Shaman kiri

[Miss Philosopher]

Hell, I get readings cause I don't trust a damned thing that my ex says. He's said he loved me oh so much, said this that and the other, but his behavior doesn't match and I don't believe shit he says. So, I basically call psychics to confirm what my own gut says because it's really hard for me to determine the difference between my own emotions/fears/thoughts and my intuition. SK point blank said he does NOT love me, rather just loves me being available to him for whenever he wants and I believe that to be true. SK would not agree with me that he was a narcissist and said she didn't want to label him as such, but this dude's behavior fits every single thing of a covert narcissist and he was the same way with his ex wife of 10 years, so I gotta go with what I see with that. Kisha has told me many times that there's love there and he has feelings blah blah. I WANTED to believe her but I just don't feel that way.

Moral of my two cents is, sometimes a person can tell you all kinds of shit. Words mean nothing without action. The real question is, what is the person SHOWING you, how are they TREATING you...........that's the only thing that I will base things off of now. Huge lesson learned for me.

[ShootingStar]

I am so sorry that is the case with him. My dad is a narcissist so I understand the idea of someone not really loving you but just wanting you to be available to them in whatever way. I am really impressed that sK picked this up and how honest she was about it. Especially since it is what you believe in your gut to be true and resonates as true to you. Though it really sucks that is how things are, it’s refreshing to know she really does just tell you the truth. It definitely makes me trust her more. It doesn’t do you any favors for other readers to lead you to believe there are more feelings than there are! You should be given all the information so you can make an informed decision for how to live your life and be able to move on.

[Miss Philosopher]

I am so sorry that is the case with him. My dad is a narcissist so I understand the idea of someone not really loving you but just wanting you to be available to them in whatever way. I am really impressed that sK picked this up and how honest she was about it. Especially since it is what you believe in your gut to be true and resonates as true to you. Though it really sucks that is how things are, it’s refreshing to know she really does just tell you the truth. It definitely makes me trust her more. It doesn’t do you any favors for other readers to lead you to believe there are more feelings than there are! You should be given all the information so you can make an informed decision for how to live your life and be able to move on.

I'm sorry that your own dad is a narcissist. That's gotta be really really tough. I do feel like narcissists are capable of having feelings for people, even love. BUT, the way they love isn't healthy and it's always self serving. It's the old "I love you if........." thing. It's a selfish type of love and I believe they don't really know how to love someone outside of their own selves. But I do feel they are capable and probably do have feelings but don't know how to show it, what to do with it, how to behave, how to get outside of themselves, how to self reflect, how to change, how to humble themselves and honestly, I think most of that is out of fear. Fear of being "weak" or vulnerable. Narcs have low self esteem and no sense of self which is why they drain everyone else in an attempt to seek that out and feel "fulfilled" and "whole". Chances are, narcs are narcs because as children they were either OVERLY spoiled or completely neglected left to fend for themselves and so they were taught from a young age to only look out for themselves and therefore, they have no idea how to look out for someone else or what it even means to do so. I do believe narcs can change and can be helped but ONLY with some seriously thorough psychotherapy for a long period of time.

Yeah Shaman Kira kept it real. I appreciated that and felt everything she said was completely true. It didn't hurt me when she said it either. It would have years ago, but I didn't feel anything. I giggled to myself already knowing dude has issues. I actually feel sorry for him to some extent. I wish dude wasn't a narc but it is what it is and it's a blessing that things are the way they are at this time. I'm just waitin for this new guy to come in that everyone keeps seeing appear in April. Hopefully he isn't a narc too. LOL

[star1]

Narcs love you until they get what they want, lol.

[Miss Philosopher]

Yep. Then they get bored. They discard you, then they come back at some later point to siphon off you again. That's usually their pattern. Wish they could see how much pain they cause others and feel remorse and stop doing it.

[star1]

Then we're foolish enough to forgive them and take them back..The things we do for love 

[HornetKick]

If they are narcs, why would they see they are causing harm? Knowing they are narcissistic, we recognize they way the operate. Narcs can only see what they are getting from you and they are happy with the results. How many times do people allow others to steal from them and take and take and take. A person can only do things to us that we allow.

[Miss Philosopher]

@Hornet: Yeah you're right. But, I think, at least with me, I think I thought that maybe if I just showed him something different, set the example, then he'd follow suit and change at some point. I'd not really ever dealt with a narc before. When you're new to it, you don't realize it until after they've destroyed you from the inside out. I understand that narcs are not self aware. But I always hoped I could help bring that behavior to his awareness. I will say, he did acknowledge some of his behaviors as being not so great and down right shitty, without apologizing for it of course, but I suppose acknowledgment is the first step. I doubt it will progress past that. It's really hard when you love someone so you allow them to behave in certain ways just hoping that someday they will change, but then after a period of time, you realize they won't. At least, not for you or while with you. It's a painful process to go through but the lessons taken from it are very valuable. What helped me more than anything was this forum, and this book called "Psychopath Free" by Jackson MacKenzie.

I feel bad for anyone who has or is dealing with a narc. It's a life changing and self changing experience. It's also very traumatizing and I hope everyone who is or has had to deal with one heals as quickly as possible.

[star1]

If they are narcs, why would they see they are causing harm? Knowing they are narcissistic, we recognize they way the operate. Narcs can only see what they are getting from you and they are happy with the results. How many times do people allow others to steal from them and take and take and take. A person can only do things to us that we allow.

I think that they know to a degree what they're doing. They don't care about anyone really, it's about ego boosting and getting what they want. From my experience of narcs, they like seeing you hurt and find a way to punish you. It could be something you did yesterday or 5 years ago. They cannot feel empathy which is why they are who they are. Normal people would hurt someone and something in their brain says "that's wrong! You hurt them!".

Do you remember about 2 weeks ago you posted about your friend who's bf manipulated her into skipping her exams to go to something with her and when she got bad grades she moaned to him and he twisted it onto her "I didn't force you to skip it, you were the one who did this and that"? They know what they're doing, they're very smarmy about it, too. It's evil and wicked. They know "if I contact so and so, she's there waiting for me and will help me out. Stupid b-ch", and they will come after you and get what they want, then drop you instantly. They love you until they get what they want "I love her so much for helping me with money, I love that money. But am I in love with her? Hell no. Time to drop her. I got what I wanted".

[Sapphirewaters1]

I have a ex narc that still comes around and now lives in GA (I’m in MA). He popped up via text in mid December wating to try things. I told him he was delusional thinking a LDR was going to work when ours didn’t in the same location. Lol. He keeps trying. We have been on and off since 2012. I’m all set. Not having it. But he try’s.

[Mon]

SK did confirm what I felt from my dream that he is my soulmate and that she does not tell many people that. I know that he really really likes me by his actions and I can read him, he’s always been so truthful too so I’ll believe he loves me. Time will tell.

I’m sorry for anyone dealing with a narcissist </3 my last relationship 3 years ago was with one and god did it traumatize me. I should have known though he never showed me real I’ve even though he said he did the things he did to me... I learned my lesson for sure.

[Miss Philosopher]

I have a ex narc that still comes around and now lives in GA (I’m in MA). He popped up via text in mid December wating to try things. I told him he was delusional thinking a LDR was going to work when ours didn’t in the same location. Lol. He keeps trying. We have been on and off since 2012. I’m all set. Not having it. But he try’s.

That's crazy. That's a mirror of my situation. Known dude since 2011. Were friends for years first and I saw his super selfish behavior back then but, well, you know, I'm a bit of an idiot I suppose for trying the "relationship" thing with him knowing that. Been on and off for so many years now and I'm in the same place you are, not having it. He currently contacts everyday but I don't really care anymore. I assume that your narc ex popped back up again cause he didn't find another worthy "target" lol. These narcs are really nuts. 

[ShootingStar]

I am so sorry that is the case with him. My dad is a narcissist so I understand the idea of someone not really loving you but just wanting you to be available to them in whatever way. I am really impressed that sK picked this up and how honest she was about it. Especially since it is what you believe in your gut to be true and resonates as true to you. Though it really sucks that is how things are, it’s refreshing to know she really does just tell you the truth. It definitely makes me trust her more. It doesn’t do you any favors for other readers to lead you to believe there are more feelings than there are! You should be given all the information so you can make an informed decision for how to live your life and be able to move on.

I'm sorry that your own dad is a narcissist. That's gotta be really really tough. I do feel like narcissists are capable of having feelings for people, even love. BUT, the way they love isn't healthy and it's always self serving. It's the old "I love you if........." thing. It's a selfish type of love and I believe they don't really know how to love someone outside of their own selves. But I do feel they are capable and probably do have feelings but don't know how to show it, what to do with it, how to behave, how to get outside of themselves, how to self reflect, how to change, how to humble themselves and honestly, I think most of that is out of fear. Fear of being "weak" or vulnerable. Narcs have low self esteem and no sense of self which is why they drain everyone else in an attempt to seek that out and feel "fulfilled" and "whole". Chances are, narcs are narcs because as children they were either OVERLY spoiled or completely neglected left to fend for themselves and so they were taught from a young age to only look out for themselves and therefore, they have no idea how to look out for someone else or what it even means to do so. I do believe narcs can change and can be helped but ONLY with some seriously thorough psychotherapy for a long period of time.

Yeah Shaman Kira kept it real. I appreciated that and felt everything she said was completely true. It didn't hurt me when she said it either. It would have years ago, but I didn't feel anything. I giggled to myself already knowing dude has issues. I actually feel sorry for him to some extent. I wish dude wasn't a narc but it is what it is and it's a blessing that things are the way they are at this time. I'm just waitin for this new guy to come in that everyone keeps seeing appear in April. Hopefully he isn't a narc too. LOL

I couldn’t have said it better myself! You explained it perfectly.

[icloud9]

I am so sorry that is the case with him. My dad is a narcissist so I understand the idea of someone not really loving you but just wanting you to be available to them in whatever way. I am really impressed that sK picked this up and how honest she was about it. Especially since it is what you believe in your gut to be true and resonates as true to you. Though it really sucks that is how things are, it’s refreshing to know she really does just tell you the truth. It definitely makes me trust her more. It doesn’t do you any favors for other readers to lead you to believe there are more feelings than there are! You should be given all the information so you can make an informed decision for how to live your life and be able to move on.

I'm sorry that your own dad is a narcissist. That's gotta be really really tough. I do feel like narcissists are capable of having feelings for people, even love. BUT, the way they love isn't healthy and it's always self serving. It's the old "I love you if........." thing. It's a selfish type of love and I believe they don't really know how to love someone outside of their own selves. But I do feel they are capable and probably do have feelings but don't know how to show it, what to do with it, how to behave, how to get outside of themselves, how to self reflect, how to change, how to humble themselves and honestly, I think most of that is out of fear. Fear of being "weak" or vulnerable. Narcs have low self esteem and no sense of self which is why they drain everyone else in an attempt to seek that out and feel "fulfilled" and "whole". Chances are, narcs are narcs because as children they were either OVERLY spoiled or completely neglected left to fend for themselves and so they were taught from a young age to only look out for themselves and therefore, they have no idea how to look out for someone else or what it even means to do so. I do believe narcs can change and can be helped but ONLY with some seriously thorough psychotherapy for a long period of time.

Yeah Shaman Kira kept it real. I appreciated that and felt everything she said was completely true. It didn't hurt me when she said it either. It would have years ago, but I didn't feel anything. I giggled to myself already knowing dude has issues. I actually feel sorry for him to some extent. I wish dude wasn't a narc but it is what it is and it's a blessing that things are the way they are at this time. I'm just waitin for this new guy to come in that everyone keeps seeing appear in April. Hopefully he isn't a narc too. LOL

I actually think my ex fiance is a narc. There is no way he could have actually truly loved me if he cheated on me twice during the relationship. And made me actually completely believe him when he said it was a "mistake." It also feels like he was trying to over compensate with material things with me... He has told me many times that he loves me but it's definitely not the love that I feel is genuine and authentic; especially not the kind of love I DESERVE, which is unconditional and PURE love. Like you said, it feels  self-serving. While I do believe him when he says he loves me I believe he loved me for the validation I gave him. (I was that one that him and all of his friends wanted; but he GOT me. So in a way I give him the "winner" status)
 Although I love him dearly as a person and I care for him, I am glad I called off the wedding. It's hilarious how he is still around and asking me to give him ANOTHER chance I in a way feel like it's a game for him because IMO narcissists enjoy the chase because it's a form of validation for them if they DO get what they were going after. I didn't want to be his wife just to be his status symbol.. I want a man who I can truly share LOVE with. I couldn't give two sh*ts about his millionaire status. He always puts my POI down (my ex and I are friends so we do  keep in touch) whenever he gets a chance... and tells me that I deserve "better" (referring to himself) like he completely dismisses the fact that he cheated on me.
I tell him my POI makes me very happy....THe ex seems to completely disregard that? I wonder if he knows what makes me trly happy??? whatever. He's a fun person, so I will keep him as a friend, but i will NOT believe a word he says when it comes to wanting another chance with me!!
THere was a little bit of a moment I had during the holidays where I felt a little distance with my POI and I was leaning towards my ex a little (was getting manipulated once again!! Lol) but I snapped out of it! haha. NOT TODAY SATAN! lol

[ShootingStar]

I am so sorry that is the case with him. My dad is a narcissist so I understand the idea of someone not really loving you but just wanting you to be available to them in whatever way. I am really impressed that sK picked this up and how honest she was about it. Especially since it is what you believe in your gut to be true and resonates as true to you. Though it really sucks that is how things are, it’s refreshing to know she really does just tell you the truth. It definitely makes me trust her more. It doesn’t do you any favors for other readers to lead you to believe there are more feelings than there are! You should be given all the information so you can make an informed decision for how to live your life and be able to move on.

I'm sorry that your own dad is a narcissist. That's gotta be really really tough. I do feel like narcissists are capable of having feelings for people, even love. BUT, the way they love isn't healthy and it's always self serving. It's the old "I love you if........." thing. It's a selfish type of love and I believe they don't really know how to love someone outside of their own selves. But I do feel they are capable and probably do have feelings but don't know how to show it, what to do with it, how to behave, how to get outside of themselves, how to self reflect, how to change, how to humble themselves and honestly, I think most of that is out of fear. Fear of being "weak" or vulnerable. Narcs have low self esteem and no sense of self which is why they drain everyone else in an attempt to seek that out and feel "fulfilled" and "whole". Chances are, narcs are narcs because as children they were either OVERLY spoiled or completely neglected left to fend for themselves and so they were taught from a young age to only look out for themselves and therefore, they have no idea how to look out for someone else or what it even means to do so. I do believe narcs can change and can be helped but ONLY with some seriously thorough psychotherapy for a long period of time.

Yeah Shaman Kira kept it real. I appreciated that and felt everything she said was completely true. It didn't hurt me when she said it either. It would have years ago, but I didn't feel anything. I giggled to myself already knowing dude has issues. I actually feel sorry for him to some extent. I wish dude wasn't a narc but it is what it is and it's a blessing that things are the way they are at this time. I'm just waitin for this new guy to come in that everyone keeps seeing appear in April. Hopefully he isn't a narc too. LOL

I actually think my ex fiance is a narc. There is no way he could have actually truly loved me if he cheated on me twice during the relationship. And made me actually completely believe him when he said it was a "mistake." It also feels like he was trying to over compensate with material things with me... He has told me many times that he loves me but it's definitely not the love that I feel is genuine and authentic; especially not the kind of love I DESERVE, which is unconditional and PURE love. Like you said, it feels  self-serving. While I do believe him when he says he loves me I believe he loved me for the validation I gave him. (I was that one that him and all of his friends wanted; but he GOT me. So in a way I give him the "winner" status)
 Although I love him dearly as a person and I care for him, I am glad I called off the wedding. It's hilarious how he is still around and asking me to give him ANOTHER chance I in a way feel like it's a game for him because IMO narcissists enjoy the chase because it's a form of validation for them if they DO get what they were going after. I didn't want to be his wife just to be his status symbol.. I want a man who I can truly share LOVE with. I couldn't give two sh*ts about his millionaire status. He always puts my POI down (my ex and I are friends so we do  keep in touch) whenever he gets a chance... and tells me that I deserve "better" (referring to himself) like he completely dismisses the fact that he cheated on me.
I tell him my POI makes me very happy....THe ex seems to completely disregard that? I wonder if he knows what makes me trly happy??? whatever. He's a fun person, so I will keep him as a friend, but i will NOT believe a word he says when it comes to wanting another chance with me!!
THere was a little bit of a moment I had during the holidays where I felt a little distance with my POI and I was leaning towards my ex a little (was getting manipulated once again!! Lol) but I snapped out of it! haha. NOT TODAY SATAN! lol

Hahahaha not today satan! Good for you! Yea they are charmers for sure, which frustrates me to no end because everyone thinks my dad is great when they meet him and think I’m nuts that I complain about him so much lol. He is on his 4th wife and they all married him very quickly. THEN they see but he controls and manipulates after that. Narcs know how to get what they want, that’s for sure. I have been fooled into letting him back in my life too many times but I put my foot down now, glad you have set the boundaries for yourself!