Metaphysical, Spiritual and Psychic Discussions > Keen.com
Not exactly psychic related, but what would you do?
Caroline10:
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry for your friend. The guy sounds like a sociopath 😥 I just feel helpless to really do anything, and the toll this took on his ex and other women-me included-was unimaginable. I guess it was more than just his cheating ways, it was the secrets and lies, the way that he seems like a completely different person than he actually is so it’s very difficult to know for sure who he is. I hate to see someone else get hurt, but it seems like I just need to let it be and know that whatever happens will happen.
jas:
Quick Story: There is a man I have known my entire life - we are the same age, we grew up in the same town. He is as handsome as they come and can charm the rattle of a snake. When we were teenagers he looked like Tom Selleck and still does. He and my cousin were best friends - my mother and my aunt wouldn't allow me to go out with him because they knew exactly what he was like and that he was running through every girl in town. He cheated and lied to girls/women as if it was nothing. Finally, at the age of 28, he wanted children. He met the right woman settled down and became faithful.
The point is that this guy may change so if you warn everyone woman coming down the pike that he is "bad news" it isn't fair. Seems like everybody wants to blame bad behavior on "personality disorder" or "sociopath". I know the woman that encountered the man above would have said those things, but the truth is they just aren't true. He was a teenager/man with a lot of testosterone and he was on the hunt.
The person you need to help the most is yourself - don't get in the middle of it and allow yourself to possibly get burned again.
LillyPad99:
--- Quote from: jas on June 29, 2020, 06:09:59 PM ---Quick Story: There is a man I have known my entire life - we are the same age, we grew up in the same town. He is as handsome as they come and can charm the rattle of a snake. When we were teenagers he looked like Tom Selleck and still does. He and my cousin were best friends - my mother and my aunt wouldn't allow me to go out with him because they knew exactly what he was like and that he was running through every girl in town. He cheated and lied to girls/women as if it was nothing. Finally, at the age of 28, he wanted children. He met the right woman settled down and became faithful.
The point is that this guy may change so if you warn everyone woman coming down the pike that he is "bad news" it isn't fair. Seems like everybody wants to blame bad behavior on "personality disorder" or "sociopath". I know the woman that encountered the man above would have said those things, but the truth is they just aren't true. He was a teenager/man with a lot of testosterone and he was on the hunt.
The person you need to help the most is yourself - don't get in the middle of it and allow yourself to possibly get burned again.
--- End quote ---
Agreed. Stranger or friend, stay out of it (unless it’s a CLOSE/Best Friend situation). Most people shoot the messenger whether they know you or not. Stay out of it and any of his future relationships. I’m not sure of your age or his demeanor/personality (or pettiness lol), or your state, but speaking from a legal perspective, you could have legal ramifications if you got involved **and he found it** and chose to do something about it. It’s rare, but I have seen enough such cases that I always tell people to just mind your business and keep it moving.
Caroline10:
Thanks so much. People can change, I think, but I’m almost positive that this is a case of a personality disorder. There’s too much damage from too many people, for too long.
I once wrote out every detail of something that felt off/narcissistic traits that I saw and there were over 100 examples. (So that was in counseling, and the counselor said likely it would take years of intense therapy for him to be able to change)
Not impossible, but he probably still is the same-or will go back to his old ways.
Still, nothing good can come from any attempt to help, even though I don’t want to see yet more people hurt.
So I’m going to just let this all go and hope that she can see who he is...thanks for the thoughts on this. It really makes a difference.
njlady:
I get how you feel. There is one man I was involved with for a few years and the things he was doing ... just, wow. The day that everything went down, I was doing the "who are you?" because clearly I had no idea and paid dearly for it. I really don't want anyone else to go through what I did but I'm sure he's done it again. And again. I don't know who he dated after me, who he is with now, nothing, but if I did I would be tempted to warn them if I thought there was the slightest chance they would listen.
Do you know anything about her personality? That is something I would take into consideration. Do they have a receptive personality, the kind of person that would hear you out, take an unfiltered look at their situation and see if it anything applies? Or are they a he would never do that to me, I'm smarter than you are, he loves me more, he's changed and every other excuse attitude type. Yes he would, probably not, I doubt he is capable of loving anyone never mind you and not a snowballs chance in Hell.
I had a friend who was contacted by her fiance's ex-wife and she warned her that he was nothing like he seems, he's an abuser, he's going to start isolating you and cut off anything that doesn't involve him, someone else had warned her too but she didn't listen, everything. She married him anyway because he "loves her sooo much and they have something so special" along with some Jesus tossed in. A few months later he was beating both her and her child regularly. It took her years to get out of it, she lost a lot of what she had worked for and her child was totally screw up. Oh and she now had a CPS file and a couple of serious arrests on her record so good luck with reinstating that professional license.
About "changing", stopping a behavior doesn't mean someone has truly changed. That comes from within. Many people can stop a behavior when it suits their needs and don't have any compunctions about doing it all over again when their situation changes.
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