Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

So what is it really all about?

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sawthelight:

--- Quote from: Still tired on December 06, 2018, 07:54:13 PM ---
--- Quote from: attaboy on December 06, 2018, 06:08:19 PM ---Do you have friends or know of people that get dumped and they are completely fine after it?  Like the very next day it's like nothing even happened?  You think, holy crap, you just got dumped and you were in a 3-year relationshi p!  I would be DEVASTATED!! 

--- End quote ---

I don't know anyone like that...and that sounds shallow to me, or like someone with serious character issues. Maybe an urbanite kind of thing. Not something I would aspire to in any case. There's a nice place in between being devastated, and acting like nothing happened. I think acting like nothing happened is just as indicative of attachment problems, as not being able to let go, maybe more so.

There are lots of reasons why people feel like they may not find love again. People have unique qualities that are not interchange able or replaceable . When you lose that, it is normal to grieve for awhile. Life circumstanc es may be different after you break up with someone. We all get older or may feel less attractive at some point. I have health issues and I don't have much energy for a relationshi p right now. Maybe I won't ever feel up to it again. Life gives us opportuniti es we never expect, so you never know, but life also takes opportuniti es away mercilessly as time passes. That's why I still post here, to say to people, don't do what I did, because in the end you will wonder what you missed out on while you were getting readings. Life is too short to spend it focusing on someone who is not there.

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yes, I agree.  I can't see walking away from a relationshi p that you invested time and emotions in, and just being all "hey I'm ok" a day later..it's normal to grieve and feel loss and sad..and anyone who doesn't sounds like a very cold person.

daughterofcups - P:

--- Quote from: attaboy on December 06, 2018, 01:02:48 PM ---
I haven't taken any formal psychology courses.  I'm not trained in psychology, but I do read articles, talk to people, and my god, I'm a thinker.  I analyze and think way too much!  I observe people, talk to them, etc...etc.. .

What I have come to realize is I know WAY more about psychology than most licensed therapists that have master's degrees know.  I have stories of going into appointment s, talking to the therapist, and having them become super defensive with me because they knew just by the way I talked to them I knew way more than they did.  This made them uncomfortab le and after asking them some difficult questions that probably brought up unresolved trauma from their past I was politely asked to leave and that we wouldn't be a good fit to work together.  Gee!  I wonder if this person ever did work on improving themselves or resolved their trauma.  My guess is no.  These people have no business being therapists.  It's like every time I see a fat/heavy/obese doctor I just cannot trust them or respect them.  They are in the medical profession, treating and providing advice to patients, yet they don't even take care of themselves. 

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So i agree with most of what youre saying but this actually is super wrong and very much bothers me. I spent 6 years studying clinical psychology and have a masters degree and am a full time therapist. You do not know better than a therapist. You dont. There are many different types of therapies and not all therapists are created equal. You likely havent tried every style and kind of therapy, and you also do not possess the experience or basis of learned knowledge for this. Like at all. I can tell by how youre describing your “knowledge”. Half of this is incorrect. Also- yes, attachment style is very relevant, but it does not explain everything, by any means. There are a multitude of factors and theoretical backgeounds that relate to how we function in relationshi ps- and not everything is object relations based (your relationshi p with your parents)- thats an extremely narrow and freudian view, and is basically archaeic. You have zero understandi ng of mental illness outside of basic understandi ngs of human psych 101, and no you are not smarter than all your therapists, which by the way you should know they probably picked up on that themselves without you knowing and wrote it into your treatment plan. If you want more explanation or elaboration on my part in this as someone who’s actually studied this please let me know. Until you spend time working with schizophren ic patients, nonverbal patients, or people who have survived incestual sex abuse and severe trauma- please do not hop out the gate saying this. As a woman im not surprised, but its super tiring to hear.

daughterofcups - P:

--- Quote from: Still tired on December 07, 2018, 01:57:46 PM ---
--- Quote from: daughterofcups - P on December 07, 2018, 12:32:13 PM ---...and no you are not smarter than all your therapists. ..
--- End quote ---

You don't know that. The average iq of psychologis ts is around 110. Most people don't even really comprehend intelligenc e more than about one standard deviation higher than their own. Maybe 2 deviations at best, but the ability to relate is really anyway strained at that gap. In most professions, competency and training matter more than compatibili ty. Iq is a good predictor of competency but I mean it doesn't matter if the person fixing your car is less intelligent than you are, so long as they know what they are doing. When it comes to minds, though, and talk therapy, it is tedious to talk to a therapist with a significant ly lower iq.

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Well if you knew much about psychology you’d know IQ isnt used in any psychologic al basis, at all, or taken seriously in the mental health care world. Its not seen as an accurrate measure anymore. Also, IQ is not emotional intelligenc e, which is what actually matters in the professions . Psychopaths and narcissists can have high IQ’s, and they would also be shit therapists for obvious reasons.
I know what youre saying, and sure there are probably dumb therapists out there believe me i get it “surface level” pinterest advice is annoying as hell, but people dont go to school for 6 years and dedicate their entire lives to clinical research just for one guy who thinks they “get it” to come in and off the bat be like “yo i know more than this person!!”.. which is why i said those same therapists he claimed are dumb with “unresolved trauma” likely know he thinks hes smarter than them  before he even had the thought. Trust me, i see this all the time, and its usually adolescents or people with a development al level of an adolscent with a lot of trust issues and trauma, and its a defense from vulnerabili ty, and its one of the easiest things to spot. Therapists are 9/10 much more observant and aware than people assume, and are just really great at not coming off condescendi ng because that would be idiotic. Do you know how many times a day i “play dumb” to serve a therapeutic purpose? A lot lol. but as far as pure understandi ng and academic knowledge- no he does not know better and is not smarter than a therapist. he doesnt have the educational background, at all, nor the experience and like i said based on his speaking on it alone , that much is obvious to me.


See. I get it, because ive been to therapists who are a little slower moving than me, i process things quickly and am very self aware- which this person probably is- so someone saying something to me like “using I feel statements is better!” To me is like okay lol, no shit. I need to dig deeper than basic advice.. however I wouldnt chalk that up to the therapists intelligenc e, but rather their approach/ personal therapuetic style.

 Its a bit like an adolescent who argued with his internation al law professor because he saw a few youtube videos, and thinks theyre smarter than their dumb ol’ parents at age 14. Or a student who took econ 101 and now thinks they can fix the economy. If anything it shows an issue with authority and a deep distrust and fear of rejection/ vulnerabili ty, but i wont get into that right now.

ladya:

--- Quote from: daughterofcups - P on December 07, 2018, 05:55:15 PM ---
--- Quote from: Still tired on December 07, 2018, 01:57:46 PM ---
--- Quote from: daughterofcups - P on December 07, 2018, 12:32:13 PM ---...and no you are not smarter than all your therapists. ..
--- End quote ---

You don't know that. The average iq of psychologis ts is around 110. Most people don't even really comprehend intelligenc e more than about one standard deviation higher than their own. Maybe 2 deviations at best, but the ability to relate is really anyway strained at that gap. In most professions, competency and training matter more than compatibili ty. Iq is a good predictor of competency but I mean it doesn't matter if the person fixing your car is less intelligent than you are, so long as they know what they are doing. When it comes to minds, though, and talk therapy, it is tedious to talk to a therapist with a significant ly lower iq.

--- End quote ---


Well if you knew much about psychology you’d know IQ isnt used in any psychologic al basis, at all, or taken seriously in the mental health care world. Its not seen as an accurrate measure anymore. Also, IQ is not emotional intelligenc e, which is what actually matters in the professions . Psychopaths and narcissists can have high IQ’s, and they would also be shit therapists for obvious reasons.
I know what youre saying, and sure there are probably dumb therapists out there believe me i get it “surface level” pinterest advice is annoying as hell, but people dont go to school for 6 years and dedicate their entire lives to clinical research just for one guy who thinks they “get it” to come in and off the bat be like “yo i know more than this person!!”.. which is why i said those same therapists he claimed are dumb with “unresolved trauma” likely know he thinks hes smarter than them  before he even had the thought. Trust me, i see this all the time, and its usually adolescents or people with a development al level of an adolscent with a lot of trust issues and trauma, and its a defense from vulnerabili ty, and its one of the easiest things to spot. Therapists are 9/10 much more observant and aware than people assume, and are just really great at not coming off condescendi ng because that would be idiotic. Do you know how many times a day i “play dumb” to serve a therapeutic purpose? A lot lol. but as far as pure understandi ng and academic knowledge- no he does not know better and is not smarter than a therapist. he doesnt have the educational background, at all, nor the experience and like i said based on his speaking on it alone , that much is obvious to me.


See. I get it, because ive been to therapists who are a little slower moving than me, i process things quickly and am very self aware- which this person probably is- so someone saying something to me like “using I feel statements is better!” To me is like okay lol, no shit. I need to dig deeper than basic advice.. however I wouldnt chalk that up to the therapists intelligenc e, but rather their approach/ personal therapuetic style.

 Its a bit like an adolescent who argued with his internation al law professor because he saw a few youtube videos, and thinks theyre smarter than their dumb ol’ parents at age 14. Or a student who took econ 101 and now thinks they can fix the economy. If anything it shows an issue with authority and a deep distrust and fear of rejection/ vulnerabili ty, but i wont get into that right now.

--- End quote ---

I agree with this post. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. People nowadays think they can watch a video or read an article and claim they know more than a licensed professiona l who spent years of their life studying the actual craft. I see it all the time and the funny part when you’ve dedicated time to a particular field you know how much it took and respect other people in other fields and what they have to say. It’s like a kid with a bunch of books on how to get rich telling a millionaire how he should go about making a million. Too many critics with no credentials as I like to say.

Dreamer23:
I don't think therapists should be viewed as people who know more than you or who are smarter than you. They should be seen as allies, helping you figure out how to help yourself. Therapy can be very helpful but you have to trust in the process and trust in the therapist.

It shouldn't be a competition of who is better than who. And yes, most therapists have issues themselves which make them good therapists because they can relate to others.

Like in any profession, there are bad ones out there too.

The most important healing aspect of therapy is the relationshi p you develop with your therapist. Uncondition al positive regard should be something very present in the room, and yes some can be judgmental and act superior. Time to find a different one.

I know people whose lives have changed drastically because of therapy. So, at the end of the day, I think therapists help more than they hurt people.

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