letting them (him) win.
They're not sitting in a pile, or lying on the couch eating crap, watching a rom-com wondering what-if and when-is-she-coming-back. If you have nothing else to make you get up, for now make it about them not winning

You just have to make yourself. No magic formula I'm afraid. I hate working out. But my muscles are so sore right now and I feel like I accomplished something today.

I've been thinking about starting a message board with exactly topics like these where we can motivate each other and not get in trouble for not doing the psychic stuff :-)
I need motivation too, even though the person who caused my psychic (and complete) meltdown is no longer an issue for me. I have my moments

[Cfisher]

@scorpiogirl - you just made my day with your post. 5 days a week hey? If you can do 5 days a week pushing yourself when you really don't want to go, I think I can suck it up and start with today. A friend of mine is coming over tonight and we've decided to go for a brisk walk on the sea wall. It's a step in the right direction.

[jdd2003]

Yep, you just make yourself go! It's painful the first few times lol, but then you start remembering how awesome you feel afterwards. Also making yourself go means ovecoming the defeatist feeling inside you so that makes you emotionally stronger as well.

[jdd2003]

@scorpiogirl - couldn't have said it better, that is exactly the way to do it

@cfisher - walks, jogs, rent some bikes, yoga (but not the slow crap, you'll just end up having a nap on the floor), body pump (amazing)....oooh try bikram yoga-kicks your butt, but detoxes you and makes you feel amazing.