Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Thought I would share ...

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Sillyme:
I pined, prayed, focused for four years on a guy and spent more than a year's salary on readings.  I found some EXCELLENT/EXCEPTIONAL readers on keen, amazingly, and yes we are together, but I want to caution you all ...

This is NOT about readings, it is about be careful what you wish for.  My guy is a good guy, but far more broken than I had seen previous to our getting together.  We were / are friends before getting together.  I was MADLY DEEPLY in love with him ... fast forward a year of being together, and I am just worn out and tired.  He is very moody, possibly a diagnosis would fit, but I am not a doctor.  I can tell you the strain and stress of being with him is far worse than when I was pining and wishing to be with him.

He is a good man, has a good heart, but truthfully, we are not compatible.  He said to me long ago, "I am not good in relationships" whoa, how'd I not take that to heart, I don't know.  I truly believe that people show you who they are if you pay attention.  We, the ones wanting the relationship, have a sort of fantasy of what it will be like, he will change, I will change, etc.  People often do not change unless there is a true spiritual awakening. 

I am not whining or complaining but mostly want to point out that the Law of Attraction is real.  I saw nothing but he and I together, as much as i wanted it NOW (back years) I accepted it would in fact happen when it was supposed to.  I never lost that focus no matter what the readers said.  I knew we would be together, I just knew.  But my picture of it was far different than the reality.

I do love him, I care deeply, but I am so worn out and stressed as I never know what mood he will be in, and it is unnerving and I don't feel comforted by his presence. 

So all of you who are "waiting" for contact, hoping to get back together, wishing you were together, take heed and look at the reasons why you are not.  I believe, for me, I waited because of my own fears of relationships.  If I were capable, myself, of a healthy relationship, then I would not have pined, waited, spent money I did not have, or stay in something so stressful.  Look at the reasons why you are avoiding meeting someone who truly WANTS to be with you, who treats you kindly, who speaks to you kindly or acts in a way that you feel safe emotionally.

Love is not a word, it is an action ... if someone loves you, really loves you, they speak and act in that manner.  They don't say I love you, then cut you down with words or flip out of stupid things, like having to go to work and not having time for them.  Honestly, I do not regret one thing, not the money, the time waiting or any of this, because I have learned SO MUCH about myself ... it is sort of mind blowing.

I cheer you all on that you find your hearts desire, I assure you it is not in a relationship with anyone outside yourself.  Do not accept anything less from someone outside you that you would not impose on yourself.

Also, there is truth in the words "you can NOT love another, if you do not love yourself."  I have learned this after many many many years.  This man, as good as he is, does not like himself, how can he possibly love me?  It is like black and white.  I often wish I could video "us" to show you what I am speaking of.

I am fairly chilled out, but the past months I have become wound up like a time bomb.  I do not sleep, I am completely irratic and unmotivated for much of anything. I avoid going out with friends etc.  Yes, symptoms of depression for sure, but nothing I have not dealt with in the past, it just seems magnified as of late.

Ladies and Gents, hope and wish all you want, but move along at the same time, it is imperative to learn how to love you!  If you don't, you will continue to attract those who do not love themselves and in turn cannot love us as we wish to be loved.  I am not talking about spa days, I am talking about empowering and embracing who you are as a soul. 

We are all the same ... we are here to love, it is all there is, the rest is BS, but God and Self are one.  If you believe and trust in something higher than yourself, that is where the truth is and it lies within each of us, you just need to tap in.

Thought I was add my story as i have not been on this board for over a year and wanted to update.

Wishing all love and light and wisdom!

flora0250:
Thank you for posting this. This really hit home for me. If my POI does end up contacting me... after some time I think I know now, not just from what you wrote but from my own past that put me where I am... I would need to tell him up front very seriously that he will need to learn to love himself if he hasn’t by that point. That he will have to promise me that if things do go well... that he won’t jump ship. I will have to get to a point - if we even get there!!! - where I could tell him that.

Or maybe he’ll never contact me again at all. For whatever reason.

It’s taken me a long time and a marriage and divorce go get where I am. And I’m open to love in my life! I’m not hanging on for this guy as much as just wish I could figure it out because I really do - like you said - feel like we are 100 percent ... something. Something. Which I never felt with anyone other than my husband when I met him and didn’t marry him until 16 years after we met and hadn’t seen each other in 12!!! I’ve never felt such a strong conviction about someone since.

But yes my guy ... he needs or needed to do a lot of self love work. And he knew it. And I’m hoping he has.... if not.... yes I see exactly what you’re saying.

Thank you again. Lots of love.

sawthelight:
wow amazing post, thank you for sharing!

sawthelight:
It's funny..I actually had a reader tell me (I think it was someone on Keen) "be careful what you wish for"...relating to the first POI..and I remember dismissing it.  She kind of warned me that we wouldn't be compatible even if we did end up together...

And I had a purple ocean reader tell me the same, that the opportunity would arise, but I would be unhappy (I remember she got the ace of cups reversed)...

sawthelight:
I know right..I could have done without my lesson...sigh.

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