Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
cjean
kirakira:
cjean... this dude sounds shady. I'm sorry, but do you really want to be with a man (excuse me, boy) who would get another girl pregnant and continue this dance with you? I think he has to sort out his life, because there's a new person coming into this world. And it SHOULD affect him and maybe help him grow up a little, start to understand responsibility. And who knows, because many never do. Do you think perhaps you would be totally gracious and step out of the equation for yourself and him and that child?
I feel very strongly that you deserve better than this situation has been and can be for you. Think of the most upstanding male figures in your life, maybe your grandfather with the lotto numbers, and ask yourself, what would they say about this guy? Funny thing- I asked myself that question with the guy I thought I should/would be with, and I actually answered that my grandfather wouldn't judge that he was a cheater because my grandfather might have done that too (history's a little unknown on that point), but in the final days, when my story came to a giant climactic head, I thought of Che Guevara and Johnny Cash, and how they had found women they were better with while they were married to otherwise good women. I thought, 'it happens, right, this could be us.' BUT THEN, it hit me, those men were solid, honest and owned up to their feelings and made that change even though they hurt someone they loved. That is how he was not like them. And that is why I felt my respect for him, and all the excuses I'd made for him, GO.
I know you posted all that writing about soul mates, I know you're feeling this intense connection, but as a woman who also loves profoundly deeply and has a few years on you, I promise you, these feelings happen again. I've said it before, love shouldn't torment you, it should make you feel capable of great things, supported, and safe, and secure, that your hearts are joined and nothing else is standing in the way. Billions of people in the world (aka fish in the sea!!) xoxoxo!!!
cj:
Well I agree with you kira. I have taken myself out of the equation just so he could live his life freely and I could live mines.
Johnny Cash took years before he married June...thats the sucky part of all of this...it can take years..but June lived her life also.
I am dating though and I know I will feel love again..just at the moment I really don't want other fish in the sea. I kind of want my fish :( And he may be an asshole but I do believe that hes just trying to get the best of both worlds and whatever he figures out, Im sure I'll be ready for it.
I hope you understand.
kirakira:
oh, hon, I do get it. And it's not about me understanding.
This: I kind of want my fish :( And he may be an asshole but I do believe that hes just trying to get the best of both worlds and whatever he figures out, Im sure I'll be ready for it.
wow. Reread that every day. You're ok with him being an asshole? And you think it's ok for him to try to get the best of both worlds? I remember telling my ex-guy he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. Guess what though. I'm not cake. I'm the entree, the sides, the salad, the soup, the dessert AND the drinks, m****f***!
What you wrote there sounds like you're also ok with being there if he figures out it's you... I hope you figure out it's you first!
It may not sound like it, but I'm trying to be sensitive to people's feelings, this is all so personal. But I am getting totally fed up with these "psychics" throwing around "soul mates" so freely!!! Doesn't anybody see what's going on here? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!! (remember Mugatu from Zoolander?) At any rate, I swear to you, I would want anyone to tell me what they thought rather than just try to soothe my owies with co-misery.
cj:
Oh I totally agree!!!! Im sick of this sm crap also! But no I dont mean t hat Im ok with that...Im saying that right now thats how I feel...like I want my fish...but Im still going to do me and date and live my life...If he decides that he wants me then Ill be willing to work on it..if he decides that he doesnt then thats fine too (I will be prepared for whatever outcome that comes)
Life goes on with or without him...and I have so much going for myself...its not my job to show him my worth..he should just know it.
cj:
changing my # was that 1st step. Bc I can't keep pretending like Im ready for this great friendship between me and this guy when Im still soo obviously in love. I cant deal with it..i need to focus on myself and do things for myself.
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