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Help!!!

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Tjk197901:
Guy and gals I need some support or something, I am very outgoing but don’t dare tell anyone that I have called psychics!! It’s truly embarrassing to me that I have but man do I want to now. As I’ve stated I am moving 900 miles away from home on Sunday night. My estranged wife of 6 months asked to come to my apartment this past Saturday, she’s 46 and can be the sweetest or nastiest person ever. Unfortunately for me she’s a control freak. Anyways we talked for about 20 minutes and have been in contact everyday since. She was at first a little edgy but I get it, she filed for divorce 6 months ago. But then she got kinda nice and acted or to me it seemed that she may be willing to reconcile. So of course dumbass me goes overboard with the I love yous and miss yous etc etc. all right after I asked her to meet me for dinner one night this week before I leave. She has two children, one is 18 and difficult isn’t even the word. And one that is 16 who is the sweetest thing ever. I love them both but I wasn’t a perfect step father, but I have no children of my own so I’m not really a fatherly figure.anyways they are my wife’s EVERYTHING. And I mean that with all of my heart and soul. They are her ENTIRE life. Regardless she’s been nasty as all get out today and not sure she will even meet me for dinner. And reconciling….. forget about that the way she acted today. So maybe a question for women, men chime in as well,but is this because she feels she regained power? (She truthfully did) Is it to hurt me before I move? Is it she’s scared of me leaving her? I want to call psychics so bad but I CANT do it. I promised myself, my life I gotta do this alone. But I need some help or guidance. I don’t know what to do or think.  Thank so much everyone, I’ll take any info I can get

Joy:
I think what I am going to say will sound rough and/or a tad rude, but it is likely because she has psychological issues. I mean, we all do to some extent, but there is an averagely healthy range, and then there is dysfunction. From what I read, it sounded like before your wife chimed in, you were just on your way to reclaim yourself again. Nothing good comes out of having to walk on eggshells around someone that goes from sweet to nasty and is controlling.

Questions for you (dig deep before you answer and be honest with yourself): Do you really, but really love her, or do you feel more like used to this person (familiarity, memories, attachment), feel some kind of duty to stay, fear you can't do better, fear of not knowing what lays ahead and the old and familiar is better? When was the last time you and her were happy together consistently? Does she make concessions to make you happy equally to the concessions you make and vice versa?

You see, from the moment you are born until the moment you exit this world, people were, are, and will come in and go out of your life one way or another - we break up with people, people die, we marry, we divorce - life happens. If you look at the big picture, other people are meant to come in and out for varying duration of time. It's how it is. There is only one person that is always there with you and holds your hand from beginning to end, and after that and that person never leaves you and it is to that person, before all other people, that you owe love and you ought to make that person really happy. That person is you! Time to go make that person happy in a healthy way and love that person enough to say, "Ding-dong, crazy wife! I deserve to never have to ask such questions again. I deserve so much better!"

Tjk197901:
Excellent way of putting it. I do love her and I do love the kids. But do I want to walk on eggshells everyday to make the kid happy all the time? I get it, trust me I do. But I TRULY love this woman. I’m. It bad looking, I have a lot going for me, but I cant just let her go. I mean I will if I have to, but I am moving 900 miles away from her because I can’t stand to see her out and about. We live in a tiny tiny town. She I feel does have issues as we all do and I believ menopause is also kicking in which has got to be tough as well. It just sucks, two days ago I was gonna cancel my move and be out about $30,000. Today I’m like move, maybe time apart will be good. My lease is 15 months and as we get older that a blink of an eye. Absolutely loved the way you put that together, Joy. Thank you. Life’s just hard and I wanna damn reading lol. I won’t promise

Joy:
Well, it is good that you love her, but there were a couple of other questions, and they actually reveal if she loves you, too, and if it can be functional. It takes two. Menopause can be kicking in, but if she was sweet or nasty and controlling, that's not really balanced.

You can bend over backward, and she will make you bend even further is what I see from your explanation...

When I did a meditation class, they also talked about manifesting, running energy, and balance. One of the important things is that knowing how to give love is not enough. A healthy equilibrium is an equal ability to give and take and not settle for less.

I don't know if you guys have done counseling (no psychics). That would be a better way to address issues with her in a productive way if you think that you two are good together.

Instead of calling a psychic, just call out the wife. She will either go sweet or nasty and you already know that even without a psychic :D

Relax. You will be just fine :)

jackY:
Move. You have been in a very unhealthy co-dependent relationship--you're the co-dependent. You make excuses for her behavior. Attachment like this is never healthy. Move. If you're "meant" to be together, it will happen. Or, you'll get a new perspective in a new place being around new people. Hate to break this to you, but she isn't going to change. She manipulates and you fall for it every time. That's not love. You need to explore why you want someone like this in your life because it's not love. Something about her dysfunction is really comfortable for you--even when it makes you uncomfortable.

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