Met with POI and left confused

[Deedee123]

I can’t seem to figure him out... and it’s driving me insane.

My POI called me Saturday and asked me to meet him for drinks. We literally had an amazing time just seeing each other after 3 months. We had maybe 2 beers and he said “I still love you” and I said I know you do, I still love you too. Then he said he wants the best for me and if it’s him then so be it... okay. He also said if he were to get me pregnant then he’d drop everything for me and the baby and that I should know that he’d do that for me.
Later we end up hooking up and multiple times during he told me how much he loves me and is in love with me. He told me how much he missed me. Blah blah.
He texted me the next morning and said “so no chance you’re pregnant right?” And I’m like fucking furious because.,, what the fuck.?!! Like he literally fucking is confusing me to a t.
Then he said people can be in love with each other and not be together while we were laying next to each other for 4 hours.... and I’m just like so confused and so hurt and I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling defeated and used even though I know he’s in love with me. Ugh... I don’t know how to give up or move on. I truly don’t. I’ve spent 8 years with him and left him because I thought that was what I wanted. And I feel guilty. And we’re both still in love with each other. I sent him a long text and he didn’t answer. He leaves in 6 days to finish his contract job out of state which ends in March. Readers keep telling me we get back together but I’m just so unsure at this point. Leanne Halyburton - I had a final reading with her a few days ago because I’m moving on from readings and leaving them in 2018, she says that around July time, a relationship develops with someone I know and it’ll be that it didn’t work before because of timing and circumstances but a relationship where we are comfortable and not overthinking things and also says I talk about moving with someone of my POIs description but I literally just don’t know how to hold on? How to let go? I just don’t fucking know anymore. I don’t want to feel the way I do anymore but I also don’t want him to think I’m giving up either? I don’t know.

I just needed to vent and maybe hear what someone else has to say regarding love and relationships because I’m truly lost and mind fucked at this point.

[bstalling]

Nothing seems confusing when I read your post. Like Leanne said, timing and circumstances are wrong. Its clear you and your POI have poor communication...you should be asking him these questions. You want to know the future for sure, but it seems you don't really want to make a stand as well. Put your cards on the table and see what happens. Its clear to me your relationship isnt going to be A, B, C like you want it to. Maybe accept that for now and prioritize other things in your life if you can?

[Deedee123]

Nothing seems confusing when I read your post. Like Leanne said, timing and circumstances are wrong. Its clear you and your POI have poor communication...you should be asking him these questions. You want to know the future for sure, but it seems you don't really want to make a stand as well. Put your cards on the table and see what happens. Its clear to me your relationship isnt going to be A, B, C like you want it to. Maybe accept that for now and prioritize other things in your life if you can?

I guess you’re right. The communication is poor, but it was great Saturday. I sent a long message and nothing... I have asked him these questions and I don’t get anything in return. I’m trying to accept that it just can’t work now anyways because he’s working a contract job but at the same time, I just wish I knew what was going to happen when he was done. I asked and he doesn’t even know where he’s going to be working after. He might be going to another site. He might be staying in the south and getting a full time job there so he isn’t worried about jumping from contract to contract. I know I need to just focus on my life and really not worry about him but it’s just difficult and I’m really struggling because I’ve thought about him every day since he’s left, haven’t seen him since September and then he calls me as soon as he comes home for drinks and tells me how much he’s still in love with me. But when I’m serious and asking these questions like “will we ever be together again?”, he ignores me. He hasn’t answered me. Is it timing? Or is it he really doesn’t want to be with me? That’s what I’m mostly confused about.

[LAW1974]

@DeeDee - sorry you are dealing with this... I am sure many of us can honestly relate!  As BStalling said timing is everything! 

You must take him at his word and honestly just try and have faith:). My ex and I had a crazy connection but I pushed him away BECAUSE I am a person who likes to know answers (I mean were women, we like to have relationships defined).  He was going thru so much at the time and honestly men dont really like us pressuring them for answers!  It actually pushes them away!  Try and keep busy and live your life.  You can choose to date others or focus on other areas of your life!  The less you pressure him to give you commitment and the more he sees that you are happy with YOU, the more likely he is to commit! 

[Deedee123]

@DeeDee - sorry you are dealing with this... I am sure many of us can honestly relate!  As BStalling said timing is everything! 

You must take him at his word and honestly just try and have faith:). My ex and I had a crazy connection but I pushed him away BECAUSE I am a person who likes to know answers (I mean were women, we like to have relationships defined).  He was going thru so much at the time and honestly men dont really like us pressuring them for answers!  It actually pushes them away!  Try and keep busy and live your life.  You can choose to date others or focus on other areas of your life!  The less you pressure him to give you commitment and the more he sees that you are happy with YOU, the more likely he is to commit!

Thanks so much for responding. It’s just super hard as you know. I know he’s in love with me. I know he cares but he can’t make the commitment and it’s driving me insane. It’s been this was since March and I feel like I have nothing to worry about and we will be together again but there’s always that small voice yelling at me saying to focus on myself and screw anyone who doesn’t put me first. But I’m struggling. Plus, I know him, and he doesn’t show his emotions or talk about them so even when he says “we can be in love but not be together” I’m like... does he really not ever wanna be together? Or does he? So I’m constantly confused. So I tried again today to get a definite answer and it was more like “we’re still in love and you know it, don’t ignore me so I’m not sitting here wondering and going back and forth with it, but do you ever wanna be together again or not?” And he didn’t respond. And of course he still watches my Instagram story daily when he doesn’t even follow me, but he can do that but can’t answer a simple text? It drives me insane and I’m trying to react in this awful way because I know that’s not going to fix anything or make anything better. But now I just feel used almost, and who knows if he will text me or want to see me before he flies back to where he’s working. I just hate this battle and I feel like even if I did date but he’d want to be together, I’d give up everything to be with him because he’s the only person that’s ever felt like home to me. We were together for 8 years. I don’t know, but I’m struggling. I’m trying not to let it bother me but it truly does. Sorry for the vent! I’m just ... emotionally exhausted.

[cake101]

All I can say from my experience with my poi is that guys are weird, and that love sucks and makes no sense lol. I'm going through a similar state of confusion with my poi also. We are hanging out again, it's great, we have tons of fun, it's like we never took a 9 month break. But he's a free man still and hearing him talk about dating other women kills me inside and I hate the uncertainty of if he's hanging around other women. I've talked to him about us and when we talk about what happened things seem really promising just from the things he tells me regarding what happened between us. But he's adamant we are just friends and hanging out. It really sucks and it's tough. But for him he is going through some things right now and has told me he doesn't want the distraction of a relationship right now.
For me to hold on to what could be a hopeless situation that will hurt me in the end. I am hanging on because I really love the guy for who he is and I really value his happiness. Wish it could be with me lol but I want him to be happy. So I know I want to be in his life. Communication was our problem so I'm trying to be more open in letting him know my feelings and intentions. But at the same time taking a chill pill and just enjoying the time we are having in the moment. I agree with not asking too many questions about what is it because that does push them away. For my situation also, as addicted to readings as I am lol, I never really listened to the psychics advice. They told me ohhh he'll reach out don't contact him blah blah blah. Eventually after 5 months I couldn't take it and caved and contacted him. And so far my own intuition has been serving me much better. I use the psychics to get more of an idea of what's going on in his head in this moment, mainly to just keep my overthinking tendencies under control.
The only advice I can give is follow your heart, but also your gut. I couldn't actually move on from the way things ended and that's why I had my pull to make contact and hold on to it. If you truly love him and being with him is something you want all you can do is give it time. Enjoy the moments for what they are and keep in touch. All you can do is throw your cards down and spell it out to him what you would like to see happen but also keeping chill and indifferent at the same time. Be his friend, show him the fun you use to have and what he's missing out on. As that connection you guys once had builds again things will get better. You can't build that overnight. But also don't let yourself get too deep, take time for yourself and enjoy yourself to. I think one thought that's helped me is to remember you can't make them love you, and you can't make them want to be with you. I believe if it's really meant to be it will work out you just have to trust the process. And if it doesn't well you just hope that women he winds up with at the end of the day will love him as much as you do.
Sincerely a person who is 99% sure I'm going to wind up a lonely cat lady for the rest of my life if I don't end up with my guy lol.

Mine is different though in the sense that he broke up with me and at least I can see him whenever. Yours living out of town makes it much harder for sure. It's going to take time and conversations. There might be reasons why behind this and only time will make him open up more. Also for me if I text my guy touchy feely questions he ignores me to. I save them for when i'm talking to him on the phone or in person, he's pretty good about discussing it with me then. But everyone is different and hard to say when you  don't know the guy. If mine told me that and texted me that the next morning I'd think he was joking with the joke being hoping I was preggers so he could drop it all to be there for me.

[star1]

It really seems to me that your POI is playing mind games with you in my opinion, but perhaps not intentionally. See by laying next to you, sleeping with you and meeting with you then saying "people can love each other and not be together" is going to mess with your head. It seems clearly he loves you, but he seems to be putting other things in his life infront of you when he could be putting you first, more. I completely agree that it'd be good for you to move on, it's not fair for you to wait around whilst he makes his mind up or plays mind games with you whilst he decides what he wants to do. He's had ample opportunity to decide and say he wants you back, but like the above poster said you need to be firm with him and say, "look let's cut to the chase, what are you wanting with me?". It is unfair to keep you hanging whilst he decides what he wants. You said he's done this since March, I think if he really wanted to make things happen he would have taken those steps in these 9 months to make that clear. You can't wait around for the hopes he will come back when he's ready in his time. I really would move on, date around or not but keep busy and no more readings on him if possible.. The thing is, he does love you so I think if he really wanted to, even if he is busy with his career that never stopped him before? I really think you're dealing with a guy who isn't sure of what he wants. We don't know if he has met up with other women since or if there's another woman around him that he might not be telling you about, he could be confused. I know Yona mentioned you another woman that likes him more than he likes her back. I'm not mentioning another woman to worry you, but who knows what is going on because he seems very confused and perhaps even not wanting any commitment with anybody..

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you. I know we don't contact each other anymore, but I hope you have a nice Christmas.

[josh34]

Put your cards on the table and see what happens.

This made me chuckle. Because psychic forum.

OP, just as they said, its clear they love you, but if you dont mind me saying, communication is important. Instead of getting angry with him because you can't understand where he's coming from, let him know that you're confused about what he's saying and its affecting you negatively, or something, then see what you both can do to communicate better and come to common ground. I don't think its fair for you to be angry with him over that, but at the same time, communication could be better from both sides from what im reading. If you are feeling a certain way, and he really loves you, then instead of getting angry, let him know how you're feeling, and let him know why you're upset with what he said as opposed to what you had. Communication is key.


Merry Christmas!

[sawthelight]

I couldn’t be friends with someone I have intense feelings for. I did try with first poi when it was obvious he wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. But in the end it was too painful for me to have him in my life. I had to move on because having him in my life was causing me too much pain.

I kept hanging on to what the psychics told me, that eventually he would come around, but he never did.

I would cave and contact him when I knew I should’ve stayed away, but I finally got it through my thick head to stop lol. Took a long time though. It’s funny because last time he contacted me, I remember a strong inner voice telling me not to respond. And I didn’t, so I’m proud of myself for that at least. I’m sure he would have been happy to keep me in his life on his terms, but that wasn’t working for me.

[Kat23]

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you.

Well said..

 this man has 8 years to make up his mind about you and make an honest woman  out of you...is he confused? Maybe and maybe not... he can love you but he is not in love with you..decide what's in your best interest...to stay and wait till he is "ready" or move on and live your life..

[Kat23]

I couldn’t be friends with someone I have intense feelings for. I did try with first poi when it was obvious he wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. But in the end it was too painful for me to have him in my life. I had to move on because having him in my life was causing me too much pain.

I kept hanging on to what the psychics told me, that eventually he would come around, but he never did.

I would cave and contact him when I knew I should’ve stayed away, but I finally got it through my thick head to stop lol. Took a long time though. It’s funny because last time he contacted me, I remember a strong inner voice telling me not to respond. And I didn’t, so I’m proud of myself for that at least. I’m sure he would have been happy to keep me in his life on his terms, but that wasn’t working for me.

It is as though you were reading me...

[star1]

I just feel if a man really wanted to make moves, he's had all year to decide what he wanted with you.

Well said..

 this man has 8 years to make up his mind about you and make an honest woman  out of you...is he confused? Maybe and maybe not... he can love you but he is not in love with you..decide what's in your best interest...to stay and wait till he is "ready" or move on and live your life..

I completely agree. There's no excuse. I personally if I love a man I'd do anything for him, I am a very romantic person as it is but I would make things clear and leave the ball in his court, so it appears to me like he's messing you about. Yes - he is in the army and a busy guy but so are many thousands of others who have partners back home. He seems to be playing mind games if I'm being honest. Sleeping with you and going for drinks then saying two people can love each other but not be together.. I don't think that's very fair on the OP who could have opportunities to be with someone who actually will put her first and make time for her. Even though they were together for 8 years doesn't excuse his behaviour to the OP, I know all relationships have ups and downs but it seems to be quite bumpy. All the readers told me my ex loves and is coming back and look at me, DeeDee123 he didn't come back did he?

And also I've blocked guys and ignored them and if they were really keen would contact me, there's no excuse. Men generally do make it clear if they're interested. They can be weird creatures but they show in their own weird and wonderful ways.

[star1]

I couldn’t be friends with someone I have intense feelings for. I did try with first poi when it was obvious he wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. But in the end it was too painful for me to have him in my life. I had to move on because having him in my life was causing me too much pain.

I kept hanging on to what the psychics told me, that eventually he would come around, but he never did.

I would cave and contact him when I knew I should’ve stayed away, but I finally got it through my thick head to stop lol. Took a long time though. It’s funny because last time he contacted me, I remember a strong inner voice telling me not to respond. And I didn’t, so I’m proud of myself for that at least. I’m sure he would have been happy to keep me in his life on his terms, but that wasn’t working for me.

STL I agree, I've never been able to keep friends as exes. There's always jealousy from both sides, even if they don't want to be with you they don't like the thought of someone else being in your life. I find it virtually impossible to keep in touch with an ex, especially when feelings are still involved.

I am sure that the ex POI who I have just stopped calling psychics about had commitment issues. I do believe he had feelings for me at some point *sometimes*. But he reminds me of OP's situation where he wanted to keep me hanging for "just incase", but also didn't want any commitments with me.

[sawthelight]

I couldn’t be friends with someone I have intense feelings for. I did try with first poi when it was obvious he wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. But in the end it was too painful for me to have him in my life. I had to move on because having him in my life was causing me too much pain.

I kept hanging on to what the psychics told me, that eventually he would come around, but he never did.

I would cave and contact him when I knew I should’ve stayed away, but I finally got it through my thick head to stop lol. Took a long time though. It’s funny because last time he contacted me, I remember a strong inner voice telling me not to respond. And I didn’t, so I’m proud of myself for that at least. I’m sure he would have been happy to keep me in his life on his terms, but that wasn’t working for me.

STL I agree, I've never been able to keep friends as exes. There's always jealousy from both sides, even if they don't want to be with you they don't like the thought of someone else being in your life. I find it virtually impossible to keep in touch with an ex, especially when feelings are still involved.

I am sure that the ex POI who I have just stopped calling psychics about had commitment issues. I do believe he had feelings for me at some point *sometimes*. But he reminds me of OP's situation where he wanted to keep me hanging for "just incase", but also didn't want any commitments with me.

Exactly!  I know he would get jealous, and I couldn’t stand the thought of hearing he was interested in someone else either. That’s how I knew a friendship would never work.

It’s a horrible situation to be in....I still miss him but I know I did the right thing.

[star1]

I couldn’t be friends with someone I have intense feelings for. I did try with first poi when it was obvious he wasn’t looking for any kind of commitment. But in the end it was too painful for me to have him in my life. I had to move on because having him in my life was causing me too much pain.

I kept hanging on to what the psychics told me, that eventually he would come around, but he never did.

I would cave and contact him when I knew I should’ve stayed away, but I finally got it through my thick head to stop lol. Took a long time though. It’s funny because last time he contacted me, I remember a strong inner voice telling me not to respond. And I didn’t, so I’m proud of myself for that at least. I’m sure he would have been happy to keep me in his life on his terms, but that wasn’t working for me.

STL I agree, I've never been able to keep friends as exes. There's always jealousy from both sides, even if they don't want to be with you they don't like the thought of someone else being in your life. I find it virtually impossible to keep in touch with an ex, especially when feelings are still involved.

I am sure that the ex POI who I have just stopped calling psychics about had commitment issues. I do believe he had feelings for me at some point *sometimes*. But he reminds me of OP's situation where he wanted to keep me hanging for "just incase", but also didn't want any commitments with me.

Exactly!  I know he would get jealous, and I couldn’t stand the thought of hearing he was interested in someone else either. That’s how I knew a friendship would never work.

It’s a horrible situation to be in....I still miss him but I know I did the right thing.

You definitely did the right thing if you feel better and more relieved already, hope you have a lovely Christmas!