Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
How much time it too much time?
Girly1998:
--- Quote from: sawthelight on August 05, 2019, 02:21:05 PM ---
--- Quote from: Fidget1028 on August 05, 2019, 02:19:19 PM ---
--- Quote from: sawthelight on August 05, 2019, 02:03:34 PM ---This is a great topic...I don't think there's a time limit for how long it takes to get over someone, and if you're still in love, then it makes sense that you will still keep getting readings.
For my first POI, it's been a year this month since we've spoken..and I still feel things for him. I feel I'm stupid to think there is any kind of future though, but I can't just turn off what I felt for him for so long.
We were involved for years, and he always came back after a few weeks, I think the longest we went was a bit over a month, but this time, he hasn't returned and I have had to face reality that its officially over, and that's the hardest part.
--- End quote ---
I'm in the same boat. It's a process for sure.
--- End quote ---
Sorry to hear :( It sure is a process...I find myself wondering when I will be completely over him...some days it feels like I am, and others, not so much. Part of me wants complete closure, like for him to say I've completely lost interest in you and I'm with someone else, and the other part of me doesn't want to know lol. Either way, I would never reach out to him..just won't.
--- End quote ---
If you don’t mind me asking, why would you never reach out?
sawthelight:
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 02:29:36 PM ---
--- Quote from: sawthelight on August 05, 2019, 02:21:05 PM ---
--- Quote from: Fidget1028 on August 05, 2019, 02:19:19 PM ---
--- Quote from: sawthelight on August 05, 2019, 02:03:34 PM ---This is a great topic...I don't think there's a time limit for how long it takes to get over someone, and if you're still in love, then it makes sense that you will still keep getting readings.
For my first POI, it's been a year this month since we've spoken..and I still feel things for him. I feel I'm stupid to think there is any kind of future though, but I can't just turn off what I felt for him for so long.
We were involved for years, and he always came back after a few weeks, I think the longest we went was a bit over a month, but this time, he hasn't returned and I have had to face reality that its officially over, and that's the hardest part.
--- End quote ---
I'm in the same boat. It's a process for sure.
--- End quote ---
Sorry to hear :( It sure is a process...I find myself wondering when I will be completely over him...some days it feels like I am, and others, not so much. Part of me wants complete closure, like for him to say I've completely lost interest in you and I'm with someone else, and the other part of me doesn't want to know lol. Either way, I would never reach out to him..just won't.
--- End quote ---
If you don’t mind me asking, why would you never reach out?
--- End quote ---
I don't mind :)...I don't know, I just have this strong inner feeling like I shouldn't..if he wanted to come back, he would. I feel like if I reached out, and even if he replied, I would always be wondering if he only was with me because of MY effort. I feel at this point (with our complicated past) that I need him to make the effort and show me something, not the other way around.
In the past, I did reach out a few times after we argued and I didn't regret it then, but looking back, maybe I shouldn't have, because maybe I would have healed faster if it didn't drag on as long as it did.
Girly1998:
--- Quote from: sawthelight on August 05, 2019, 02:32:57 PM ---
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 02:29:36 PM ---
--- Quote from: sawthelight on August 05, 2019, 02:21:05 PM ---
--- Quote from: Fidget1028 on August 05, 2019, 02:19:19 PM ---
--- Quote from: sawthelight on August 05, 2019, 02:03:34 PM ---This is a great topic...I don't think there's a time limit for how long it takes to get over someone, and if you're still in love, then it makes sense that you will still keep getting readings.
For my first POI, it's been a year this month since we've spoken..and I still feel things for him. I feel I'm stupid to think there is any kind of future though, but I can't just turn off what I felt for him for so long.
We were involved for years, and he always came back after a few weeks, I think the longest we went was a bit over a month, but this time, he hasn't returned and I have had to face reality that its officially over, and that's the hardest part.
--- End quote ---
I'm in the same boat. It's a process for sure.
--- End quote ---
Sorry to hear :( It sure is a process...I find myself wondering when I will be completely over him...some days it feels like I am, and others, not so much. Part of me wants complete closure, like for him to say I've completely lost interest in you and I'm with someone else, and the other part of me doesn't want to know lol. Either way, I would never reach out to him..just won't.
--- End quote ---
If you don’t mind me asking, why would you never reach out?
--- End quote ---
I don't mind :)...I don't know, I just have this strong inner feeling like I shouldn't..if he wanted to come back, he would. I feel like if I reached out, and even if he replied, I would always be wondering if he only was with me because of MY effort. I feel at this point (with our complicated past) that I need him to make the effort and show me something, not the other way around.
In the past, I did reach out a few times after we argued and I didn't regret it then, but looking back, maybe I shouldn't have, because maybe I would have healed faster if it didn't drag on as long as it did.
--- End quote ---
Understandable. I think it depends on the nature of the breakup and if things were left with the ball being in his court. My case is weird, we both have reasons to think reaching out would not warrant a response. But I totally get the whole thinking it’ll only be because of your effort. Men are weird.
candiednut:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
well said! Even if they still think about you and misses you, why in the world would you want someone that doesnt make any effort? Actions speak louder than their "thoughts and feelings". Even if they have a lot of fear from the past and is scared to reach out etc...again, why would you want to be with someone who's not mature or healthy/balanced enough to go for what they want? Love is not supposed to be painful.
Star_01:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
I completely agree and that's when you have to use logic in your situation and be realistic. If a guy comes back after 2, 3 months in the rare circumstance yes he does care and needed time or needed to fix himself or whatever. But if someone really cared about you, they couldn't go a day without talking to you.
I know I've spent many nights not sleeping thinking about my POI's in the past and crying, the most recent one I reached out on a number of occasions and he didn't want to know. I specifically asked could we stay in touch or do you not want contact at all anymore, I asked fairly and politely and the dick ignored my texts on purpose. If he had any ounce of human, he could have said something. I have been in some toxic relationships, but they were man enough to tell me good luck with my life and to take care. And we both ended things like adults.
And the sad thing is, like you say, they aren't crying over us or calling readers or waiting on us. They are having the last laugh because they can go window shopping knowing we are there hanging about for them. Men have told me themselves that if they truly like you they will reach out because they are scared to lose you, none of this well I needed to sleep wi- see other women to realise it was you I needed or I wanted a bit of single time and now I'm ready for you.
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