Nothing worse than lying to yourself

[Starrlite]

For the last several months, I have been dating, going out and having a good time.  All that time I have maintained a friendship with my ex.  I thought I was passed everything and he was just my best friend in the world, but it was all a lie.  At the slightest provocation last night everything erupted.  I had been with someone who is wonderful but it wasn't him, and last night everything for the past three years came out.  I still love him, and I still think he is the one but I can't control how he feels.  It is wonderful to have someone tell you how much they need you and how much you matter but somewhere along the line you would have cheated hated and resented me, so a wall had to be built for protection and he can't love me anymore.  I never did anything but worship the ground he walked on but apparently my mistake was not telling him everyday how much I loved him.  I'm not in as much pain as when it was over but this is devastating.  Time to break up with the new man who I won't be with out of rejection and time to start from square one.

[Starrlite]

No my ex and I were not together I thought I had moved passed things and was seeing someone else, but things exploded and now I'm going to break up with this other man because although my ex doesn't want me, he wants to be friends and I humored him for a while, it's not fair to the new guy he doesn't deserve to be led on

[hellonurse]

But don't you think you can develop feelings for the new guy? Or stronger ones?

[Starrlite]

I don't think that I can not right now.  He hasn't been able to get me to forget the ex.  He's just an escape and that's not fair to him I don't want to lead him on.

[hellonurse]

 Well the reason I ask is because I was in a similar situation, I started dating my current guy when my ex and I broke up 7 months ago. And up until maybe last month I was still very hung up on my ex, all the while dating new guy. I also thought it wasn't fair, but sometimes it just happens that way. Anyhow, my feelings for new guy have developed and I'm so glad i didn't push him away when I thought i should. Idk, maybe that's just me, but I'd hate for you to give something up over someone who isn't offering you much and not giving it a chance or more time.

[Starrlite]

Thank you for the advice I don't want to push him away but part of me thinks he feels the distance too

[hellonurse]

Just don't make any big decisions like that too quickly. Maybe let things fall into place naturally....good luck!

[sunandmoon]

I was kind of in the same boat. I had an opportunity for a new man come at me. We had been avoiding the obvious for months but then it came to a head and he actually told me he liked me, but told me it was also my choice, if I just wanted to stay friends then he was fine with that too, but he did really like me. I took a chance and decided to move on from my ex. I do still think of him, but I have not regretted a minute with this new guy. He is absolutely wonderful and I'm so glad I took the jump when I did. Else I would have been waiting for the Oct/Nov timelines to pass (which they did) and then the Spring 2012 ones, all the while still calling psychics. Like hellonurse said, just don't make any big decisions and enjoy yourself. It must at least feel great to have someone actually want to be with you! I also read something recently where someone met a great person, dated, didn't have that huge spark right away, but it did eventually happen. If they had given up because they didn't feel the spark (although they enjoyed the person) they would have missed out on a lot.

[hellonurse]

I concur 

[Synergy]

Starrlite,

I'm a little late to this conversation, but I wanted to echo what everyone else is saying, although ultimately you have to do what's right for you.  This is such a tough situation to be in.  I'm finally ready to move on because I've met a wonderful man who's everything I could ask for, BUT I approached my ex yesterday and spent about half an hour just talking to him about everything and nothing at all.  I feel guilty because I shouldn't have given him the time of day, and I know I was flirting with him, but the connection with him is so intense.  It's difficult for me to deny it. 

Starrlite, do what you feel in your heart you need to do.  Even though I talked to my ex yesterday and was feeling the energetic pull to him, I was able to see why he is NOT the right person for me (maybe that's just "right now" or in this lifetime or whatever).  IF he loved me, he'd be with me.  Don't make excuses for your ex, but don't give up on him if you KNOW that he's the one for you. 

I wish you all the best with whatever you decide.  Let us know how everything goes. 

[Starrlite]

Right now both the new guy and I are very busy with work.  Funny thing is that when I opened this response the phone rang and it was the first time new guy had called me in a week.  It was oakay talking to him but right now all that this communication can do is make me think of my ex.  Maybe it's a good thing new guy is busy maybe I can blow some of these feelings off before he wants to meet up again.  I'm going to try until it becomes unfair to both of us.  Thank you for all the advice and I'm glad I didn't go on impulse and mess up something before I look into its potential