Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
How much time it too much time?
Girly1998:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
Not sure I agree. Yes, don’t sit there and sulk over them and prevent yourself from being able to move on but I don’t agree with the 3 months. Of course if you weren’t really in a relationship to begin with and they ghosted you months ago, yeah they probably aren’t gonna come back. Or if you’ve reached out several times with no response. But dependent of the nature of why you ended, which only you know know, a guy might be hesitant to come back even if he does want to. Maybe y’all ended on bad terms and he also thinks you want nothing to do with him? Maybe he realizes he did stuff that he may see as being unforgivable? They have egos and are prideful too, if they come back they’ll have to admit their faults and nobody wants to do that.
An example: my brother, yes a male, still thinks about a girl he was with 9 years ago. He dreams about her, he misses her, he has regrets but has he tried getting her back? No. He also has been in love with a friend for over a year and has not taken any steps to get her. I think some people put a little bit too much pressure on males to be the one to always make the move as if they are immune to fears.
sawthelight:
I 100% agree that moving on is the best course of action..get out there, and try to meet new people, don't hole yourself up and be depressed, etc... (which I never did, just hadn't met anyone else that I felt the same way about).
But getting over someone (for me at least) isn't that easy, but if you look at logically, then yes, waiting for someone for an extended period of time is unhealthy.
Star_01:
I think in rare circumstances a man can love and miss you or he can take you for granted and be an ass and then years later when his relationships are failing and when he reminisces on life he may think back to you and regret how much he took you for granted and hurt you.
But to say alot of men are missing us and not doing anything about it, come on. Some people on here have attempted to reach out to their POI's and got nothing back or no further progress than some texts.
I posted earlier this, but my friend has had all of her exes return and only 1 seems to really miss her but even he messes her about and lets her down when she plans to meet him. All of what he did 4/5 years before. He is a leopard that seemingly hasn't changed his spots thus far. Another was a married man who wasn't getting any sex and thought she could help him. They all have wanted something out of her at some point, it all starts with sweet talking and they're off again. It does seem to be a predominantly male thing, not to be sexist but men seem to think that the clocks stop for us and they can go off and do whatnot and return with us being here like angels who have waited on them and been faithful to them all this time when they have done god knows what.
I've heard it all from readers before with the commitment phobias and busy with work blah blah you name it. I do definitely think we need to use logic in our situations, when it has been a long time and the guy is with another woman or you've heard from people that he has been seen out with various women.
Men also tend to look back and do the "I miss her but that situation wasn't healthy", whereas alot of women don't care about healthy or unhealthy the situation was - they miss the guy and would do anything to get him back. Do you know how many readers I've spoken to who told me that they have to listen or see through their gift really unhealthy abusive relationships and they try to advise and give guidance and the customer does not listen?
SomethingBetter:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
Applause! I totally agree. I have waited and waited before, no judgement on those who are waiting, but for me personally you have a window to make something happen. But if you don’t, I’m going to try and move on. I wont contact you and I am going to do what I need to do to heal.
I’m done wasting time.
Yaz88:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
In principal, I have to agree with everything you have to say. However in practice, sometimes we just can’t seem to get over someone, can’t forget them, because we aren’t supposed to just yet. Before my current POI, there was another POI that I didn’t think I’d ever get over. Anytime I tried, his name (which is not common) would randomly appear or I’d hear a parent calling to their child who had that name. Other times, he’d resurface and the toxic wheel would once again start spinning. It took me 22 months to finally get over him. Eleven months from the last time I saw him, and 5 months from our last point of contact. Luckily, back then I had no idea about Keen or any of the other similar platforms. I would have bankrupted myself. Instead I’d go to a few local readers (who were all correct in hindsight) or spend hours listening to YouTube Tarot readers. Here’s the thing. My first POI served a purpose. Once I was able to understand that purpose, I was at peace. I also met my current POI, which helped me realize that there are other people who you can come to care about and be attracted to. Strangely enough, I recently reached out to my first POI, and he did respond. I have no desire to rekindle anything with him, but since he was such a huge influence in my spiritual journey and growth, my soul is content knowing that the energy between us has neutralized (it was the type of relationship with mountain peak highs and crying in a heap on the shower floor lows).
So sometimes, it’s not over because it isn’t supposed to be. I will say that for my second POI, I’m more inclined to move on because the life lessons I learned from POI #1 don’t need to be relearned. It’s time for balance, an equal give and take.
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