Do any of you think your POI may not come back?

[Rediska]

Have to say I STILL don't think it's as black and white as some people put here.

if the man..lives in your area, you haven't known him long, don't have much of a history/nothing "serious" ish happened - then if he disappears, sure, it means he wasn't that into you/into the idea of a relationship/was more into someone else, whatever. And sometimes the sign that he comes back IS the proof he is in love, or maybe was more in love than he realized. I've had guys come back 3 months, 6 months, 2 years, and now 4 years later - (not talking about the one who i love) - and those guys weren't "in love" but they were "in like" enough to come back when they grew up some.

Trust in your connection if you had one. and YOU are the best judge of that.

I think a LOT of times men who are in more serious situations "disappear" because - honestly - they don't have the natural communication skills/words to explain what they are feeling/thinking in any way that makes "sense" enough for them to tell us that. They also instinctively know we will likely question and try to talk them out of it and will be upset and so all that together the easier thing is to avoid. And it's not always a definitive thing, from what I've seen it's more often because they don't know what they want to do, it's not a "no" but it's not a "yes" and instead of lead someone on they'd rather figure stuff out on their own and come back/hope it works out once that's all taken care of.

Is that right? No. My guy even said that. He's not saying what he did is right, but he did offer the best explanation he could. did he have concerns about us? Yes. So it's not like it was for absolutely no reason. But I also didn't know what the concerns were, and he didn't have the communication skills to tell me.

So I really think the best or most accurate "conclusion" would be - if a guy disappears for no reason you can guess it, it's because he lacks communication skills that would allow him another way of telling you he needs space. And no, they can't tell you for how long. They like you, but can't go forward at that time for whatever reason, and don't want to officially break it off because they know that you ARE someone they could see themselves with.

AND, when they don't hear from us, they also assume we didn't care much anyway. I've had more than one guy say that to me in the past.

Guys are dense, and not as good at picking up at nuance as we are in communication and sensing feelings and otherwise. Just thinking about flirting, half the time they don't realize you're flirting unless you're very direct!

BUT let's not brush over the most important part of this thread - in BOTH of our cases the impetus for moving things forward or at least opening the communication channel was on OUR sides, taking power in our own lives and saying screw the outcome at least I can try. EVEN when well-meaning readers said don't contact or wait for him, etc.

I WILL say it's true what they say, a LOT of a mans sense of worthiness comes from job/career, and until that piece is in place or if he doesn't know where his future is going, a good man won't really feel like he can position a woman there with him. so if you know there's something around that area going on in his life, you can guess - even if it won't make sense to us as women - because to us relationships are what define us - that you are a distant second, maybe even third.

So you could read this and say a smart woman wouldn't want a man like that anyway - well, sure. But falling in love or pining after someone is not a logical thing, it's an emotional thing. And if we could say "I only want to date someone with X emotional intelligence" -- how would you even find that out, before it's "too late"? Rhetorical question.

YES! This EXACTLY describes my situation! You are the only person who see's the other side of situations like these.

Guys, let me say something because I had my POI disappear and there were two reasons for it. First, when I called him out on it via phone call (after he was gone for several months) he was still very much into me. Second, he revealed the reason WHY  there was distance and thus gave me the " but I may call you...." line. If you guys want more details I encourage you to PM me as it'll make more sense. There is someone else in the picture and that has a lot to do with it. And I ain't talking about no girlfriend...

In MY situation, it has nothing to do with "he's not that into you.." and it has nothing to do with me making excuses for him. He knows this himself and even he didn't give me BS excuses. He told me the raw truth thorough and thorough. I got lucky because I think some men tend to feed women with BS just to keep them hooked. I am honest with myself and have no problem revealing if I think someone doesn't like me or doesn't find me attractive, etc. The reasons why I am hesitant of him re-connecting with me is because this man would have to sacrifice his job position and family just to be with me. Oh, and move back to my state. However, going into it he knew this beforehand and still took the risk. Maybe I am insecure or have low self-esteem and despite him being honest and hinting that there could be a future with us, my skeptic side thinks it may be too good to be true despite the words coming out of his month.

So it isn't always so black and white like sunshineluv states. Everyone has different experiences  and we have to try not to lump it into one generalized statement and make a blanket of assumptions. The POI in my case rather keep it in limbo for everything sunshineluv stated (that I edited in bold).

Honestly, you're not making any sense. He keeps you in limbo because he has a job/family/circumstances (whatever....fill in the blank) that is at risk so he can't be with you and knowing this, feels it is ok to keep you waiting in limbo on an impossibility because he can see himself with you some day, out in the distance, some place in time?

Did this guy you're referring to ever come back and you're both now in a committed relationship with each other?

Perhaps it's best if I don't understand this scenario.

I am not "making sense" because I specifically typed in the first paragraph for anyone to PM me as it would make MORE sense regarding my situation. I only put .1% of the situation on to my response post to sunshineluv.

[sunshineluv7]

Oh yeah - my primary person even said he was protecting himself, every time he blanked out on me. So he definitely wasn't thinking about me first. But not everyone is 100% emotionally healthy 100% of the their life.

But it's all decisions we make as far as what we will accept. This guy I have known longer than most marriages last, so I know his character. While he may be screwy in this area of his life right now, for the most part the reason I hung in there is because I have years and years of him being an amazing person and friend to me. And when things are good, they are amazing. Nobody ever truly replaced him, though I did try for ... a long time, before we got romantic the second time. So now, I'm at a place in my life where my dating life is kind of quiet, and I had him working out his "stuff" in the background with some really great romantic rendezvous in the middle, intermittently. there's probably been 3-4 other men I've gone on a handful of dates with since our romantic side picked back up, but, nobody who i wanted to spend more time with. I've been focusing a lot on my career and really just killing it there.

Do I consider myself a doormat? Hell to the no. Did I get back with any guy who came back as I mentioned in that post? Nope. I'd hear them out, maybe go out for a date but usually my feelings were gone and one date is as far as I'd let it go.

Do I think there is a risk of people "making excuses"? Sure. Do I feel I am? I ask myself that sometimes, but at the end of the day I am okay with how I'm handling this - and that's all that matters to me - since at the end of the day it's my life. I still try/tried to keep my options open AND keep him open as an option, and I am fine with that decision. Even though I know it would have to be someone kind of amazing to really make me close the door on him.

So, if his "cave" now lasts ..a while again, I just go right back to what I was doing before.

People aren't perfect. They make mistakes. They do the best they can at the time. And sometimes that "best" is pretty $hitty. Heck, if you look at the way best friends and family members treat each other at times you'd wonder why anyone stays in each other's lives. The answer? Because if there really is love there, then you always forgive. Because that is what love does. It isn't based on what a person does or doesn't do, it's based on the fact that you love that person, and if they are sorry you forgive them -- and do what you can with boundaries to protect yourself as much as you deem necessary.

I have to agree with this. I feel like it's really hard to find someone that you genuinely click with and if you're going out dating other men while having one who has some things going on but you jive well with them everyone will say to go for the guys who are giving you the attention even if the connection isn't strong. I personally wouldn't. I think everyone's situation is different and things aren't as black and white as it may seem. i have been in situations where i swore i never put myself in but did end up in anyways. Just because someone is all about you and doing all the things a man should be doing doesn't automatically make him a better catch if you feel an ok connection with them. i think men are very complicated in that they run when they're scared no matter the age. They're not like females who express themselves more easily. If i find a deep connection with someone im more willing to deal with their shit even if i so called deserve a man who gives me all their attention and is ready. You just have to know the type of man youre dealing with and whether hes just playing you or he has things going on. You can call these excuses but if i have a man thats treating me like a queen and i'm not feeling a really strong connection with them i probably won't give them the time of day even though to everyone else he can be an amazing catch. Life isn't that simple and dating is definitely not that simple especially nowadays. Everyone's got issues - you just have to know what youre willing to put up with and don't be a doormat or compromise who you are and your needs/wants.

DITTO !! And now come the "well why do we not feel a connection with me that treat us well" comments. BUT - that's the difference between a friend and a romantic interest. Hopefully our friends (of all sexes) treat us well. Do we want to date/marry them all? Nah, or they wouldn't be "friends".

[Wildheart81]

You get the love you think you deserve and the love that you allow.

I am guy and I have to say the above statement is soo true for anyone. I wasted too much time on a flaky girl who is so screwed up. She pretended to like me (To this day have no idea if she ever did like me or not).

Being psychic and hearing from friends I figured out that 1) She is narcistic - Feeds off of attention no matter how she gets it.
                                                                                         2)Everything is always about her and or what is in it for her
                                                                                         3) She dates men for the financial benefits
                                                                                         4) Flip flops on everything- Took an engagement ring and then strung him along                                                                                         
                                                                                          for 5 years before she admitted she used him for money and sparkly gifts
                                                                                         5) Lies about everything and or exagerates things.

I WASTED  soo much time with psychics and listening to people who knew her telling me loved me etc. I asked her out for a coffee TWO Years ago and even when she said yes she NEVER met me. Anytime I gave a date she had an excuse.

If someone really loved you they would be there. NOTHING would stop them.

Please anyone on here obsessing over someone move on. It is not worth your self respect or time. I know because I wasted years on a woman who wouldn't even have crossed the street for me (Unless of course there was money involved).

I am so ashamed and angry at myself for being this foolish but I have learned the lesson that you what you allow will continue and  that You get you allow or think you deserve.

[Rediska]

I am so sorry wildheart

[Baypark1]

I've doubted for a while that the readings I've gotten were wrong and my gut was telling me different in addition to the current reality.  So, I've been trying to move on, not getting readings and focusing on me.  Tonight I was bored, a little anxious etc so I called someone I've never heard of.  Her bio sounded awesome so I thought what the hell, I'll try her. Dawn001 is her name.   She is the first person that told me the POI has closed the door and she doesn't see him coming back.  Strangely enough,  I've been wanting someone to just flat out tell me it done but no one has. My heart sank a little and I was little teary eyes but I knew what she was saying was right.  I've known it but all the other readers kept me holding on.  My experience is if one or two people say nothing will happen and 100 say it will, the 1 or 2 that said it's done, have been right.  It confuses me as to why 100 readers predictions don't come to pass but it happens.  Most all of them said I will have a choice when he does come back and I have been trying to give this new guy a chance.  I keep pushing him away, I think because of fear, but he keeps popping into my mind at random, so I'm taking that as the universe, God, angels etc slapping me upside the head and saying "hey dumbass, here's a good one! Let go of the asshole" lol. Maybe that's why I found this reader tonight so I could hear that its done. 

I think it's important we listen to our intuition.  It's usually right where the psychics are not

[moonlight412]

Oh God! At least 70-80 have told me that my POI will come back and I will have a choice with my POi now and there will be a new guy.. nothing has happened yet.. but you are so right, I think I should just focus on myself and not rely too much on waitiing for anyone to come in

[Shayalay]

Oh yeah - my primary person even said he was protecting himself, every time he blanked out on me. So he definitely wasn't thinking about me first. But not everyone is 100% emotionally healthy 100% of the their life.

But it's all decisions we make as far as what we will accept. This guy I have known longer than most marriages last, so I know his character. While he may be screwy in this area of his life right now, for the most part the reason I hung in there is because I have years and years of him being an amazing person and friend to me. And when things are good, they are amazing. Nobody ever truly replaced him, though I did try for ... a long time, before we got romantic the second time. So now, I'm at a place in my life where my dating life is kind of quiet, and I had him working out his "stuff" in the background with some really great romantic rendezvous in the middle, intermittently. there's probably been 3-4 other men I've gone on a handful of dates with since our romantic side picked back up, but, nobody who i wanted to spend more time with. I've been focusing a lot on my career and really just killing it there.

Do I consider myself a doormat? Hell to the no. Did I get back with any guy who came back as I mentioned in that post? Nope. I'd hear them out, maybe go out for a date but usually my feelings were gone and one date is as far as I'd let it go.

Do I think there is a risk of people "making excuses"? Sure. Do I feel I am? I ask myself that sometimes, but at the end of the day I am okay with how I'm handling this - and that's all that matters to me - since at the end of the day it's my life. I still try/tried to keep my options open AND keep him open as an option, and I am fine with that decision. Even though I know it would have to be someone kind of amazing to really make me close the door on him.

So, if his "cave" now lasts ..a while again, I just go right back to what I was doing before.

People aren't perfect. They make mistakes. They do the best they can at the time. And sometimes that "best" is pretty $hitty. Heck, if you look at the way best friends and family members treat each other at times you'd wonder why anyone stays in each other's lives. The answer? Because if there really is love there, then you always forgive. Because that is what love does. It isn't based on what a person does or doesn't do, it's based on the fact that you love that person, and if they are sorry you forgive them -- and do what you can with boundaries to protect yourself as much as you deem necessary.

I have to agree with this. I feel like it's really hard to find someone that you genuinely click with and if you're going out dating other men while having one who has some things going on but you jive well with them everyone will say to go for the guys who are giving you the attention even if the connection isn't strong. I personally wouldn't. I think everyone's situation is different and things aren't as black and white as it may seem. i have been in situations where i swore i never put myself in but did end up in anyways. Just because someone is all about you and doing all the things a man should be doing doesn't automatically make him a better catch if you feel an ok connection with them. i think men are very complicated in that they run when they're scared no matter the age. They're not like females who express themselves more easily. If i find a deep connection with someone im more willing to deal with their shit even if i so called deserve a man who gives me all their attention and is ready. You just have to know the type of man youre dealing with and whether hes just playing you or he has things going on. You can call these excuses but if i have a man thats treating me like a queen and i'm not feeling a really strong connection with them i probably won't give them the time of day even though to everyone else he can be an amazing catch. Life isn't that simple and dating is definitely not that simple especially nowadays. Everyone's got issues - you just have to know what youre willing to put up with and don't be a doormat or compromise who you are and your needs/wants.

Agree x1000 with the above, and the older you get the more you realize how true are both statements.

My BFF is a therapist who says every day she sees men chickening out and being avoidant with women they love and want to be with. It's a bit too simplistic to say "If he this, then he this." They are very different creatures from us when it comes to love and relationships. For us it's a snap, a breeze, to say yes to, we'd crawl under barbed-wire over broken glass for intense love and a strong connection. For them, apparently (sigh), it can mean a lot of complicated and frightening emotions appear along with the good ones. My POI had no trouble with emotional intimacy, connection, and commitment when we were young; it was only after some traumatic life experiences, which include me emotionally checking out of the relationship first back in the day and him having developed "a wee too much fondness for the drink,"  that his issues started. Heck, he was in love with me for months before we got together and I never knew it. It only happened because I got jealous over something and put out "feelers" to which he responded. He had never flirted nor given any sign *whatsoever* that he had a romantic interest in me. We ended up engaged.

I would also add, in strict keeping with the thread topic, that I was the one who moved on and left the relationship first, and I'm sure he thought I was never coming back. Years and years later, I reappeared and we took back up again. I so wish he had been getting readings when we were first separated! Lol. So yeah. Never say never.

[sunshineluv7]

Damn Shayalay. We have the same story. "My POI had no trouble with emotional intimacy, connection, and commitment when we were young; it was only after some traumatic life experiences, which include me emotionally checking out of the relationship first back in the day and him having developed "a wee too much fondness for the drink,"  that his issues started. Heck, he was in love with me for months before we got together and I never knew it. It only happened because I got jealous over something and put out "feelers" to which he responded. He had never flirted nor given any sign *whatsoever* that he had a romantic interest in me." (well, in my case he did some really nice things for me...but he was my "best friend" so... I took it as "just him")

[stargazer]

There was a time when I felt my POI and I were over for sure and surprisingly, a lot of readers were correct when they said things weren't over.

[verb18]

My intuition has been telling me that my POI will def come back around due to the circumstances of how we left things off. It was very open ended and we left off on amazing, amicable terms. We kinda just need space right now. All the psychics I've talked who I trust have been so spot on with her behavior, relative points of contact, and the patterns we would go through month by month. I honestly think that I don't even need to continue reading b/c I knew that this would happen without needing a psychic lol.

But I do think its all circumstantial... up above someone wrote "if 100 people tell you he/she is coming back, and only a handful say he/she wont, the handful is prob right" - I can see the logic behind this, however, for example if Lotus and Zadalia and LadyP say he/she is coming back and is one of the 100, and some random new listing on Keen says he/she isnt coming back, how do you say that the 100 are incorrect when very talented, accurate advisors are in that mix?

[Wildheart81]

Here is what happened to me.

I met someone in 2002. We were co workers at a job. She was very flirty and always chatting up a storm around me and seemed to gravitate towards me whenever we had a shift together.

I am superfan of Stevie Nicks and got this POI interested in her as well and she really liked her music (she was not aware of this singer or her band though I have a feeling she knew Landslide)

Long story short I get passed up for a rich man and his money. They get engaged in 2008 but something happened and they split before marrying (If what I am told is correct)

In 2015 I found out  that not only was she single but her ex was married and had a kid. I found this out purely by accident. I haven't been keeping tabs on them or anything.

I get a reading from Keen. I can't recall the reader but he was man with an accent and he has 2 accounts. He said without me asking about her (I swear she was not on my mind) that she has feelings for me still.

This was where I got carried away on various sites getting readings etc and I got all kinds of wild stories etc. She loves me , she doesn't , we will get together we won't etc

One reader from Keen really stuck with me though (I can't recall her name but her photo was a candle like flame. She said something that shocked me and I thought to myself some psychics are full of BS  but what was said about this POI was too serious to be BS. I can't believe a psychic would say something like this for a buck.

I asked her out for a cofee that summer of 2015 and she said yes but then when I set dates I was free she always had an excuse.

I felt very foolish and made a decison last year to move on and look for someone better.  The one thing I can say is that as of right now I have only what psychics have told me re the engagement that alledgedly never happened to go on. So that is why I have never stopped her in the street (she lives very close to me now and has for about 3 years if my intuition is right)

Well for my birthday this year A friend paid for a couple of readings on Psychic Encounters as a gift to me. I decided I owuld simply ask for a reading related to work and a possible move or career change.

I tried 3 people.

1. Asher- Not good. If I asked him for a look into my job situation his response was something like "Things look good I see no reason to worry". There was no reall detail or insight.

2. Wisdom- She was A++ She right away said to me things that resonated with me. Things like I don't follow the crowd , I am destined for greatness by following my own path.

Then she picked up on the POI and right away I thought more BS. She says to me she sees her and I in a relationship by June and that she has allot of explaining to do. Then it gets freaky. She says to me you have TWO secrets not many people know including her but did you know she has a secret too that she is hiding from everyone???

She was able to pick up on a song I had written for her and said she still has it and wonders if I would have kept my copy and woud ever play it for her. 

I liked the reading but again a bit skeptical on the POI given it has been close to two years since my inital coffee invite.

Lastly we called Hawk and she was also VERY GOOD.

She said she is clarivoyant and sees things. She asked me if I was recording music as she saw me playing a piano and a very sexy girl with short blonde hair watching me sing to her in a studio. Said that this is someone you knew in the past and they have a story to tell. Also said she has a sister who has wondered about you and thought about tracking you down to see whether or not you still like her sister or not (or if you are even single). Claimed she also has lots to tell you about your girl.

Said that this year is about change and a move is going to take place. She seemed to not waste time and was quick to say things without me having to say much. Said by May June things will have begun and you will see changes in your life (money , job, love etc)


So I don't know. I figure I will live my life and try and meet new people and if the POI from my past resurfaces I can decide what to do.

[moonlight412]

Said that this year is about change and a move is going to take place. She seemed to not waste time and was quick to say things without me having to say much. Said by May June things will have begun and you will see changes in your life (money , job, love etc)

Fingers crossed for you and me as well!

Almost all psychics I have talked to (which I think now is 100+) have said that this year is a 'year for change' career wise and love life wise..and I will see a lot of changes starting April End, May! So we shall see!

[Caroline]

Wow this topic is kicking my ass.  I agree with a lot of what everyone had to say.  I think logically it's true, if someone doesn't make an effort they're not into you or that into you.  I do think healthy boundaries are excellent as someone said that means not taking their call.  I did that with my guy.  He ignored me from 12/21 until 1/20 (I remember I was watching the inauguration on my pc at work).  I didn't reply.  He texted me every morning and night.  I finally replied on 2/1 (I almost waited until 2/20).  Anyway I didn't agree to see him; although he kept asking.  I finally saw him on March 2, he even wanted to bet over the Super Bowl (I won btw).  His gift he got me was lame.  He texted me that night and poof he's gone again.  Go easy on my tough love girls.  We all read her for a reason.  I have to say thankfully I am kinda like why the eff am I going to read.  85% tell me things will get better, he really cares (the ones who say things will stay the same tell me he really cares so much for you - what good does that do me).   I recognize his pattern and even though I won't reply right away I eventually do and I think he knows this.  It's like a little dance we do.   I went cookoo for cocoa puffs reading in january (spent almost 1k) what good did it do me?  He contacted and it's the same darn thing.  I do want to try Gaylene as I have heard she is so good. 

[Rediska]

@Caroline-read her thread(s). She is 50/50 supposedly.

I guess my situation is tougher than most  (it is why I started this thread) as the POI is married that is why the chances of him re-connecting are slim to none even though he did give me some hope in his own words. At least with most people here no one is married or engaged lol. And by the time he does re-connect I am not sure if any of the members here will still be active lol for me to update.

[Caroline]

@Caroline-read her thread(s). She is 50/50 supposedly.

I guess my situation is tougher than most  (it is why I started this thread) as the POI is married that is why the chances of him re-connecting are slim to none even though he did give me some hope in his own words. At least with most people here no one is married or engaged lol. And by the time he does re-connect I am not sure if any of the members here will still be active lol for me to update.

Rediska why do you say supposedly?