Thanks njlady and journalmuse for your input and words of encouragement.
To njlady...agree with what you said. The "emotional investment" that you speak of...it's very true. It would always be the same thing...he would take me for granted and then leave...and then return promising that each time he was ready to commit...only to do a 180 again. And I would take him back each time because I had invested so much of myself and my life for him - moved my kids to be with him, invested my life savings into a house he wanted, and turned against family who didn't really want me with him. I guess the reason I would call CP was that his "coming and going" was a pattern, so over the last 4 months, I thought if he just comes back one more time, I would do things differently. When he finally came around to propose to me, I just foolishly thought he was just a slow learner, and he finally had the courage to take the next step forward. I guess he just wasn't ready as he thought. I pray I have the strength you had to just walk away after 12 years...
Many thanks again...
Letting go