A lot of psychics say that "pull away" stuff and that it will draw them closer, and it might work temporarily but I don't want to be with someone I have to pull away from, tbh.
Exactly, what is the good of that?
My two cents. I've never read with Cookie so this comment is about the pull away concept. I've never been able to do it myself but will actually in the coming days.
Like you guys, typically when I pull away, I pull away. As in 'I'm so over this person I don't give a hoot whether he comes back or not.' It's over completely with no way in hell this will rekindle. When I was much younger and inexperienced in relationships and had no clue about human psychology, I'd play games though I didn't know that's what I was doing. It was almost like a knee-jerk reaction, let me break up with him so that he does what I want. Or let me not call him for weeks so I'll force his hand, instead of sitting down and actually communicating my needs, fears, what have you. I was immature. And I'm happy to say I've grown a bit, in wisdom and certainly in age.
I am not defending any of the the readers who say "pull away, it will draw them closer." I think most of us know when a reader is trying to be genuinely helpful and empowering as opposed to selling manipulative tactics of sorts, promoting game playing. What I take away from that comment, and what I fundamentally believe, is that you can pull away WHEN you're ready to do so because you believe it's the best course of action for YOU. Not to try and prompt a response, not to accelerate some sort of time frame, not to play a game but because it's what you feel you need to do in order to save and protect yourself, come what may. Let go and let God type feeling, though I'm not religious.
This is where I am. Long story short, I had a wonderful partner with whom I was very happy; we were happy albeit we had our issues. He left me six months ago. It was rather abrupt. Down deep I knew he'd be back. And he has returned. We have been talking openly and honestly and however difficult it has been, I appreciate the opportunity for clarity. Maybe we'll survive, maybe we won't. The opportunity has presented itself to me: I can go back in, he has made that clear. But the major issue in our relationship remains and unless he's willing to change that or make amends to address it, then I'm genuinely not interested. I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, I'm not anything, I'm just not interested in this relationship as it is. Right now I'm now buying what he's selling. I've been on that roller coaster and don't want another ticket.
And this is where the 'pull away' comes in for me. I know this is what I need to do. I mean it. Our relationship as it stands is not viable. I want it, but not like this. He may want to try again, but I don't, not how things are right now. That doesn't mean I won't ever want to, it's not over for me in an emotional sense. I just know I cannot do it right now under these circumstances. And I will tell him. I will leave the door open because I genuinely love this person and desire a future with him, but not like this. So I will pull away. No gimmicks, no games. I pull away because it's what I need to do for my own sanity and for my own well-being. I'll pick up the pieces as I have already and move forward with the knowledge and peace of mind that I'm doing the right for me. If he can do what he needs to do in order for my needs to be met, and before I check out completely in an emotional sense, then great. And if not, then so be it.
So simple to write but so very difficult to get to this point. I hope this makes sense.
wow great post. I totally agree. Pulling away to draw them closer to provoke a reaction is never a good thing. But pulling away for your own sanity and to draw your own boundaries is a GREAT thing. I truly hope it all works out for you
I've had several readers tell me to express myself to POI, tell him how I feel, reassure him, express my needs and I KNOW that is not the right course of action with this individual. He is the type to withdraw into his shell when expectations are placed on him and he's emotionally stunted to boot. I know the right course of action with him is not to engage, not to fight with him, not to express anything until he does first.
In the past, I had expressed myself and it didn't get me anywhere, so I'm done with that. I have no issue being nice to him, but not putting my heart on my the table anymore either.
